


To The End (Sequel to Bulletproof Heart)

by Donna



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Multi, Strippers, anger issues, cheating (single/multi-partner), famous strippers for charity, friends giving unwanted advice, meddling mothers-in-laws, physical violence, poly marriage, potential breakup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-11 15:18:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 59,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3330653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donna/pseuds/Donna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story begins on Adam, Tommy Joe and Jake's third wedding anniversary.</p><p>STORYLINE CHANGE--Why is it when you think you know what your spouse(s) want out of life, you find out that you couldn't be more wrong? Jake wants a picket fence and a house full of kids but Adam and Tommy Joe prefer the freedom of life on the road. Can their relationship survive a potential love interest for Jake, cheating and meddling friends? Will Jake ever have the chance at parenthood that he so longs for?</p><p>To top things off, the Angel's Cause tour encounters a problem--gay protesters with an agenda begin to appear at the "Bare As You Dare" tour dates. Will our boys find a way to make the tour a success despite all the obstacles in their path?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Geminimum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geminimum/gifts), [Libra Fietje](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Libra+Fietje).



> Yes, I finally got around to writing the sequel to Bulletproof Heart! I do not want to give the plot away, but I do want to thank both Geminimum and Libra Fietje for helping form the storyline. You ladies ROCK!
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated. Enjoy!
> 
> Donna

“If you marry me, will you bury me?  
Will you carry me to the end?  
So say goodbye to the vows you take  
And say goodbye to the life you make  
And say goodbye to the heart you break  
And all the cyanide you drank.”

To The End--My Chemical Romance

 

Jake’s chapter—Our boy’s 3th anniversary

“If you look at your watch one more fucking time…” I freeze when I recognize the voice lecturing me from the doorway to my dressing room. I glance up in time to see my friend Kellan Lutz storm into my room, hands on his hips as he stops next to my chair. Reaching down he grabs the wrist my watch is strapped to and pulls it upward for emphasis. “…I’m going to rip it off your wrist and stomp on it! Now c’mon, we have a celebration party to go to! I am not going to let you sit here and mope until it’s time to talk to your husbands…”

With a grin I shake off Kellan’s hold, shifting back in my seat and meeting his gaze in the mirror. “I’m not moping! I’m just…”

“…hiding from the rest of the crew, like you tried to do every day the last seven months! If it wasn’t for my constantly forcing you to join us you would have spent every single day pining away like some lovesick little school girl!” My eyes narrow as I frown but Kellan won’t back down. With a sigh he grabs a nearby chair and drags it across from mine, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he searches my face for the truth.

“Jake” he begins, his voice soft but his tone of voice showing his exasperation with the whole situation. “We have been close friends for over two years now. You are one of nicest, coolest…fuck it, you’re a great guy! But…in the two years that I have known you, you have completely changed.” Kellan pauses, his shoulders slumping slightly. “When I met you, you were fun to hang out with. You were always light hearted and laughing, always in a good mood. The last movie we made together was a blast. But in the last six months you seem so unhappy, so miserable all the time. If you are not constantly looking at your watch you are sitting in front of a blank computer screen or are listening for your email to ping. Dude…” Kellan leans forward, his hand reaching out to rest on my right arm. “…I know you miss Tommy and Adam, but if you need to talk about anything…”

“No!” I casually shrug off his hand with a small smile (or what I hope Kellan will think is a smile) on my lips as I reach towards a small jewelry box on my dressing room table. “Things are fine between the three of us…”

“Ummm hummm.”

I reach into the box and pull out the angel wing necklace that Tommy gave me. I hold it in the palm of my hand and stare down at it as I continue speaking. “They really are. It’s just that today is our anniversary and…”

A storm of emotion crosses Kellan’s attractive face. Today was our last day of shooting and I had been with him since 4am this morning, from makeup through the last scene of the day. “…and then why in the HELL have NEITHER of them contacted you yet today and it’s nearly 7pm here in LA? It’s just like last year…”

“Bullshit!” I yell as I bolt to my feet, my necklace slipping through my fingers and onto the floor at Kellan’s feet. “Tommy Joe was sick, he had food poisoning…”

“Goddamn it Jake, will you PLEASE listen to yourself?” he yells back as he leans down to pick up the necklace I dropped, throwing it on the dressing table in frustration. “You are constantly making excuses for the two of them! “Tommy’s sick, Adam’s in a meeting, sound check ran late”…you have a million ready-made reasons why the two of them are too busy for you!” I turn my back on Kellan and storm across the room, my arms crossing my chest in a show of defiance. From behind me I hear him continue “They NEVER call you, Jake! Hell, you NEVER hear from them unless you are the one doing the calling! You need to face facts—they have left you in the dust, dude. You’re just too nice of a guy to see it for what it really is.”

I want to scream at Kellan, kick his ass and shove him out of my dressing room but a part of me knows he’s right. Lately I have been feeling as if my husbands have forgotten all about me. I guess I’ve just been too scared to really think about it, because thinking leads to epiphanies that I’m just not ready to face yet. I would rather continue to think that since the three of us live busy (but unfortunately separate) lives and that everything will be better once we all manage to be in the same time zone for more than a day at a time—whenever the hell that will ever be.

 

Since our honeymoon trip to St. Martin three years ago, the three of us rarely see each other. True, I will sometimes get to spend time with either TJ or Adam separately but the three of us together? Well…we vacation together every year, and when the three of us are in the same time zone we make sure to meet up, but life has really gotten in the way. I know I am to blame as much my husbands are, but I was hoping by now that things would start to settle down. And I have been looking forward all day to talking to them about it.

Before our wedding day Tommy did a short tour with Marilyn Manson, playing guitar for him while Tyler Bates was off doing production projects for other bands. Shortly after our wedding Adam did a short tour so that meant that both my husbands were off spending time together. The next thing I know I’m getting an excited phone call from Adam saying that Brian May and Rodger Taylor were on American Idol with them for a show–and then before I knew it, Adam was touring the world with Queen! At the same time, a member of Tommy’s other favorite band Depeche Mode ended up hospitalized after a car accident so they asked Tommy to join them in the recording studio, which led to his sitting in with them for the first four months of their tour. Tommy and Marilyn had hit it off big time, so when it came time for Marilyn to tour the states three months ago and Tyler was still busy doing his own thing, Tommy took off with Marilyn once again. 

While my husbands have been touring the world over the last three years I have been quite busy myself. A month after our honeymoon ended I became head of security for the Rolling Stones, their tour lasting eight months. Before the tour ended I received a phone call from an old friend in LA, asking if I would like to be in an action movie with Kellan and Mark Walhberg. My answer? Fuck yeah I would! It was a huge box office hit and next thing I know I have a small part in a movie with Steven Seagal—my film idol! (Hey, don’t judge me—we all have one, right?) 

I ended up renting a little furnished studio apartment just outside of WeHo. At first Adam hit the roof when he heard about this. “Did you forget that we have a house…ALL THREE OF US…not too far from there?” At the time I laughed at how indignant he became. “But Adam! This one is only 20 minutes from the studio! It would take me FOREVER to get there every day from our place through all that traffic! I promise that when you or Tommy are in town I will come to our home every night.” This seemed to calm Adam down a bit, even though he would continue to comment from time to time about my “waste of money.” I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the real truth--that going home every single day to that huge house all alone was more than I could take.

I miss both my men, more than I could ever say.

This current movie offer was the biggest surprise of them all. I was in the middle of packing to visit my sister Elena when Vin Diesel called me to ask if I would be interested in a role in his next movie, also staring Kellan, Kate Beckinsale, Keanu Reeves and Christian Slater.

And that’s how Kellan and I have ended up here in my dressing room, arguing about my marriage (or lack thereof).

 

“…so do it.” 

I snap out of my internal dialog and turn to see that Kellan is now standing, his arms crossed in a perfect imitation of me. He raises his chin and gives a look that screams “I fucking dare you.”

“Do what?”

With a sigh he shakes his head. “You haven’t heard a single word I’ve just said, have you?” After another few seconds of nothing from me but blank and confused looks he snarls out “Call Tommy Joe. His concert should be over with by now, right?” I nod once, not trusting my voice all of a sudden. “Then Skype him. Let’s see what’s been keeping your boy so busy all day…”

“Kellan…”

“No Jake! You either sit down and Skype him or I WILL!” When I hesitate he turns on his heel and storms out of the room to his dressing room down the hall. Why did I have to go and do something stupid as giving him Tommy and Adam’s Skype names? Oh yeah—in case of an emergency. I guess, according to my best friend—this IS an emergency…

I chase him down the hall, screaming “Kellan! Don’t you fucking DARE!” at the top of my lungs. Ignoring the crew members in the hall I fling open his dressing room door just in time to hear “Marilyn! Long time no see! How are you?”

“KELLAN! I’m well, thank you. How are you?” Marilyn’s smooth voice replies as I walk forward until I can be seen by Marilyn. “And Jake! Tommy is going to be SO upset when he finds out you called and he wasn’t here!” My disappointment must be showing loud and clear through the camera because Marilyn hastily continues with “I asked Tommy if I could borrow his laptop to Skype my mom before he left and he agreed. I had just hung up the call when Kellan beeped in. I hope there isn’t anything wrong…”

Before Kellan has a chance to go on a rant I cut him off by replying “No, I was just hoping to catch Tommy before he goes to sleep.” I hear Kellan grunt before Marilyn chuckles “Not much chance of THAT I’m afraid! He and Gil went out on a beer run right after the show. They were both bitching earlier that Twiggy never buys enough when he goes to the store, so they were going to have to take care of it for everyone tonight.” Marilyn chuckles again before he adds “I have a feeling that it’s going to be a LONG time before that boy hits the bunks tonight…”

Kellan growls out “Yeah, well—he should have called to tell his husband happy anniversary before getting wasted, don’t you think?” Before Marilyn can make a reply Twiggy and Paul enter the doorway behind Marilyn, Paul asking “Can I borrow your paint pallet, dude? I’m out of blue…” I take this as an opportunity to end the call before Kellan can continue his rant. “Go get Paul the paint, Marilyn. We’ll talk again soon. Goodnight!” I reach around Kellan and click on the red phone icon, ending the call before Marilyn even has a chance to say anything.

“What the fuck did you do that for, Jake?” Kellan glares at me. “Because I didn’t want him asking a ton of questions that are none of his business! And how DARE you call Tommy like that? And WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NOW?” I watch in horror as he makes another call, this time to Adam. Luckily for me, all he gets is a busy signal. I lean over and slam the top of his laptop down on his hands, a smirk covering my face as he squeals like a girl while pulling his hands out. “Fucker! Why do I remain friends with you?”

“Because my acting is so horrible that I manage to make even YOU look good on film! C’mon.” I turn and head towards the door, calling over my shoulder “I thought you wanted to go to that “wrap-up” party tonight, so let’s go. Might as well go get some free food, I’m hungry…” From behind me I hear Kellan mumbling as he follows me into the hall “This conversation is FAR from over, Andolini…”

 

Two hours later I have managed to forget about my relationship troubles—somewhat. Kellan and I arrive at the party to find the place packed with movie stars and plenty of paparazzi. Since I am the least famous person connected to this film, I manage to eat and even have a few drinks before they single me out as their next target.

I am standing at the bar when four men and two women suddenly surround me, microphones and recorders thrust in my face. I figure I’m just going to get the typical questions (“So…what’s it like to work with “so and so”…) so it throws me off when the first thing I hear is…

“So Jake. How do you feel about the pictures? Were you devastated when you saw them for the first time?” 

I must look like the world’s biggest idiot as I stupidly ask “What pictures?” One of the women reaches in her purse and says “Here. I have them someplace…oh yeah, here they are…”

The next thing I know time feels as if its standing still as I stare down at her tablet while she flips through time stamped photos of Tommy Joe. The photos are from a party that took place the night before. I recognize various members of Marilyn’s band, as well as members of Motley Crue, Depeche Mode, Alice Cooper, Nine Inch Nails and others. I know that Marilyn had played a festival yesterday and that these pictures must have been from the after party. 

What I did not expect was multiple pictures of Tommy drunk and making out with members from these different bands. Trent Reznor. Nikki Sixx. Michael Bruce. David Gahan. Some I couldn’t even name. 

I suddenly feel extremely ill. MY Tommy, making out with all these guys? The pictures didn’t look staged—he looked as if he was having the time of his life. I feel my face pale as I mumble a “no comment” response, brushing blindly past the paparazzi and pushing my way towards the closest exit. I hear Kellan call out my name but I ignore him, focusing only on escaping before I throw up on someone. 

So much for a happy anniversary…


	2. Chapter 2

Jake’s POV: 

The second I push my way out of the crowd and out the doors of the party hall I spot the car service waiting for me in the parking lot. From behind me I still hear the questions being asked, still see the flash of the photos being taken as I climb into the back seat of the car. Great. Now Tommy and I are fodder for TMZ. Just what we…I need.

“Take me back to the studio and then home, please” I ask the driver before scooting back against the leather seat and clutching my stomach. The driver glances at me through the rearview mirror before nodding once and starting the car. As he pulls out into traffic I send a silent prayer up to the heavens that I can make it to the studio before throwing up in my lap. 

Being the only “three-some marriage/relationship” in entertainment can be difficult at best sometimes. I know that Adam and Tommy feel the pressure of it more than I do, considering I am not as popular or well-known as they are. Or shall I say—I’m known only for taking my clothes off on stage, saving Tommy’s life and having the balls to declare myself married to two of the most popular individuals of the last 10 years. 

My husbands have their own unique ways of dealing with the subject of our relationship. Adam takes it all in stride, answering inquiries as well as talking about us on a regular basis with his fans and the whole world. Remember: this is the man who sang the song “Kiss and Tell”—“You know that I’m open, I tell them my business…you know what you are getting’ when we get it on” (In other words, he freaks out in private). 

And Tommy? He flat out refuses to talk about it with the press or his fans, asking for privacy and ignoring questions the best he can. The only exceptions are to wish Adam and I happy birthday, small stuff like that. He even blushes when either of our names are mentioned. I have to admit that it’s cute, most people think so. But I knew going into our relationship that Tommy is the most private out of the three of us, so it doesn’t bother Adam or I that he doesn’t open up as much as we do.

Me? I’m somewhere in the middle. I do not get on Twitter and announce everything to the world, but I do answer most questions that are put to me, unless they are WAY off base. Adam and I feel exactly the same—respect us and we will respect you. 

After about ten minutes the driver pulls up to the back door of the studio. As I get out of the car I tell the driver “I’m just going to get my things. I will try not to be long.” “Alright, Mr. Andolini.” I slam the door shut and nod to the security guard who opens the door as I enter, making my way to my dressing room at a quick pace. Opening the door I look around the room that I had spent so much time in over the last eight months or so. I cannot help but feel a little sad that my time here at the studio is finally over. Kellan was full of it when he said that I had spent all my time alone while making this film. I got to know my co-stars and now consider a few of them as good friends. This place was beginning to feel like home. 

I had just finished packing up my oversized gym bag and was heading out the door when my phone rang. Looking down at it I freeze for a moment before answering the call, my hands trembling as I answer with a shaky “Hello?”

“Jake? Hey babes. I’m sorry I’m…”

“What do you want, Tommy?” I try to keep the ice out of my voice but it leaks through all on its own. I know I should just shut up and listen to what he has to say without making a scene but I’ve never been that good at keeping my emotions in check. Must be the Sicilian in me. 

“Are you mad at me? Cause I know that I messed up.”  
“Uhhh huh.”  
“I meant to call you when I saw your email when I woke up, but I slept late and…”  
“Stop.”  
“What?”  
“I said stop. Excuses are not going to cut it this time, TJ.”  
There is silence on the line before he says “I know you are mad…”  
“…you don’t know the half of it. I saw the pictures.”  
“What pictures?”  
“STOP IT TJ! You know DAMN WELL what I’m talking about! You and Adam are on social media 24/7, you mean to tell me you have NO idea what I’m talking about?!”  
“THAT’S WHAT I’M TELLING YOU! I HAVE NO IDEA…”

There is something in his voice that tells me that he is lying to me. He also sounds a bit scared but I’m not sure if that is because he is afraid of my anger or if he knows what I’m talking about. Both my stomach and my hand holding my cell phone clench tight as I cut him off by screaming “WELL THEN WHY DON’T YOU JUST PUT DOWN YOUR BEER FOR A SECOND AND FIND OUT!” before clicking off my phone and stalk out to the car waiting to take me home. 

It is only a few minutes before my cell phone starts to ring nonstop. Instead of answering it each time I glance at the caller ID to see who is calling. Sutan, Kellan, Brad, Sophie, Marilyn, Dia…everyone but my husbands. I cannot help but laugh out loud when I see Dia’s name. I should have known that eventually she would call me. She and Tommy are very close, close enough that he uses his mom as a sounding board for most important issues. I truly love my mother-in-law but I’m not up to a lecture at the moment. I end up turning the damn thing off before I even make it to my front door.

I feel like an idiot when tears start slowly making their way down my face the second I enter my small apartment. With a shaky voice I call out “Hey Jasper, daddy’s home!” After a minute a large black, grey and white tabby cat makes his way to me from the bedroom. He yawns and stretches in front of me before I pick him up and hug him, whispering “How’s my big boy tonight, huh?” I carry him to the kitchen and gently set him down on the floor, filling his food and water bowls. 

Once I have set Jasper up for the night I make my way to my bedroom and quickly change into a pair of sleep pants before pulling back the covers and crawling into bed. I want to just pull the covers up over my head and hide from the world but instead I reach for my laptop. 

I never said I was smart.

The second I start it up Skype rings through a call from Adam. My stomach flip flops as I click on ‘video’ and before I know it, one of the most beautiful men in the world is staring back at me from my computer screen (in case you’re wondering—the other is the one I am currently not speaking to, but I guess you already know that). Adam still has most of his concert make-up on but I can see that he is already in his bedroom on his bus with the curtains drawn. Every so often the screen shakes as the bus hits a pothole in the road.

“Jake? I’ve been trying to get you for a while now. Are you ok?” Adam’s face wrinkles up, his concern for me showing through his facial expressions. “Tommy left me a hysterical phone call, I couldn’t understand anything but “Jake” and “hates me” and “pictures”…” 

Staring at the screen I cannot help but wonder for the millionth time how ‘my Adam’ morphed into the man I see before me—the scruffy side beard, mustache, goatee and pompadour. He’s still wearing his stage clothes which are all black leather except for his tank top. Don’t get me wrong now—I love my Adam, no matter what he looks like. But even though the change took place slowly I still sometimes am stunned by this ‘biker bar version’ of my man—makes me want to sink to my knees and offer him anything he wants…

“JAKE!” I shake myself out of my sudden dirty thoughts long enough to croak out “Uh…yeah?” Real smooth there, Andolini…

Adam rolls his eyes as he starts to peel off his half gloves. “What the fuck is Tommy hysterical about? And why do you look as if you’ve been crying?” 

“Have you seen the pictures of TJ?” The confused look on his face makes me grunt in frustration. “C’mon, Adam! The pictures of our husband sucking everyone’s face off at the after party last night! I KNOW you saw them!”

Shrugging out of his jacket Adam doesn’t look or sound the least bit concerned. As he tosses it across the back of a chair he mumbles softly “Yeah, I did.” His next words shock me like nothing else has ever done. “You are making way too much of it all, Jake.” He turns his head back towards me but does not meet my eyes when he continues with “You know what tour life is like. No need to get this upset…”

I cannot believe my ears. Adam—Mr. Possessive, Alpha male himself saying THIS SHIT? I spit out “No need? Since when did you start liking the idea of sharing your men, Lambert?” Adam’s eyes turn icy grey as I continue “Then I guess I should get going. I’ll just find the closest club and…”

“Goddamn it, Jake! You are acting so fucking stupid!” I bristle at his tone. My hands tighten on the laptop, rage showing through my eyes. “Oh really? You spent HOW FUCKING LONG when I first met you and Tommy trying to keep me away from him, trying to make him all your own. Or have you forgotten your fit of rage when I tried to take him out on a date? You almost ripped my head off!” His hands falter while removing his necklace, his eyes lowering for a moment. Point scored. “And how about when we went to the club with Sutan and Cheeks? Sneaking TJ off behind my back so you could spend the night with him before I could! Or the…”

“Ok, enough! I get your point!” I watch him sigh and then glare at me as if I’ve gone too far. “But they were only kisses, Jake! It’s not like there were pictures of him blowing those guys…” Something about his tone changes slightly towards the end of that statement. Or am I imagining things?

“Oh…is there something you would like to fess up to, Adam?” I watch Adam’s expression turn from shocked to concern and then for one split second to something I did not expect—guilt. He tries to cover it up by pulling his sweaty tank top over his head before reaching for his tee shirt, his face turning away from me temporarily. 

Well this has been one hell of an anniversary! I find out one husband has been making out with random guys while the other has been unfaithful in much worse ways! 

“Adam?” I watch him turn back to me, his face composed and ready for a fight. He knows I saw. He knows I know. “This has been quite an anniversary!” I now see guilt cover his features. He forgot. Add one more to the list. “I wanted to talk to the two of you about starting a family together, but now I’m not even sure I want to stay married to the two of you. Have a good night, Adam.”

I click off the call and power down my laptop and reaching for my phone. Tommy’s not the only one who has a sounding board…


	3. Chapter 3

“So, he hung up on you too, huh?” Despite the severity of the situation Adam cannot help but laugh at Tommy’s opening comment. Leave it to his Glitterbaby to always know how to make him laugh, even when there is nothing to laugh at. 

The moment that Jake hung up on him Adam’s first reaction was to Skype call Tommy Joe. Maybe because he has known Tommy longer (and therefore, in Adam’s mind, better) or maybe it was because (unknowingly) Adam WAS really looking for Tommy to lighten his mood, he followed his instincts. Now he is VERY glad that he did. Adam notices that Tommy is sitting in Marilyn’s bedroom in their tour bus—the place that Tommy usually calls Adam from. Tommy has complained in the past that when he tries to call Adam or Jake from his bunk, someone almost always flings open the curtain to talk to him. 

“Yeah. Seems we’re both in the “Jake hung up on me today” fan club. That man needs to control his temper…”

“…the same way I need to control my lips, obviously” Tommy mumbles as he rubs his tear-reddened eyes. Seeing Tommy so upset immediately brings out the protective side of Adam. “Oh honey, he’s just upset, he’ll get over it! You know he loves you…” 

“Yeah, but this time I really messed up. I was so damn wasted! I have NO idea how one silly little kiss ended up like that…” Adam nods in understanding. He himself ended up in an awkward situation earlier in the year, one that he had told Tommy about but ended up keeping from Jake. He and Tommy had agreed that Jake would never be able forgive the ‘night in question’ so it ended up being their little secret, one Adam now wishes he had shared with Jake at the time. “You know how touring gets! You spend so much time alone, and the next thing you know you are surrounded by friends who have had just as much to drink as you, and things…” Tommy’s voice fades away, his eyes suddenly downcast. Adam wants to reach through the phone and hug him. “I wanted to call both of you and explain. I remember the first kiss and how it felt like—it made me feel less alone, you know?” Adam nods. “Then I had another shot and then I don’t remember…”

“You didn’t fuck anyone then, TJ? It was just kissing?” Tommy huffs loudly before chuckling. “Marilyn eventually walked in and pulled me to my bunk. Darren had tracked him down to fucking tattle on me. “You’re guitarist is sucking face, Marilyn. You better go get him.” He said I was whining and asking HIM for a kiss, so he simply dumped me in my bunk and told me to shut the fuck up and go to sleep. My hero!” Tommy bats his eyes at the screen a few times as Adam hears a distant “Oh fuck off, TJ!” The next thing he knows Marilyn’s face (in full stage makeup, which to Adam is still a bit discerning at the best of times) is taking up his entire screen. “Hi Adam! Your little Glitterslut is telling the truth. He only played kissy face with some of the biggest names in music!” Adam laughs as Tommy slaps Marilyn on the arm and Marilyn turns his face, sticking his tongue out at TJ before continuing with “We need to keep the alcohol away from this little lightweight of yours! He’s going to give my show a bad name!”

“As if THAT’S even possible, Marilyn!” Adam laughs before his tone turns serious. “Really…thank you so much for taking care of him. It must be hard keeping all those bad boys in line…” Marilyn smiles and ruffles Tommy’s hair. “It’s ok, Adam. I’ll make him behave—or I will recite Marx, Voltaire and Socrates to him 24/7 until he ends up in a strait jacket! Bye Adam!” As Marilyn leaves the room Adam once again calls out his thanks and Tommy shouts “Fuck you, Mari!” Before Tommy’s face fills the screen again, Adam sees Marilyn walking out of the room, one middle finger raised high in the air over his head. 

“Seriously, TJ—you need to calm it down a bit." Seeing the look of disdain on Tommy’s face he continues. “I know, I’m preaching to the choir.” Tommy smirks “Yeah, Babyboy…you sure as hell are! Who was it that got so wasted in the ‘not-so-distant past’ that he woke up with one dick in his face and another in his…” “TOMMY! We said we wouldn’t…” Tommy sneers for a second before continuing “…yeah, but you got into that situation by drinking yourself under the table IN PUBLIC, Adam! And if you hadn’t gotten drunk, you wouldn’t have done it. I hardly think that you…”

“Ok, ok! What say we BOTH try to take it easy on the booze, huh? Neither of us want to lose Jake over something that stupid, right?” Tommy’s eyes fill with tears again at the mention of Jake’s name. 

“I’m trying, Adam. I really am! I love both you and Jake so damn much.” Tommy sighs, pushing his bangs out of his eyes with the palm of one hand. “I try to just stay on the bus when everyone is out partying, but it gets so damn lonely…” 

“Well, what say that you just try and get some sleep and don’t think about anything else right now? I know that you have an early show tomorrow…” For a second Adam considers telling Tommy about Jake’s comment about starting a family, but he decides that it’s not the time to talk about something like that, not with Jake and Tommy on the outs at the moment.

“Will you sing me to sleep?” Adam cannot help but smile—Tommy’s little boy voice gets him every time. His love looks so worn out and fragile. “Sure, if you crawl into your bunk and get comfy first. I will always sing for you, Glitterbaby…”

 

Jake paces his small apartment for the umpteen time. Poor Jasper ran out of the room to his hiding place the second that Jake stared cussing at his phone twenty minutes ago. Why is it that, when you REALLY need someone to talk to, you can never contact anyone? Now he wishes that he had answered at least one of those phone calls earlier in the evening.

He started with Sophie but she didn’t pick up, so he tried Sutan then Brad and then finally his sister. It feels as if everyone fell off the planet at once! Jake paces into the kitchen to get a bottle of beer just as there is a loud knock at his front door.

“Who is it?” Jake calls out.

“Why don’t you just open the fucking door and find out?”

Great. The one person that he was trying to avoid. No, that’s not true. He is avoiding calling his mother-in-laws back, as well as avoiding both his husbands at all cost. This one he was actually hiding from.

Too late now.

“About time you open the fucking door!” Kellan yells as he pushes past Jake the second the door is unlocked. “I had to push through a bunch of photographers and that bitch from TMZ to get into your building!” 

“Fucking lovely” Jake growls as he locks his door again. From his kitchen he hears “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on, Jake. I know how you always clam up when you get upset.” Walking up to Jake with a smirk on his face, Kellan hands Jake a beer as he says “We better take this conversation to your bedroom. You know how those asswipes will eavesdrop at your door the best they can! C’mon.” 

Jake watches Kellan struggle to hold in his anger as he tells his friend what transpired over the last couple of hours. By the time he is finished it is Kellan who is pacing the small apartment, his hands balled into fists. “Those fuckers! Just what the FUCK are they trying to pull?” 

“Kellan…”

“NO! Just…just fucking listen to me, ok? I’M the one who, over the last eight months has watched how you have…suffered without them! I SAW the disappointment every time they failed to call, or email…or fucking skype you! How they forgot your birthday, your anniversary…while you never missed a single holiday or special occasion! I mean, yeah…we all fuck up but they do it CONTINUALLY! And I’m sick to death of you always defending them.” Jake’s head lowers and Kellan feels a stab of regret for speaking his mind. 

Jake raises his head when he feels Kellan sits down next to him and place his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…they have no idea how good they have it! I mean…” Kellan’s voice lowers to almost a whisper. “…I wish that I could find someone that would give to me just a tiny amount of the love and devotion that you give to them…and THIS is how they repay you!” Jake watches as his friend picks up a picture frame from Jake’s bedside table.

The photo was taken on their wedding day. Jake and Adam are standing next to each other, each with a hand on TJ’s shoulder. Tommy is standing just in front of them, both hands wrapped around his bouquet, bangs just slightly obscuring his eyes. All three of them are smiling brightly, their eyes shining as they stare into the camera. Tears fill Jake’s eyes once again as he thinks back to the most perfect day of his life.

“I’m…partially to blame, Kellan.” 

“Bullshit!”

“No, I am. Both asked me if I would work security for the bands they are in and I turned them both down. I could have at least gone with one of them. I didn’t need to take that movie roll…”

Kellan suddenly stands up, the move startling Jake. Their eyes meet for a moment before Kellan turns, throwing the frame against the wall so hard that the glass shatters. The sound echoes through Jake’s ears as his best friend asks in a voice full of venom “Are you their BABYSITTER or their HUSBAND?” There is a long pause as both men stare at the broken glass on the floor. Jake’s vision stays glued to the floor as Kellan softly says “What a metaphor, huh?” Jake makes no comment. “That’s how I view you now, Jake. Broken. In pieces. You are not the man you used to be. Where’s the man who stood up to Adam FUCKING Lambert AND WON? Where’s the man that took five bullets and almost died twice trying to save the man he loves? What happened to the brave man who took on the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD when he said ‘I do’ to the two men he loves more than life itself? The old Jake wouldn’t be sitting here wallowing in tears and self-pity, he would be shoving his middle finger up in the air and walking with his head held high, not giving a shit what people think. He would be putting those two bitches in their places and DEMANDING that they show him the respect that he deserves as their husband!” Jake raises his head, his eyes blank. Kellan tries one more time. “YOU have a right to your own career, to make choices for you own life! THEY made their choices, didn’t they? They are living their dream while you are sitting here in a cramped apartment wondering just what the fuck happened to YOUR dreams of having a family with the men you love. So what are you going to do, Jake? Sit on your ass and take the crumbs you get, or…” Kellan stomps over to the bedroom doorway, filling it with his large frame. “…are you gonna get up off your ass and be the man that I KNOW is still inside you, the man that takes the world by the balls and lives by his own rules. Your call, Jake.” 

Seconds later Jake hears his front door slam shut, hears voices calling out Kellan’s name, asking him about Jake and his men. Jake walks on shaking legs and kneels on the floor in front of the broken picture frame. “Better pick this up before Jasper hurts his paws” he thinks to himself. Seconds later he accidently cuts his palm on a piece of broken glass, the sting making him hiss.

As soon as the mess is cleaned up Jake makes his way into his bathroom to tend to his cut. As he does his eyes take in his expression in the bathroom mirror, and for the first time he sees himself as Kellan sees him. 

Broken. Expressionless. “This can’t go on like this. I can’t go on like this!” With a look of determination Jake squares his shoulders and takes a deep breath. “The only way that things will change is to MAKE them change” he says out loud to his reflection. “Get ready world…the old Jake is BACK!”


	4. Chapter 4

“FUCK I HATE SKYPE!” Tommy screams as he throws his phone against the wall of Marilyn’s bedroom on their tour bus. Marilyn turns around in his seat, his eyebrow raised. They have been on the road for six hours with at least three more hours of travel ahead of them. Tommy has been spending more and more time in Marilyn’s room instead of in his bunk, and while Marilyn hasn’t outright asked why, he feels as if he knows what is really behind Tommy’s outburst.

Even though Tommy suddenly feels like a petulant child as he crosses his arms over his chest, his expression dares Marilyn to comment on his temper tantrum. And Marilyn doesn’t disappoint; he throws the book that he was engrossed in onto the bed with a deep sigh. Sitting back in his chair he raises one hand in an encouraging gesture while asking in soft voice “Ok TJ spill it, what’s on your mind?”

Tommy instantly starts to rant “I HATE seeing them and not being able to touch them! I mean…” he lowers his voice, sadness seeping through his words. “…before, when we only made phone calls…it was…tolerable. But now it feels even worse…seeing and…”

“Come here, TJ.” Tommy doesn’t even look up; instead he merely walks across the room and sits down next to his best friend. Marilyn wraps an arm around Tommy, pulling him into an embrace. “I know, hon.” Marilyn’s face reflects Tommy’s pain for a moment before continuing. “I have been apart from loved ones before on the road, and I know what you’re going through. So I think I might have an answer to your problem.” Tommy pulls away from his friend just far enough to make eye contact. “I think you should take a few shows off and…”

“NO!” Tommy replies before Marilyn can even finish his thought. “I can’t leave you in a lurch…” “Just hear me out, Tommy!” Marilyn stands and picks up Tommy’s cell phone. “I called in a favor and found a temporary replacement for you for a few shows. Whenever you’re ready. I think you really should call your men and make arrangements for the three of you to get together in the next few days.” It takes another ten minutes for Marilyn to convince TJ that he should do his very best to work out his problems with his men as fast as possible. “If you don’t, you will spend the rest of your life miserable and make others around you just as miserable as you are! Shit, TJ! Do it for me if you won’t do it for yourself!” Marilyn pulls his face into a desperate pout that makes Tommy crack up laughing. “Ok boss! You’ve made your point! I’ll call the boys now if it will make you happy!” Marilyn pulls Tommy into a hug while commenting “I think I’ll go see if there’s any more chocolate cake in the kitchen so you’ll have some privacy. Be back in a little while.” Tommy thanks Marilyn, who simply smiles, hands Tommy his phone and then leaves the room.

 

Tommy stares at his phone for a few minutes, lost in thought. There was a time when touring with a great band or singer was all that Tommy thought about. Well, that and…finding a love that would stand the test of time. Now that he has both, he cannot shake the feeling that he’s about to lose either one or two of his dreams forever.

When Tommy agreed to marry Adam and Jake he knew that the three of them would have moments like this, where one or more of them wouldn’t be on the same page. Jake was the one that always wanted the whole ‘picket fence and children’ dream. Adam and Tommy? Well…they both wanted to settle down ‘someday’ and that was as far as the discussion went…someday. 

Three years into their marriage finds all three men successful musicians and actors in their chosen fields. Tommy has never spoken to Adam about the subject, but he has always had the feeling that the two of them are still on the same page—children will happen someday. Why push it? Adam is still at the top of his game, and Tommy? Well…he’s been more than satisfied playing first with Adam and now with Marilyn. But over the last year or so Jake has been making random comments about settling down and looking into adopting a baby. 

To be honest? The idea scares the hell out of Tommy. Confidence has never been one of Tommy’s strong points.

Tommy’s parents were…still are the best examples of raising children that Tommy could ever want or ask for, Adam’s parents as well. But he knows his short comings as well as he knows the cords he plays on his guitar. Knows he loves life on the road. Knows that he drinks too much. And while he is being honest with himself—he isn’t ready to become a parent. Not now. Tommy loves the freedom to able to pick up and play with any musician that asks him to, likes the option of being able to go on tour at the drop of a hat. 

He isn’t ready for apron strings…or changing diapers.

Tommy has worked with plenty of musicians who have children. He has watched how miserable they eventually became on the road, separated from their children (Monty comes to mind immediately, not to mention Frank Iero and a few others that Tommy has met since he began playing in Adam’s band) for long stretches of time. Tommy didn’t want to become a father who only checked in at bedtime for a quick word before taking the stage for the next show. If he were ever ready to have children (and what if it never happened? Stranger things have happened before) how could he leave his beloved music behind?

And just how in fuck is he going to be able to confess this shit to Jake?

Tommy heaves a deep sigh and runs his hand through his bangs in frustration. Maybe instead of running from the subject of having children he should really take some time to think things through. It would only be fair to Jake after all. He loves his husband very much, it’s about time he act like it. Squaring his shoulders, Tommy pulls up Skype on his phone and dials Jake. First things first—finding time for the three of them to get together. The very thought makes Tommy grunt in spite of himself—as if that was ever an easy task!

The second that Jake picks up Tommy’s Skype call Tommy can tell something is…off. No, not exactly off. Just…different about Jake. The way he seems to be moving around his bedroom with confident strides, the excited smile on his face. Tommy realizes that it’s been a long time since he has seen Jake smile. “Well…” Tommy thinks to himself as he hears Jake ecstatically return Tommy’s greeting with a cheerful “Hello darling!” “…at least he’s in a good mood!”

“Hey honey! I’m calling to see if the three of us could get together, maybe take a weekend vacation together? Marilyn has given me a few shows off, and the three of us need to get together in the same time zone and talk out a few things…” Tommy watches as Jake pulls a pile of clothes out of a dresser drawer and place them in an open suitcase. “Sorry Tommy but I can’t. I’m leaving in the morning for Sophie’s so I can drop Jasper off with her for a while. I’ll stay with her overnight before I hit the road on Thursday. Maybe in a few months…”

“But…” Tommy tries not to sound like he’s whining as he continues “…I was hoping that the three of us could get together…” Jake interrupts “Steve called this morning to say that “Angel’s Cause” is in trouble. With all of those so-called charities proving to be a scam, people are not donating money the way they did four or five years ago. There are eighty six teens on their waiting list, all of them needing extensive surgeries, and more are calling every day.” Jake’s eyes turn from brown to black; Tommy knows Jake’s thinking of his own injuries when he was a teen at the hands of bullies intolerant of Jake’s sexual identify. Tommy feels a sudden lump in his throat as he hears Jake practically whisper “Those kids won’t suffer one more day if I have anything to say about it.” 

The moment passes as Jake squares his shoulders and continues. “I’m heading to New York. Steve and I have a meeting with the head of the Chippendales scheduled for Friday.” There is a gleam of excitement in Jake’s eyes as he says “We are going to talk to them about resurrecting the “Bare as you Dare” tour.” 

“That’s great honey!” Tommy’s brain races to catch up with the details. “Then Adam and I…” Jake cuts Tommy off. “I want to get things rolling immediately, if they give their consent for us to join with them. I want to have everything in place as soon as possible, advertising and such.” Jake’s next words send a stab of jealousy down Tommy’s back. “I’ve asked Kellan to go with me to New York to help me get things started. He is even considering dancing in the show.” Noticing Tommy’s glare but not commenting on it Jake continues. “He has a while until his next movie starts filming, so he wants to be helpful in any way he can.” 

Jake looks at his husband for a moment before continuing—sees the jealousy, the disappointment on Tommy’s face. Interesting. So there IS a flicker of love left in his man after all! Well then…why not try and see just how far Tommy is willing to chase after what he wants?

“I’m glad you called, TJ. Tell Marilyn that you don’t need those days off after all. I’ll talk to you after I find out what my plans are. Take care.” With these final words Jake reaches out and disconnects their call, a small smile on his face.

Tommy stands stunned, the sound of their call disconnecting echoing through his ears. He takes a jagged breath before shaking himself mentally then places a call to Adam. The second he hears Adam say “Hey babes, what’s up?” Tommy whispers “Adam…I’m coming to see you tomorrow night. We need to talk…”


	5. Chapter 5

“Why are you wasting time playing games, Jake?”

Here it comes. I’ve been at Sophie’s house for all of two hours (and yes, I should be very grateful that she waited all of 10 minutes after my arrival to start in on my love life—or lack of it--a record for our friendship to be sure). I have been congratulating myself for fending her off this long—guess it’s time for face the music or she will hound me all night. 

Sophie moves closer to me on the couch as I try to ignore her, dialing up Skype on my laptop once again. Damn, another busy signal! Skype is more temperamental than my cell phone—and that’s saying something! 

As I set the laptop down gently on Sophie’s coffee table I try my hardest to keep the exasperation out of my voice as I answer “I’m not playing any games with anybody, Sophie!” 

“Mmmmhummmm…”

“I’m not!!! I just want to put all my time and energy into “Angel’s Cause” right now! Since the Federal Trade Commission came out with that new guideline regarding charities…”

“…you are avoiding the topic again! You always try and hide behind work when you are avoiding someone or something painful, Jake. It’s your way of coping, has been as long as I’ve known you. Or have you forgotten that I know you better than anyone else, even yourself?” 

I glance at the wall opposite the couch we are sitting on. If I needed confirmation of how long we’ve known each other, or how close we are, the pictures on this wall would surely tell the tale of our friendship. There is the one where I am standing behind her, hugging her with pride in my eyes as she holds her college diploma in her hands. Of our vacation in St. Thomas five years ago, as well as one of both of us talking to Mick Jagger. Pictures of barbeques, days at the beach and even one of us out on a double date together. Yep—I’ve known my girl for a long time, that’s for sure. 

It’s the large pictures in the center of the wall that stand out the most.

One is a picture of Sophie standing with her arms around Raja and Brad, taken a few hours after my wedding ceremony. Another is of Sophie, sandwiched between Tommy and Adam right before the three of us sneak off to board the plane on our honeymoon.

The last one is a copy of the photo that Kellan threw against the wall in my apartment, shattering the glass. That one sends a sudden stab of guilt down my spine.

I AM playing games…

“Sophie” I start, my eyes staring deeply into hers. “You know I love you like a sister, I really do. I have listened patiently as you have lectured me for years on subjects ranging from my choice of dates to the motorcycles I bought. But this time I’m asking you…NO! I’m TELLING you…” I see a look of defiance fill her eyes at my ordering her about, something I rarely even try. “BACK OFF! It’s MY life and MY marriage and I’ll handle them both the best way I see fit, understand?”

I must have a guardian angel somewhere up in heaven that I wasn’t aware of, because at this exact moment my cell phone rings. Glancing at the screen I turn back to Sophie, excitement in my voice as I say “That’s the guy from the FTC! I’ve been waiting for him to call!” I stand and make my way quickly out of the room, calling over my shoulder “If Skype should ring, will you answer it for me, please?”

I am about ten minutes into my conversation with the FTC secretary when I hear Skype ring on my laptop. I surmise that Sophie must still be nearby it, because after only two rings silence again fills the air from the other room. After asking two final questions of the man on the phone, I politely thank him for his time and trouble and disconnect the call, making my way back into the living room.

The sight in front of me shocks me into silence. I see something that I have never EVER seen before.

My best friend, her jaw practically on the floor and her face pale, is choking out gibberish that would make a one year old baby sound like a valedictorian of a university graduation.

What the actual FUCK? I mean, through my body guarding jobs in the past, Sophie has managed to meet some of her favorite television and music stars, and she has NEVER acted this star struck before! I guess there is a new celebrity crush I’m not aware she is enamored with. And I am surprised who it is when I hear a familiar voice reply in a Texas accent…

“Well then honey, I won’t take up any more of your time. Please just let Jake know I called…” Before any action can take place on the other side of the computer I yell out…

“It’s ok, Jensen. I’m here now.” As I circle the coffee table to take my seat on the couch I almost kill myself tripping over Sophie’s feet, which she fails to move out of my way so I can sit down. Sophie cannot even form an apology for not moving out of my way. Damn, the girl is in another time zone!

“Let me introduce the two of you. Jensen, this is my longtime friend Sophie. And Sophie, you know this is Jensen Ackles, from the television show “Supernatural,” correct?”

Sophie gives an absentminded nod of her head in recognition and Jensen’s face breaks out in a huge smile as he says “I’m pleased to meet ya, Sophie!” From off screen Sophie and I hear a voice jokingly ask “And what am I? Chopped liver?” 

A scruff of dark hair and beard enter the screen as a chair is shuffled over next to Jensen. I chuckle as I turn to Sophie, pure amusement hitting me full on as I watch her eyes grow unbelievably larger, her face paler. “And the chopped liver sitting next to Jensen is Misha Collins, who plays Castiel on the same show.” Misha turns on the charm as he replies with a nod of his head. “Pleasure to meet you, Sophie. A friend of Jake’s is a friend of ours, right Jensen?” Jensen nods, his arm coming around Misha’s shoulder in a bro-hug. “That’s right! So you’re stuck with us, darlin’! Hope you are prepared for the ride…”

Knowing how these two can bullshit forever I get straight to the point. “What’s up, guys? Something wrong? And aren’t you on set?”

Misha gives me a glare that, if I didn’t know him as well as I do, would say that he hates my guts. “What the fuck, man? We had to stop filming to call and bitch you out when we heard through Jared…JARED, mind you!...that you are getting Angel’s Cause back up and running again WITHOUT US!” 

Jensen innocently points a finger at Misha, commenting in a deadpan voice. “What he said.”

“No phone call asking us to dance! And you KNOW what good dancers we are! Especially when we do the Harlem shake…”

“What he said.”

“And I’m SURE you would LOVE our personal donation of both money AND time, devoted to our favorite charity…which just happens to be YOURS, moron…”

This time Jensen simply points a finger at Misha and quips “Yep!”

“But OF COURSE, Mr. “I DON’T NEED HELP” refused to reach out to his friends who can give the most AMAZING dance steps since “SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?” hit the airwaves…”

“UUMMMMM HUMMMMMM”

I glance over at Sophie during this exchange and burst out laughing. I have never seen her so enthralled with anything before. I call out “Ok, ok! I get it! You are pissed off that I have gone against the ‘bro-code’ and decided to take on the world by myself, right? Well…” I pause for effect, even though they both know that I could NEVER be as dramatic as either one of them. “If you would have just kept your panties on, I was going to call you tomorrow morning before heading out to New York City to meet the owner of the Chippendales. I was going to ask if you both would be in the show…”

“No.”

“No?” I hear Sophie give out a surprised little shriek next and I can’t help myself—I burst out laughing. So I decide to play along. “Then I thank you for calling and bitching me out, I guess I deserved it. I will speak to you later…”

There is a pause (for drama, of course) as my two friends turn towards one another, pretending to consider what to do next. Before either one of them can make a reply Sophie calls out “NO! PLEASE! If you walk away now, there won’t be anyone…as sexy-beautiful to dance in the shows…” Somewhere, in the deep recesses of Sophie’s mind, she must have realized what she’s just done. She blushes a dark red as she clamps a hand over her mouth. 

Jensen, ever the gentleman, saves the day. His smile is sincere as he replies “Well…thank you, honey…from both of us!” Misha nods, a large smile on his face. “That’s very kind of you…” Then he turns his eyes back to mine as he says “And you are still an asshole for trying to turn away all this sexy-beaufifulness! But we forgive you…”

“Speak for yourself…” Misha quips, his lips turned up in a smirk. “I will CONSIDER forgiving you, as long as I get top billing…and cheese cake. Lots of cheesecake.”

Complete sincerity and brotherly love colors Jensen’s next words. “And we would still love to work with you on this project, Jake. We love you, bro.” I choke up a bit as I reply “I love you too, guys. And thank you…from the bottom of my heart. I promise to call the two of you as soon as the meeting is over at the end of the week. Now, you better get back to set, before they fire both of you! Tell Jared I said hello.” Misha scoffs “Will do. And the producers, get rid of our sexy-beautifulness? Never!” We all laugh, exchanging our goodbyes as a voice in the background calls the boys back to the set for their next scene. 

There is a long pause before pain suddenly shoots down my arm, Sophie landing punch after punch on my shoulder. “Why the FUCK didn’t you tell me you know those two sexy bitches, Jake???? You ass!” 

“OWWWW! You got a good swing for a girl, Sophie!” As predicted, she swings even harder, making me chuckle loudly. “Ok, ok…I give! I apologize! But how the hell was I to know that you would freak out over meeting them like you did? You didn’t do that with Kellan!” Sophie snorts loudly. “Kellan’s sexy and cute…but JENSEN AND MISHA??? Whole new level of sexy! Damn! And they both seem so nice! You make the best friends, Jake!” I chuckle as I wrap my arms around Sophie and pull her closer to my side, giving her a tight hug. “Yeah, I do. You, my dear…are the BEST as far as I am concerned!” Sophie smiles and meets my eyes. “I feel the same way about you, you know I do. That is why I worry so much…”

Drawing a deep breath I blurt out “Then help me, ok? Help me get my men back. I…love them both so much, Soph. If I have to play a game to get them back…” my eyes fill with sudden tears of fear and uncertainty. “…then help me win, please?”

Sophie stares into my eyes for a long moment. Reaching out to brush away a stray tear which has made its slow path down my cheek, she gives me a bright smile as she softly answers “Of course I will, love. Now…fill me in on the game plan…”


	6. Chapter 6

I manage to run ten miles on Sophie’s treadmill before she is even out of bed the following morning. We had stayed up until after 2am planning and plotting the best ‘game plan’ to win back both my husband’s attention. After Sophie and I drank our way through our first bottle of wine and were well on our way into the second, Sophie became much more animated. I practically had to sit on her to keep her from dialing Tommy and Adam to bitch them out for the way they’ve been treating me. Every time she would stutter “I’m gonna….give em’ a…piece of…my mind…” I would turn the subject back to Jensen and Misha—and she would automatically blurt out “Aren’t they just the CUTIEST????...” In case you haven’t noticed—Sophie + wine = short attention span, which I use to my advantage when I can.

By the time I had showered, ate and packed my bag Sophie stumbles into the living room, her shirt twisted around her upper body and her hair resembling the aftermath of a wind storm. I laugh as I listen to her first attempt to string coherent words together to form a sentence, taking pity on her by handing her a glass of water and two Motrin that I had set aside for her earlier. I have spent enough time in the past partying with Soph to know what she will require after an evening such as last night.

“I’m all packed up and ready to head out in ten, Soph. Thanks so much for watching Jasper for me. I put all of his things on the kitchen table.” Sophie nods while taking a large sip of water. “I will call as soon as I have the meeting tomorrow.”

To my surprise I end up with a strangle hold around my middle and a sloppy kiss my left cheek.

“A kiss for luck, Jake. Not that you’ll need it, mind you. You have enough charm to take on all of Hollywood, as you have proven already. I’m glad we got to talk last night.”

“Yeah Soph, thanks for staying up with me. I feel so much better today after talking with you.” Sophie smiles widely as she kisses me again. “You’re welcome, Jake. Now stop worrying so damn much! If you just stick with our plan everything will turn out fine. And really, call the SECOND you get out of that meeting tomorrow! I need time to prepare myself to see those sexy men naked!”

“Did I hear you say that you want me to take my clothes off, darling?” Kellan waltzes into the room as if he owns it, overnight bag in hand. He smirks at me as he leans in to kiss Sophie on the cheek, snarking out “The door was open so I came right in. I figured you couldn’t wait any longer to see me…”

“Wrong, Kell. I can wait forever if it means I have to put up with your smart mouth…” The only other person that I have ever seen Sophie get this snarky with is Sutan, so this shows exactly how much my best friends adore one another. Between these two…the more sarcastic, the better.

“Smart mouth, sexy body…I’ve got the whole package, baby…” Kellan’s blue eyes sparkle as I cross the room to shake Kell’s hand. “Glad you made it, dude!”

“Wouldn’t miss it man. Now let’s get going or we’ll miss our plane.”

 

Ten o’clock the next morning finds Kellan and me sitting in the office of Mark Renaldo, the CEO of Chippendales International. For the first time since I’ve known Kellan he is sitting completely silent next to me, watching and waiting for a chance to add to the conversation. Me? I’m nervous but confident that I can persuade Mark that Angel’s Cause is worthy enough to take a chance on a second time around.

“…so I’m sure that with this data we can convince the public that we are legit…”

Mark silences me with a raised hand. “Now Jake…I know the reputation of the Cause inside and out, and I’m sure that with your knowledge of the FTC’s guidelines and your charm with the press, you will be able to make this opportunity a success.” I take a deep breath and let it out in a loud ‘whoosh’…does this mean that we are good to go?

“I have just one question for you.” A feeling of sudden dread washes over me. Mark has shifted forward in his seat, his hands rubbing together in anticipate of my answer. A sudden panic grips my chest—this can’t be good. “Will your two husbands be a part of the tour as well, Jake?”

Next to me I can feel Kellan bristle, a mumbled curse reaching my ears. “Why do you want to know, Mark?”

“Well…” Mark glances at Kellan as if he expects my friend to swing a fist at him any second. “…I was just thinking of how successful that part of the tour was for both of us last time, and…”

“Are you saying that, if Jake refuses to have both of his husbands participate in the tour this time around, you will turn him down? Even if he can guarantee an amazing line up of celebrities at each show?” I turn in my seat, my hand on his arm in a silent signal to stop his rambling. When Kell seems to have finally regained his composure, even though his face is still red and his hands are clenched into fists, I turn back to Mark and ask in a soft voice “Well Mark? Is Kellan correct?”

Mark sighs deeply, his shoulders slumping a bit as he stares at his desk top. “Basically, that IS what I’m saying.” I squeeze Kell’s arm to keep him quiet as I ask “Can you please explain to me why this entire enterprise rests on the availability of both my husbands and their willingness to take their clothing off in public?” 

“Oh come on, Jake! Face it!” Mark reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a few articles he has downloaded from the internet or cut out of magazines, spreading them across his desk. Stories about my marriage—is it legitimate? Are we fighting? Have we made up? Why are we NEVER seen in the same place at the same time? (Good question—I’d like the answer to that one myself) and quite frankly I am surprised by the sheer amount of type space that has been dedicated to my relationship over the last three years. I shouldn’t be though—the unique always gathers more unwanted attention than anything else, right? But I’m sure that Adam and Tommy are aware of every article sitting in front of Mark. I have often chided them for their total immersion in the internet—and now, maybe I have in front of me for the first time the reason for their obsession. I need to pull my head out of my ass more often.

“The world thinks that the three of you either have an illegal marriage because there are three men involved, or they believe that there is trouble in paradise. So it’s safe to say that most of the world thinks that your marriage will fail. But if we can have all THREE of you doing shows together, it would prove to everyone that the three of you have not broken up. Then just think of how popular the show would be! And how much money the Cause would make because of the three of you!” Before I can stop him Kellan sarcastically adds “And you too, if I am correct?”

Mark glares at Kellan before turning back to me with a shrug. “Look, I’m a businessman, plain and simple. I look for trends that will help my organization grow, the same as any other CEO. Like it or not Jake, you and your husbands are a hot topic right now, especially after that mess of an interview with TMZ.” Once again, Kellan growls just loud enough to be heard. “I couldn’t care less about the actual condition of your marriage—it’s none of my business. What IS my business is selling fantasy sex to women and men who are willing to spend cash on hot, buff men that they can’t take home with them when the show is over. And right now? You and your two men ARE those hot buff men! So…” Mark pulls a contract out from under the pile of papers that are now scattered over his desktop. “…do we have a deal? Will all three of you be a part of the show?”

I feel Kell glaring a hole in the side of my neck as I struggle not to throw up. “How long of a tour are we talking about, Mark? Ten weeks, eighteen weeks? Because Adam is on tour and Tommy is too, playing for Manson…”

“I can’t believe you are actually CONSIDERING this!” Kell growls out, his rage building. I try to ignore him as Mark takes a glance at his extended calendar on the wall behind us.

“Eighteen weeks, with a rider option to renew if both parties agree. But I’m only asking for the three of you to preform together for the first, say…eight.”

Eight weeks. That’s a hell of a long time, considering at the moment I’m not sure if we have a future together.

“I’ll have to call Adam and Tommy first, check their schedules and see if they are willing to participate.”

Mark hands me the contracts. “Go ahead, I understand. I will be leaving for Paris first thing in the morning, so take these with you. Call me with your answer, and if it’s yes then sign them and either drop them off or have them couriered here.” Mark stands up and shakes my hand. “I hope you make the right decision for all of us, Jake. Take care.” Mark shakes Kell’s hand quickly as if scared for his life. He should be. I’ve seen Kellan’s rage first hand and it’s not a pretty sight.

Once we reach the street I feel Kell grab my arm and start tugging me in the direction of our hotel. I try to suggest we go out to lunch to talk things over but Kell’s answer is to squeeze my arm even tighter, our steps quickening as he drags me into the lobby of the hotel. I try to ignore the questioning glances we get as I am practically shoved into the first available elevator and then down the hall and into our room.

“JUST WHAT IS FRESH HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT A DEAL LIKE THAT JAKE? ARE YOU CRAZY???” I duck to avoid Kell’s swinging arms as he paces around the room. I decide despite the risks to poke the tiger even more by being stupid enough to ask “Are you finished having your fit now?” 

“ARE YOU FINISHED BEING STUPID NOW?” When I refuse to answer his retort Kell continues with “DIDN’T THINK SO!” 

The next circuit Kellan storms around the small room is my chance—I reach out and grab his arm tightly, holding on so he has no other choice but to stand still and look at me. “Kell…” I practically whisper, trying to break through the wall of stress between us. “I want to do the right thing by the charity. Don’t you understand that? They need the money and…”

I watch all the anger drain out of my best friend as he traces both his hands gently over my face, coming to rest on my neck in much the same way that Adam does with Tommy. Kell’s face breaks into a small smile as he stares into my eyes. “You give everything you have and more to the people in your life, Jake Andolini. You give more than anyone I’ve ever known, to the point that you constantly put yourself last in detriment to your own happiness. It’s part of your charm. It’s why people are attracted to you. But it is why, if the people around you who love and care about you do not keep a close eye on you…you will be alone and miserable for the rest of your life.” With a deep sigh Kell surprises me by leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to my lips before continuing with “Make your plans, Jake. Do what you think is necessary. I know that trying to talk you out of anything is impossible. Just know that I will be here to lean on when your men break your heart.” Kellan removes his hands from my skin and heads towards the door, calling out “I’m taking a walk, I’ll see you in an hour and we can do lunch, my treat. That will give you time to call Adam and Tommy. See you later, Jake.” Right before the door slams shut I see Kell turn back, a devilish grin lighting up his face. “By the way…tell them I said “hi”…”

I’m left standing in the center of our hotel room, my lips tingling from our short kiss and wondering what in the world just happened…


	7. Chapter 7

I call Adam and SURPRISE! my husbands answer skype together. A stab of annoyance travels down my spine when I see the two of them sitting on Adam’s bed on his bus. Tommy must have hightailed it straight to Adam as soon as we ended our last conversation.

“Jake!” Tommy calls out, sounding both surprised and a tiny bit guilty. “I didn’t expect we would hear from you so soon.” Adam gives me a small smile as he quietly says “Hey honey.”

I return the greeting and jump right in, telling them about the meeting and the tour. I can see that they are both excited about the idea but I want them to hear all of the plans before they commit. “According to the schedule that Mark gave me, the dancers are on hiatus for the next two weeks then they will have one week to practice their new tour routines.” I pause while both Adam and Tommy nod in understanding. “Even though the combined tour will be for eighteen weeks, Mark is asking for the three of us to perform the first eight weeks together. That is…” I try to keep the nervousness out of my voice as I continue “…if you are interested…”

Tommy is practically bouncing in his seat trying to keep still, while Adam has a pensive look on his face which says that he’s dreading telling me something. Tommy doesn’t give Adam a chance; he blurts out “My tour with Marilyn ends in three weeks, so I’m in!”

“Adam?”

“Baby, my tour runs for four more weeks. But…” Adam’s face brightens up as he continues “…as soon as it is finished, I would love to join the two of you. Can you wait that long?” 

I pause before I answer with “I will talk to Mark. Either we wait a whole month for you and start together, or maybe he will want me to start with the others and bring both of you in on that second week of tour as a surprise, you know…no prior publicity.” I look at the hopeful look on both of my husband’s faces and I swear I can feel my heart swell a bit. “Thanks, both of you for wanting to do this. It means the world to me. You know how much this charity…”

“Say no more, honey. Tommy and I cannot wait to work with you again on this. How have you been?”

The three of us chitchat for another ten minutes or so, keeping the conversation steered away from our relationship problems. As soon as I hear Kellan swipe the door with his key card I blurt out “Well ok then, I will call as soon as I speak to Mark.” I look up to see Kell standing in the doorway of our room, hands on his hips. “I love you both but I have to go now. Talk soon.” Both my husbands murmur a disappointed goodbye seconds before I click on the red button to disconnect our call.

“You ready to go?” I close my laptop, nod and stand, making my way over to the hotel room door. Kellan lets out a long sigh and leads the way down the hall, deciding not to comment on my declaration of love for my men. He knows that I’ll simply tell him to shut the fuck up and mind his own business, so why bother, right?

On the way to lunch I call Sophie and fill her in on the meeting and my conversation with my husbands. Unlike Kell (who seems convinced that my marriage is sure to fail) she seems to think that Adam and Tommy’s decision to dance with the tour is a good sign and the perfect opportunity for us to repair our relationship. I tell her that I will be to her house the following afternoon to pick up Jasper, and she makes me promise that we will spend the evening together before I head home. I tell her to choose a restaurant and make a reservation, and I have to laugh when I hear her excited squeal as I tell her that dinner is my treat. I have to take good care of my very own personal cheerleader, don’t I?

 

Once I get home the next two weeks are insanely busy. The first thing on my agenda is to check in with Steve. He tells me that over the last week or so he has received another 11 requests for financial aid from the families of hospitalized teens. I feel my chest tighten but I cheerfully comment “Hopefully things will begin to turn around soon.” I then fill Steve in on my meeting with Mark. “The Chippendales PR team contacted me this morning. They have already started to put the word out about the tour but you know me, I like to handle things myself.” I hear Steve chuckle as I continue. “I will pay for the extra PR out of my own pocket.” 

“Jake! You can’t do that! Just send me the bills…”

“Nope, won’t have it. The Cause is already in the red and I will not add to the burden you already have. Don’t worry about a thing; I’ll take care of it” After a few more housekeeping items I promise to send a detailed schedule to Steve as soon as things are settled with Mark. “I’ll call you as soon as I have a lineup of dancers ready to go. You just keep everyone’s spirits up until the money starts coming in, ok?” I hear tears in Steve’s voice as we say our goodbyes. I know just how he feels…

Mark had agreed with my second suggestion, so I spend two whole days trying to come up with a list of celebrities that would dance with me for at least the first week, until Tommy and Adam could join us and I could find other replacements. I do realize that I am asking everyone short notice, but usual it isn’t difficult to get celebrities to take their clothes off in Weho as long as there is publicity involved. But for some reason I keep getting turned down and my frustration level is beginning to hit the roof. Then I get an idea…

“Station KIIS, Ellen K. speaking…”

I knew I kept this private number for some reason. Now I know why…

“Ellen! Jake Andolini here, how are you?” 

“JAKE! It’s been way too long! How are you?” I am so glad that she answered the phone instead of Ryan or Manny. “Well I will be able to say I’m doing great if there is a time slot for me tomorrow morning…” I quickly fill Ellen in the tour and my difficulty finding “talent” for the first week. “So do you think you can fit me in for a short interview? To get the word out?”

“I’m sure we can…wait honey, Ryan just walked in. Let me put you on hold for a sec…”

Oh joy…

Ryan Seacrest has long been a supporter of Adam since his Idol days, particularly because any celebrity that scumbag Ryan can charm into putting up with his shit for more than one minute brings him into the limelight and makes him a bigger star. Adam (sweet man that he is) gets along with Ryan for the most part but Tommy and I can’t stand the man. The problem is that, for all his slimy character flaws Ryan has the most popular radio show around…and that means that at the moment I have to play nice with him.

I’d rather cut out my tongue with a dull knife.

Ellen comes back on the line and says “Jake honey, hold the line. Ryan wants to talk to you. Take care.” Before I can say anything I’m left to deal with Mr. Slimy himself.

“Jake! Long time no talk! Ellen told me about your dilemma and OF COURSE you can come on the show tomorrow! Can you get here in time if we put you on the air in the 9am slot?” 

“Yeah, I’m make it. Thanks for doing this…”

“…but there is one tiny favor I must ask of you…” I hear Ellen moan in the background and then say “RYAN! You DOG…” “I would love it if you and your beautiful husbands would come to the studio and be on the show soon. Think you can arrange that?” Ryan tries to sound friendly but I know that he can hear advertising money being dropped into his bank account as we speak. Creepy little asshole. But then again…when Adam and Tommy join the tour we will need even more publicity, so…”Yeah, Ry. I’m sure I can work something out for the near future. Just let me check their schedules and…”

“No rush, Jake! We will see you at, shall we say, 8am or so?”

I end the call knowing that Ryan will hound the hell out of me in the morning, so I end up having a quick three-way call with Adam and TJ to fill them in on Ryan’s ‘idea.’ Neither of them are happy but they agree, so we decide on a date for our interview with Ryan and, since it is so late, we end up saying goodnight a lot earlier than I thought we would. Part of me is disappointed but since I have to get up extra early in the morning I head to bed. 

 

Tommy is still smiling three hours after listening to Jake’s interview with Ryan. As usual, Ryan tried to steer the conversation towards their relationship but Jake managed to cut him off most of the time, focusing on the tour and making a plea to celebrities to join him onstage. Tommy is really proud of his husband. When Jake sets his mind to something there really is no stopping him.

Tommy pulls out his phone and dials Sutan.

“Hello? This better be good…I’m in the middle of doing my nails…”

“Hey Tranma! I was wondering if I could enlist your help…”

“Anything, VaVey! What does my punkin’ need?”

“I need dancing lessons…and I need them quick.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending of this short chapter is for my sweet Gemi, who has put up with my being a whining bitch lately. Sorry babes...xo

To my complete surprise the rest of the tour details come together without a hitch. Steve and I release Angel Cause’s financial records and 990 forms on the internet to prove that we are a legit organization and suddenly the buzz begins.

Steve ends up calling me at least 10 to 12 times a day with requests for interviews with TMZ, 20/20, The View…the list goes on and on. I spent three whole days running around doing one interview after another, with Kell or Jensen joining me for a few of the last ones. By the end of the week Mark calls me to ask if he can add on more tour dates. Looks like we’re back in full swing! And then the Ellen interview happens…

Ellen has conducted many interviews with Adam and me in the past. She keeps trying to get TJ on her show but he always politely refuses, saying he’s too shy. Ellen is a friend of Adam’s and travels in the same circles he does in Hollywood, so they see each other more often than most people realize. She and her wife Portia were even at our wedding. Me? I’ve been on her show three times before (mostly connected to some movie release) and she has always been great to speak with. She makes sure to stop by the green room before the show to ask if there are any topics that are off limits. Unlike other hosts Ellen actually does stay within those set boundaries. But this time? I’m stuck in traffic and arrive after taping has already begun, so there is no chance for our usual conversation before I’m rushing out on stage for my fifteen minutes with Ellen.

I can tell she’s hunting for bear this visit the second I sit down on the couch. 

”Well, Jake! It’s certainly good to see you again!” I return the greeting and she says “This visit isn’t related to a movie project though. Why don’t you tell us what you’ve been up to lately, hum?” 

After discussing AC and the tour Ellen’s questions turn much more personal. 

“So Jake, how are things with you, Adam and Tommy Joe?” I see a devious grin in Ellen’s eyes as my wedding photo appears on the screen behind me. I take a deep breath and plaster on my best fake smile for the audience. “Things are busy but they’re good, Ellen.” Is it my imagination, or do I see a smirk cover her lips for a second? “Adam will be finishing up his tour in about three weeks or so, and Tommy Joe will finish touring with Marilyn Manson in less time. Then it’s a well-earned vacation for them! They both deserve it.”

“Mmmm, yes they do.” Ellen leans towards me a bit as she continues with “Any chance that they will be joining you on the Cause tour, Jake?”

She wiggles her eyebrows up and down as a shirtless picture of Adam, TJ and I flashes on the screen behind us, the crowd screaming so loud I wouldn’t be the least surprised if the sound man suddenly became deaf. I laugh as I wiggle my eyebrows up and down as I respond “I guess you will just have to wait and see, my dear.” Ellen laughs and then sets me up for the zinger...

“Any chance for children in the future? I know that you three have been looking forward to settling down and raising a family…” I can feel all the blood drain from my face as I stammer out “Uuuhhh, well…”

Ellen immediately realizes that she’s made a mistake; I can see it in her eyes. She tries to help me recover by continuing. “I’m sure that with the oncoming tour and all, children must be off the table for the three of you for a while, right?” I nod my head and pray that I do not look as stupid as I think I do. “Yeah, the three of us have been so busy over the last three years that we haven’t had any time to even consider starting a family yet.” Ellen nods sympathetically but I can’t help myself—I give it right back to her. “What about you and Portia? Any babies in your future?” Ellen shifts uneasily in her seat as she shakes her head. “Nah, we are happy just the way we are. But the three of you are still young, you have many years for parenthood ahead of you.” Ellen changes the subject and before I know it I’m heading off stage, practically running out the back door of the studio with Ellen’s assistant running after me, yelling for me to stop. 

 

So far I have dealt with the schedule for the tour, the extra publicity and interviews, have looked into restaurants willing to cut us food deals in each city we are visiting (in exchange for getting the word out for their generosity, of course!) and have been working out like fiend so I can keep my girlish figure (cause working out on the road can sometimes be a real bitch—trust me I know, I’ve done this before remember?) so there is only one final detail I need to take care of—one that is VERY important. 

I need a tour bus. And if possible…one that already has a recording studio in the back.

Not much to ask for, right? Yea, no problem…

Adam is the one that needs the recording studio of course. Heaven forbid the guy take a break for a while! But he wants to be able to record any track that might ‘come to mind’ while we are on the road, so here I am at 2am trying to track down a tour bus that I can afford that has not only enough room for many guys but has a ‘small’ recording studio decked out in the back of it. I will spare you my internal whining (that my husband would rather play with auto tune than with me) because my cell phone suddenly rings.

“Hello?” 

“Uuuhhh…” I’m beginning to think that I’ve got a wrong number or a pervert on the line until I hear “…is this Jake Andolini? I’m sorry to be calling so late but we just got off stage and…”

“IERO? Is that you?” I can barely hear the caller’s voice over what sounds like a bunch of guys in a small amount of space, like a tour bus.

“Yeah, it’s me. How ya been, Jake?”

A smile crosses my face. It’s been quite a while since I last saw Frank— not since I was security for My Chemical Romance, long before I met my husbands. I have always liked Frank—he is never fake like other musicians that I have encountered in my years working as a body guard for celebrities. We have always kept in touch but since he started his solo career the poor guy hasn’t stood still for a second.

We talk for ten minutes or so, until Frankie’s yawns are interrupting every other sentence the guy is trying to make. “Dude, you’re tired…I should let you go…”

“Not before I get to why I’m calling, dude. I hear from Ackles that you need a tour bus.” Jensen knows Frank? Why is that not a surprise? “He said you were looking for one with a recording studio in the back, right?” This must be my lucky day. “I’ve got one, dude. You can have the old My Chem bus, complete with all of Ray’s fancy recording equipment—on one condition.”

Oh shit…here it comes…

“You let me dance in a few shows…”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks...starting with this chapter on out, writing this is going to be a bit complicated! With so many characters coming and going I will either post a list of each segment at the beginning of each chapter, or I will put a heading at the beginning of each section--whatever makes more sense at the time. If I am vague please let me know as we go. I hope you are enjoying this tale of mine so far and I thank you for reading it. Comments are welcome!  
> xoxo to all...

Next day, 2nd conversation with Frankie—Jake’s POV

I finally get a chance to sit down and decompress by myself for the first time in days and guess what? My phone rings. I grunt and grumble until I look down and notice that it’s Frankie. I get comfy on my couch, Jasper cuddling around me as I answer the phone.

After a few minutes of catching up with each other Frank tells me that his mother Linda and his wife Jamia are currently scrubbing the hell out of the old My Chem tour bus that he is letting me borrow. When I tell him that I intend to do the cleaning myself when the bus got here Frank cuts me off, mumbling something about “Way brother’s stinky feet” and then refusing to clarify when I press him about it further, only commenting “Dude, you don’t wanna know, really...”

“Those poor ladies! Why in the hell would they want to deal with that if it’s as bad as you say?”

“They don’t want me to have to travel halfway across America smelling that shit. Don’t worry about it. Jamia says she knows the perfect way for me to make it up to her.” I can hear Frank’s voice turn nervous all of a sudden.

“Dancing in the show you mean…”

“We have an unspoken rule in our marriage, Jake. I get to gallivant across the world playing and screaming at the top of my lungs and when my baby asks for something important to her she gets it. She hasn’t asked for anything from me until now.”

“Her fantasy Frank…”

“Hell yeah! She wants me to…well, I guess you will get to see it soon enough, right?” When I agree he asks, a bit shy. “We DO get to choose our own clothing for the shows, right?” 

“Yeah, Frankie…”

I hear the excitement returning to his voice as he yells out “Cool! I am going to leave in the morning, as soon as I get my clothes washed and packed. Oh yeah, I forgot…” 

“Yeah, Frank. What is it?” I shift my phone to the other ear. “Can I bring a camcorder with me to record my part in the show for Jamia?”

“No.”

“No?” Frank’s voice is colored with confusion. 

“No, Frank. Well…I guess if Jamia wants to bring a small one to the show herself that’s ok, just tell her to make sure it’s out of sight of the audience though.”

“What do you mean? How can she…”

“Bring her and your mom and the kids with you on the bus, Frankie. That way you get to spend time with all of them on the trip here, and when you arrive all of you can have fun sightseeing and stuff before the shows. And, if your mother is willing…” I can’t keep the smile out of my voice. “…Jamia can watch your act in person. I will make reservations for that new waterpark hotel in WeHo for all of you, I’ll book two rooms…”

“NO JAKE! That place is almost three hundred a night! I can’t afford it and I won’t let you…” 

“C’mon Frankie! I’m doing it and I don’t want to hear another word from you! You are doing me a huge favor letting us have the bus, and you of all people deserve a vacation with your family.” I tell him that my friend Joe (he’s a driver for Greyhound Bus Service—I met him when he was driving for the Stones when I was doing security) will meet them at 10am the next morning where the bus is being stored. “Don’t worry—he will have his license and all his paperwork with him. He’s a great guy, I’m sure you all will like him.” Before Frankie can continue to fight with me over my choice of hotel I simply say to him “Have a good trip, Frank! See you soon!” and hang up. I can’t help but smile as I call and make a reservation at the hotel. 

 

 

Tommy’s dance lesson—Tommy POV

“Sutan! Even the slaves in Egypt got a break once in a fucking while! Back off a minute, Tranma!” I am beginning to regret even asking him for help with my dancing. What I intended to be a few pointers is turning out to be an entire episode of “RuPaul’s Drag U”—with me as the only contestant! I have been plucked, waxed, manicured, pedicured, razor cut and buffed—all within two hours! Now it’s finally on to the dancing and shit, I find out that Sutan wants to turn me into Ginger fucking Rodgers or something…

“Oh for fuck sakes, Vayvee! You whine more than a woman in labor!” Before I know it Sutan has grabbed my forearm and is dragging me from the backstage area where he is preforming this evening in the “Drag Queen of America” contest.

I mutter out “Don’t you have to get ready for tonight?” and smirk as I hear him scoff. “Mamma has it in the bag, darling. Now shut the fuck up and get up on that stage and grab that pole like you mean it, darling…”

I do as instructed (the last thing I want to do is be accused of having a hissy fit in a room full of drag queens—I have to save SOME of my dignity, right?)

Sutan grunts behind me when I reach out and take hold of the brass pole in front of me in my right hand, standing slightly to the left of it. “It’s not a smelly old fish, Vayvee! Think of Jake and grab it like you mean it!” I shift my grip and try to ignore the comments and laughter of the queens who have filtered out from the back of the venue to watch my dance lesson. No pressure, right?

“Now Vayvee, close your eyes.” I do as instructed and instantly I feel Sutan’s breath on the back of my neck. “Listen to me babes. Keep your eyes closed and picture yourself entering your bedroom naked. Jake is on the bed just as naked, lying on his back, his hard cock reaching upwards towards the ceiling.” I hear Sutan’s voice dip an octave as I hear him softly chuckle “Damn…is it hot in here, or is it just me?” When I chuckle in return I get a light slap on my ass as he censures “Behave, Boo! Concentrate!”

What a challenge! I try to keep my face composed and my cock from hardening when hear the rest of the picture that he is painting in my brain…

“You slowly approach the bed and climb on top of your man, reaching down to gently grab his cock. You look deep into Jake’s eyes as you slowly sink down on that beautiful cock in your hand until you are sitting on him, ever inch inside that sexy body of yours. Then you arch your back and begin to pump up and down to the beat.” I hear Sutan slightly turn and call out over his shoulder “Ok, Jeanie…hit it!”

My mouth opens as I hiss out a moan when Britney’s “Gimme More” hits the speakers. Adam and I have danced to this many times on the dance floor…well, HE’S danced well to it and I’ve just kinda faked it. But not today, obviously. Over the pounding beat Sutan hisses in my ear “Pump it up and down to the beat, darling! Keep your eyes closed, fuck that man in your fantasy! Keep the beat!”

My hips pump up and down without conscious thought, my body rocking back and forth. I arch my back as, in my fantasy, I try to hit my prostate with each pump on Jake’s cock. Without thinking I reach out with my left hand, tweaking my nipples as my head falls back and my mouth opens as I continue to moan like a whore. I’ve forgotten that I’m being watched by a room full of people, that Sutan is a mere foot away. My hips begin to rock side to side as I pump up and down, my hand now sliding over my chest and neck as I begin to get rock hard in my tight jeans.

The song ends and my eyes glide open, my cheeks heating when I notice that the crowd was much closer, their collective gaze intent on me as I turn to Sutan with a shy look. “Did…I do ok?” 

“Ok?” Sutan gives out an amused chuckle as he gestures to the room before pointing to his jeans. “Everyone in the pageant tonight now has to jerk off before tucking, babes! That was fucking AMAZING!!! You are gonna shock everyone when they see you shake that ass, babes! Now…” turning back to the DJ he calls out “Another hon! We have to finish making this sexy bitch into an unstoppable stage diva!”

 

 

Jake’s POV—chillin’ with Kell 

Kell shows up at my house the night before the first LA show just to chill and talk out last minute issues. After an hour or so Kell kicks my foot that is resting on my coffee table, commenting “I’m starving! I know you don’t have any food here, so why don’t we go out to dinner and then to a club for a while? Get our vibe before we have to be the ones out there shaking our asses tomorrow night! What do you say, Jake? My treat?”

I laugh as he kicks my foot again and then gives me that pout that always works on the women he dates. “Oh, alright! I’ll just go feed Jasper and then get in the shower. I won’t be long.” But as I start to stand up Kell grabs my arm to stop me. “Where should we go tho, bro? We always go to the same places! Got your laptop handy?” I reach to the table next to the couch and open it, the two of spending the next couple of minutes debating clubs and restaurants until we finally chose for the evening. Then I head off to feed my cat and then get ready for the evening…

…and I’m not aware of what happens in the living room while I’m gone…

Kell answers Skype when it rings shortly after I step into the shower.

“Adam! Dude, how are you?”

“I’m fine, Kellan. Where’s Jake?”

“Oh…” Kell gives Adam his best smirk as he answers “…he’s in the shower.” Adam pauses before growling out “Oh, is he?”

“Yeah. He’s getting ready for tonight.” The smirk stays in place as Kell continues. “We’re having dinner before hitting the clubs.”

Adam continues to growl as he comments “Well, nothing better happen to him, Kellan.” For some reason Adam’s threat annoys the hell out of Kell so he shoots back “How would you know if it did, Adam? And would you REALLY care? If you did, you’d be with him right now. Think about that, dude.” With a huff Kell slams my laptop shut and then reaches for my cell phone, shutting it down before Adam or anyone else can ring.

I enter the room a short time later, totally unaware of what has happened while I was gone. I pick up my phone and slide it in my pocket without looking at it, asking “You ready?” Kell smirks at me and says “Yeah, let’s go!”

We have an amazing steak dinner and then hit the club. I end up drinking much more than I intend, Kell buying round after round as the night goes on. I didn’t even think to check my cell as the night wears on. Around 1am Kell wraps his arm around me and holds up his cell, yelling over the music “Smile, Jake!” As he presses the button on his phone he leans in and plants a huge kiss on my cheek. His eyes are bright and happy as he yells back over his shoulder to the barmaid, asking for another round as he starts to send the photo out on his twitter, Vine, Facebook…all the time making sure to tag me in them too.

The next morning Sophie’s phone rings at 7am.

“DID YOU SEE…”

Sophie cuts Adam off with a brisk “Yes dear, I saw all the drunken photos from last night. It seems that Tommy isn’t the only one who has drunken kissing photos on the internet. I’m packing to head out to LA right now…”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> First off, I just wanted to say that this chapter was never proofread so if you find any mistakes I'm sorry. I also apologize for making Jake a whiny bitch but somebody needs to be one, so why not him, hummm? If you are wondering where everyone else is (A/T, Brad, ect) never fear, they will be turning up before you know it. I just had to choose someone to 'tell' the background of this tale so I chose Jake, it's easier that way. I promise things will become much more 'complicated' before you know it!
> 
> Also: I mention the "Gibbs slap" at the end of this chapter--for those who have no idea what I am talking about, check this out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRM2OENl2jk
> 
> Hugs!  
> xo

THE MORNING OF THE FIRST SHOW—Jake

 

Tommy walks out onto the stage in sleep pants and a sleeveless Manson shirt, his feet bare. Clutching a tie-dyed teddy bear in his arms he looks like a little kid on his first day at summer camp instead of a grown man on stage at a strip show. The audience shows their approval with shouts of affection and bouts of clapping—but me? I want to run out on that stage, grab my man up in my arms and wrap him up in bubble wrap so that no one else has a chance to see that perfect body but me. Well…me and Adam…

Consciousness returns in the form of a blaring alarm clock. I blink a few times before slowly shifting my head on the pillow. 5 am. So it was just a dream after all…

I shuffle to the bathroom with a huge grin on my face, the dream still with me. I clearly remember that first day on stage, it’s one of my favorite memories of Tommy. “Hell…” I think to myself as I throw cold water on my face to chase away the remaining cobwebs in my brain “…almost every second of my first eight months with TJ are my favorite memories…”

I throw on some torn sweats and a tee before heading out to the gym about two blocks away. I see paps taking my picture as I approach the side door of the private gym, the one I always use when I’m in town. I take a deep breath and plaster on my best smile—today is after all the first show of the tour and I want all the positive press I can get right now. 

A female reporter for TMZ squeezes my bicep and I camp it up, flexing my muscles under her hand as she giggles out “Jake, is the Channing Tatum rumor true?” When I raise my eyebrow at her she continues (as well as continues to run her fingertips up and down my bicep, which tickles like crazy) “I heard that he’s willing to join the tour if you are willing to dance his “Pony” routine with him on stage. Waddaya say, Jake? Are you willing to do it?” 

I have been dealing with the paps long enough to know that if you show even the least bit of surprise or anger when they interview you they will jump all over you like barracuda on a minnow. The lady next to me isn’t the only one watching me intently; there are five guys standing behind her and one more behind me. I school my face into a friendly grin as I respond “Well, he’s more than welcome to join us, and as far as dancing that routine with him? He’s on.” I pause for effect before continuing with “As long as he’s able to keep up with me, that is.” I smile as I thank them for their time and make my way into the gym, explaining that I need to get in some exercise time before I have to start preparing for the show.

As soon as I stretch out and start running on the treadmill my mind returns to my dream. Lately I have been focusing on the early days of our relationship; I miss my men more and more lately—the day I met both my husbands on Adam’s tour bus, Tommy all ruffled from sleep. My first date with Tommy, our first dance to ‘Wild Ones’ that turned into a battle for supremacy between Adam and me, with Tommy as the prize. The three of us were so full of life and desire then, I would have done anything to get those men in my life and in my bed.

As I speed up the treadmill my cell phone rings. I’m one of those weird runners who finds music more of a distraction than a help so I reach down and huff out a husky “Talk to me…” as I slow down my pace just enough to be able to talk without gasping for air.

“Whoa, dude! If I interrupted you watching a porno or something…” Frank answers, his laugh making me smile. “No, Frankie! I’m…running on the treadmill at the club…” More laughter follows before he sarcastically says “Sure dude, whatever gets you through…” and then I hear him yell “Hey, that’s mine!” and seconds later Jamia’s sweet voice calls out “Jake? Are you still there?”

“Yeah hon, I’m just running. It would take more than your husband’s smart-assed mouth to make me hang up.”

“Yeah, right? I mean, if that was the case…” I hear Frank mumble something before yelping “…no one would ever talk to him, including me!” I chuckle as she says in a much more serious tone “We just wanted to let you know that we have just arrived in LA. As a matter of fact, the bus just stopped moving for the first time in about 4 hours, so I think it’s safe to say that we are at the warehouse behind the club. I’ve been so busy packing up the kid’s toys that I haven’t even looked out the window yet to find out.” 

I slow down the treadmill and then jump off of it, heading to the locker room as I reply “Good! Just give me 20 or so and I will be there to pick all of you up. See you soon.” I run to the showers, breaking my own personal record because I’m sure the kids are hungry. I have no idea how correct I actually am until I am confronted by Lily, Cherry and Miles all screaming at me that they are STARVING before I even have a chance to shake Frank’s hand or give Jamia a hug. Linda Iero gives me a huge bear hug, thanking me for the trip and the opportunity to have some time with her family. We head out to a small family style restaurant after dropping off their suitcases at the hotel.

In the middle of breakfast my cell rings again, but this time I answer it without looking at the screen.

Big mistake.

“Jacob?” I instantly know who is on the other end when I hear that name. “Young man, do you mind telling me what is going on between you and our sons?”

OUR? I pull back from the phone and stare at it as if it were a snake. OUR can only mean that I’ve just walked into a conference call with my mothers-in-law…what an idiot I am!

“Moms, wait” I try to choke out before the slaughter begins. Jamia chuckles at me from across the table—obviously she has instantly caught on to my panic and is enjoying watching me squirm. “I’m not the only one to blame here…”

“That may be true, but did you need to retaliate with all those pictures with that friend of yours—Kevin...Cartman…whatever his name is…”

“Kellan! And what pictures?” Frank hands me his cell; obviously he knew what they called about from the second I answered the phone. I look down and notice that I’m staring at Kellan’s Vine. As I flip through pages and pages of pics of Kell kissing me and snuggling me in a way that most likely would be considered illegal in some countries I realize that I need to rearrange my friend’s face after the tour is over…

“HE took those pictures, I didn’t ask for him to!” I choke out. “We were just having an evening out before the tour started and…”

“...you got SO drunk that your friend decided to be an ass and take pictures of you being an idiot and then plaster them all over the internet, right?” I vaguely hear Cherry sing-song “Uncle Jake’s in trouble” as Dia continues to effectively put me in my place. “So what makes you any different than Tommy in that situation?” Before I can answer Leila cuts in, her voice calm and reserved. “Tommy went a bit further, Jake…we all know that. He was the one doing the kissing in that situation, but WHY was he doing it? Because he missed you, that’s why. Being on the road…”

I startle everyone at the table as I abruptly stand, almost tipping my chair backwards before storming outside to continue the conversation in private. 

“Moms, I respect and love both of you more than I can ever tell you but you have no idea what I’ve been through in the last year or so.”

“Of course we don’t Jake because you never tell us anything that you are afraid will upset us, you always have been that way since we first met you. And while that is adorable and noble of you, you need to remember that we raised your husbands, we know what they are capable of!” I blurt out “Fine, you want to know what is bothering me? I’ll tell you.” I start to pace the parking lot of the restaurant, my food forgotten.

“I’m tired of being the diva in all of this. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one who gives a shit about this marriage anymore. I want to spend time with my husbands without their worrying about making a beer run before the store closes or if they’ve made enough tweets for the day or if enough miles have been run on the treadmill to keep the weight off. I want to wake up in the morning with the two of them for more than 3 days in a row, and I want children…I want a real home with kids and school busses and sports and homework. More than one child, as many as we decide we can handle. I want to put Hollywood on the back burner and focus on raising a family with the men I love. Is that so damn much to ask?”

I must have scored some points because neither of my mothers-in-law seem to be capable of speech at the moment. I suddenly feel as exhausted as if I had run a marathon so I rub a hand over my eyes as I softly say “Listen, moms. I was in the middle of breakfast with Frank Iero and his family when you called. I’m sorry to say goodbye but I have to go. I promise to call you both soon so we can finish this conversation. I love you both.” I turn off my phone and take a deep breath before heading back to rejoin Frank and his family.

When I sit down in front of my cold eggs I feel Linda’s hand pat the back of my arm as she whispers “Are you ok, Jake? You looked so sad out there.” I nod my head, plastering on a smile as I reply “Yeah Linda, I’m fine thank you. I’m sorry that call interrupted our meal. Now…” I turn towards the twins “Why don’t you girls tell me all about making a video with your daddy…” 

The rest of the day flies by without my really noticing. Steve and I arrive at the theatre and we meet up with Mark, who introduces us to this year’s Chippendale’s troupe. I take my turn working out on the pole before being interviewed by People Magazine as well as two local radio stations. Ryan Seacrest calls me last minute to ask if he can dance in the show. I practically swallow my tongue but, remembering what kind of exposure he can give the tour, I agree with much more enthusiasm than I feel at the moment. Before I know it the Chippendales have started their show and I’m doing my host job exactly the same way that I did the first tour. Before I know it the professional dancers are finished and I am standing behind the curtain bouncing on my toes, my whole body humming as I ready myself to take the stage. I have to admit that I’ve missed this…

I do not expect the “Gibbs-like” slap to the back of my head that I receive seconds before the lights go down. When I turn my head to see just who in the fuck hit me I am greeted by a voice that I did not expect that takes me completely off my game...

“Just what in the actual fuck have you done this time, Jake? When I get my hands on that bastard Kellan I’m gonna bash both of your empty heads together!” Sophie glares at me while I stare blankly at her, shocked that she came all this way to yell at me. “How am I ever going to be a surrogate mother to your baby if the three of you cannot get your shit together long enough to prove you can raise a baby without killing each other or breaking up every five minutes?”


	11. Chapter 11

Thank God for muscle memory! Sophie’s words have turned my brains to mush and I can’t seem to remember my own routine. Without thinking I step through the curtain the second my music starts, smiling and nodding as I make my way to the center of the stage, an inner panic slowly rising within me as I try to make eye contact with the crowd. I could kill Soph for her timing!!!! Thank goodness that I’m only dancing on stage for one set tonight. I decided earlier in the evening to forego my usual circuit through the crowd, since Steve has to leave early, leaving me in charge of things for the night.

The moment my set is over I return to the backstage area stark naked—only to find my clothes missing. Someone had removed my dance outfit from the side of the stage, leaving only a small tea towel to cover either the front (or the back) of me—my choice, I guess. I turn to find Steve laughing at the left side of the stage. As I approach he throws his hands up in a defensive gesture, his expression nervous even as he laughs (Steve has seen my temper on a number of occasions). “It was Sophie! She took your clothes and ran towards your dressing room, saying “If he wants them, he’ll come get them”…sorry, dude…” I huff and growl as I adjust the small tea towel over my junk and stomp my way back to my dressing room.

I find Sophie sitting in a chair at the far side of my dressing room, her feet up on a side table, completely relaxed. As I approach she shakes a finger in the air. “Nah uh, Jake! You are gonna sit down and listen to every word I say, if you have any hope of walking out of here without your junk swinging in the wind! If that’s the only way I can get you to listen to me…” I growl out “Not funny, Miss S! I have a show to run…” Sophie meets my glare, a sparkle in her eyes. “I talked to Steve. Since he has to leave early he will cover the first part of the show so we can talk. Now hush up and listen for once…” I sigh as I sit down on a folding chair, adjusting the tea towel so I have a little bit of dignity as Sophie leans forward, her hands clenched together. Neither of us are aware that Kellan is standing just outside of my dressing room door, leaning against the wall and listening intently to our conversation.

“We have known each other for a long time, Jake. I think you would agree that we are closer than brother and sister.” I nod once in response. Rhetorical question—the little minx knows how much I love her and just how much she means to me. I eye her critically as she throws her hands up in the air and huffs out “Then why in the fucking wide world would you be shocked at my suggesting that I make a baby for the three of you?” 

Kellan’s shocked gasp is covered up by my snort of frustration as I bolt upright, tea towel be damned. As I storm around the room with my junk swaying in the breeze the thought somehow forms in the back of my mind that I can take some small solace in the knowledge that this isn’t the first time that Sophie’s seen me naked…but still…

“In the first place…” I change my mind; reaching down to pick up the damn towel again, holding it in front of me as I continue to pace “…I haven’t gone as far as to think out the details of the whole thing yet Sophie! I mean…” I feel myself blushing “…you know that you are the only woman I’ve ever been with in my entire life…”

Damn it, Soph doesn’t even blush as she continues “…in other words, you are not sure if you would be willing to ‘do the deed’ or to donate, right?” Sophie shrugs as only she can, with a whole lot of attitude behind the simple gesture. “I’d go along with whatever option you choose, Jake…even though one option will be more fun than the other...” I blush from head to toe as she laughs at my modesty. “And I wouldn’t even care if your husbands wanted to be there with us for the ‘event’…but I know that you will have to discuss the whole thing with Adam and Tommy…”

“…who I’m not even sure that I want to stay married to right now, much less start a happy home and raise a family with.” 

“Well…” Sophie shrugs again as she stands and makes her way towards me, blocking my way so I stop in my tracks in front of her. “…if you decide that you want to make a go of parenthood all on your own, then you and I will sit down and talk out details. Honey…” she places her hand on my chin, squeezing gently. “…you are gonna make one hell of a father when you are ready. I just wanted you to know that, when you ARE ready…” Sophie presses her nose to mine, tip to tip. “…so am I. That is, if you choose me.” 

I feel myself start to choke up. I hear my own voice deepen with emotion as I ask “But what about the baby? Will you be Aunt Sophie or…”

“Yeah, I mean…” Sophie’s eyes darken for just a split second. “…another detail to talk out in the future. Honey, I just wanted you to know that I am willing to help you make your dreams come true. I love you and I want to see you happy.” 

Kellan storms to his dressing room, his face dark with rage.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that its taken a LONG time to post this and I'm sorry it's so short. The next one will be longer, promise. Hope you like it!  
> xo

“Where in the fuck IS this theatre? We’ve been holed up in this fucking limo forever!” Tommy thinks to himself as he and Adam watch the traffic in the next lane crawl past them. “Oh yeah…LA, the land of fuckin’ creeping traffic! Fuck my life!” 

Tommy watches as Adam’s face tightens, hears him softly mutter “Motherfucker!” under his breath in frustration. Tommy cannot help but think that their plans for this evening have already started out on a bad note, no matter how many times today he has prayed for a better outcome. 

Jake has no idea that they are dancing in his show tonight, much less that they are in town three days earlier than expected. Tommy arranged everything in advance with Sophie and Adam had arrived in LA this morning to spend three hours ‘getting beautiful’ with Tommy—which in Adam-speak actually means a spa day. 

Now, you need to understand—Tommy never objects to being pampered. Hell, between Sutan and Adam there has been no end to the amount of pampered attention that he has enjoyed. But this morning he felt an underlying tension that refused to go away, even as the lovely ladies and gentlemen at their favorite spa turned him into Dorothy Gale from the Land of Oz for the morning. And now, after a mani-pedi, haircut/style and a hot stone massage Tommy is sitting next to one of the most beautiful men in the world on his way to his other hot/sexy husband, and he should feel nothing but excitement and happiness. Instead…all he wants to do is throw up in his lap. Way to start a reunion!

Both men let out a hiss of tension as their lane of traffic begins to slowly move again. Adam reaches for Tommy’s hand as he attempts to smile. “It’s gonna be ok, TJ.”

“Yeah…right.”

“Hey, c’mon! We’re talkin’ about Jake here. Our husband, remember?” Tommy glances back at Adam, his hand beginning to shake slightly in Adam’s grasp. “And what if Jake doesn’t want us there tonight, or ever? The last time I spoke to him he was so cold, Adam. So different.” Tommy turns his head to look once again at the crawling traffic all around them, his voice sad as he continues. “I’m not sure I can handle it if he doesn’t want us anymore.”

 

 

Forty nerve-wracking minutes later finds Sophie screaming at them as they exit the limo at the back door of the Lido Club. “Where in the HELL have you two been?! The show’s already started!” Sophie half hugs/half pushes Adam and Tommy through the backstage entrance, her voice straining higher and higher as she continues to frantically manhandle them down the hall towards the dressing rooms. “The first three dancers have already danced and Jake added three last minute entries right before curtain call. Looks like the two of you are gonna have to ditch your plans and just watch the show tonight. But cheer up!” Sophie glances over her shoulder, her expression struggling to remain cheerful even as she watches the disappointment and anxiety that cross Adam and Tommy’s faces. “…You get to watch the show from the balcony or from backstage, and then we are all going to the Hungry Vamp nightclub after the show. I’m sure there will be plenty of time to spend with Jake after the show is over.” 

Tommy blinks back a tear as he struggles to dodge his way through nearly naked Chippendale dancers who are congregating in the hallway outside their dressing rooms. Suddenly a door on his right bursts open to reveal the one man that he was hoping to avoid tonight—Kellan.

Tommy grunts as he is grabbed and then violently slammed into the wall, Kellan leaning all his weight into Tommy as he growls “What in fuck are YOU doing here?!?” Tommy stares deep into Kell’s eyes, seeing anger and insecurity. A strong whiff of beer reaches Tommy’s nostrils. How long had he been drinking to smell so strongly?

Adam and two of the Chippendales rush Kell, yanking him back but not before Kell manages to take a swing at Tommy, one that connects solidly with the side of his jaw. With a grunt Tommy lunges forward, slamming his fist into Kell’s midsection with all the power he can muster before two other dancers push him back against the wall. 

“What the fuck is happening here?”

Everyone in the hallway turns towards Jake, who is holding a damp towel in his hand and wearing only a pair of shorts. His five healed bullet wounds—one in his neck and the other four in various spots on his chest—shine in the hallway lights. 

Kell tries even harder than before to shake off everyone holding him back, his voice shaking as he calls out “Dude, you don’t understand…” Jake slices one hand through the air and barks out “And I don’t want to! Just…” Jake glares first at Adam, then Kell…and then locks eyes with Tommy. “…TRY and act like adults just ONCE in your lives, ok? I have at least 10 newspaper reporters and 14 television station interviewers here backstage tonight and the three of you pick THIS night to make asses outta yourselves?” Jake flings the towel over his shoulder and turns on his heel, calling over his shoulder as he storms off “Either cut your shit or get the fuck outta here! I’ve got enough to deal with already…”

So much for a happy reunion…


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since I last posted--moving really messed with me this time around. But I have made myself a vow to finish this story, and I will try to update much more regularly in the future. 
> 
> Hope you all have a nice holiday season!  
> xo

Jake—right after the “scuffle” between Adam, Tommy and Kellan

Jake’s mind was swimming as he walked away from his husbands, purposely ignoring Sophie’s furious glare as it burned its way into his back. At the end of the hall he notices that two groups of reporters and camera men have gathered, one of them including four cable news reporters and a lady reporter from TMZ. Sending up a silent prayer that the commotion he just witnessed has been missed entirely by the reporters, Jake plasters a huge grin on his face as he strolls up to them. The lady reporter smiles back, her hand reaching out to touch Jake’s bicep as she and two others step forward and call out their greetings. Jake allows her to touch, of course, but as she giggles, her face beginning to show a slight blush, she asks in a devious voice “Hello Jake! I hear that your husbands have joined you this evening. Are they going to dance in the show?” 

Steve holds back the second group of the reporters waiting to speak to Jake, allowing Jake’s attention to focus only on the small group in front of him. Jake feels the lady reporter become bolder, her hands reaching to tangle with his until Jake feels another set of hands land lightly, first on his hands then his arms. These fingers effectively “bump” into the reporter’s, “accidently” pushing hers away. “Hi there!” Jake tries not to tense up as Adam leans over his shoulder and plants a huge kiss on his cheek, Adam’s hands tightening their hold on his arms. Jake leans back into the embrace, whispering “Hi honey! Missed you!” just loud enough for the woman to hear. He hopes that, to the scrutiny of the world, they look like just another happy couple.

“Missed you too, babes” Adam answers, his tone warm and full of love. Jake returns his gaze towards the reporter, immediately noticing that she is still gazing at him with a lustful look while the other reporters in the group are now firing questions at them. “Are you dancing in the show tonight, Adam? Is Tommy Joe here, too? Where is he? How many shows are you going to dance with Jake? What about your marriage? Will dancing in the show hurt your marriage, with so many men and women ogling over each of you every night? What about the divorce rumors, are they real?”

Jake is suddenly thankful for Adam’s uncanny ability to easily handle paparazzi and overly-curious fans. His practiced grace shows through as he raises both hands in the air in an “I surrender” stance and turns towards the cameras, his tone jovial as he replies “Whoa, easy there fellas! I can tell you that the rumors of our impending divorce…” Adam glances at Jake as he finishes “…are just that, rumors. Sure, being in the spotlight adds stress to any relationship but Jake, Tommy Joe and I are deeply in love and happy to help Angel’s Cause in any way we can. Tommy Joe and I will be dancing in the show tomorrow night, and then touring with Jake for the next eight weeks, so make sure you buy your tickets and support Angel’s Cause!” Jake nods in agreement, a blinding smile on his face as he adds “Please help us raise money for children in need. Hope to see you there!” The reporters mumble their thanks as the cameras are shut off, the first group moving away from Jake and Adam to be replaced by a larger group of reporters. Once more, Adam takes the lead and Jake follows, joking and answering most questions put to them by the media, leaning into each other like a happy couple in love. Jake ends up with his chin on Adam’s shoulder, Jake reaching out to comb his fingers through Adam’s hair in an attempt to appear as if the two of them have never had a cross word during in their entire three years of marriage.

When the last camera is shut off and the final question asked Jake turns to Adam, his expression distant as he whispers “Thank you Adam, I appreciate all your help. You know I suck at this!” Adam’s sudden chuckle causes Jake to blush as he continues “I couldn’t have handled them as easily as you did.” An awkward silent takes over for a heartbeat before Jake stutters “Well I…the show…” Jake turns on his heel to leave but Adam reaches out, gently tangling his fingers in Jake’s long hair and stepping forward, using his hips to firmly press Jake’s backside into the closest wall. “Now sweetie, is that the way you thank your husband, by using ONLY your words? What ever happened to SHOWING your appreciation?” 

 

Tommy feels like a fucking fool standing in the middle of an empty hall in the back of the theater. Most of the Chippendales have left for their hotel rooms, leaving only the Angel Cause dancers and staff behind. He has no idea where Adam has wandered off to, the show is in full swing and he feels odd about hanging out in the wings by himself. Tommy starts to wander the halls, mumbling to himself out loud “Where the fuck is Sophie? Where the fuck is everyone?” Frustration fuels his steps causing Tommy to lose focus and skid to a halt as he turns the next corner, barely missing slamming headlong into Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins. Both men are shirtless and sweaty, proving that they had already taken their turn on stage.

“Whoa dude! Where are you going in such a hurry?” Before Tommy can answer Misha cocks his head to the side, asking “Wait, aren’t you Tommy Ratliff? Jake’s husband?”

“Ummm yeah I am. And you are…oh shit! You…” Tommy’s surprised gaze takes in first Misha and then Jensen, his face flushing a dark red as he struggles to complete his sentence.

Misha turns towards Jensen, an innocent but bemused look on his face. “What the hell is up with our meeting Jake’s friends and family?” Jensen smirks as he replies “Hell if I know! We seem to make then all speechless! Must be our amazing good looks!” Misha laughs for a moment before saying to Tommy “Yeah, I’m Misha and this is Jensen. Are you looking for Sophie?” Tommy nods, his eyes wide. Jensen gives Tommy a sly smile as if he holds the secrets of the universe in the palm of his hand. “She said something about an errand at the airport.” Tommy’s face falls, his disappointment clearly showing through. Jensen feels for the guy, so clearly alone in a building full of strangers. Without thinking Jensen blurts out “So where’s Jake and Adam?” 

Tommy is suddenly glad that he chose to wear his creepers this evening. Even so, he still has to bend his neck back a bit to look up into Jensen’s face, but that’s no surprise—on the best of days Tommy feels like a Lilliputian in a land of giants. “I’m not sure. The last I saw Jake he was heading over to speak to a group of reporters.” Misha throws his arm across Tommy’s shoulders in a move that reminds Tommy of a drunk hanging on his friends in a bar. “We’ve already danced…” Jensen cuts in as the two manage to drag Tommy to an empty lounge at the end of the hall “…Misha means that I danced, he flopped around on stage like a fish out of water!” Misha gives Jensen an indignant look as Jensen continues to cut Misha off, quipping “…yeah, THAT’s why Misha smells so horrible! Hold your nose, Tommy!” Misha leans down in with a conspiring look towards Tommy “…SO we have plenty of time to hear all about the latest news of your relationship while we share a drink or two. C’mon, to the lounge…”

 

Jake pauses for a moment, his eyes landing on the floor, the ceiling…anywhere but Adam’s face. Strands of Jake’s silky long hair begin to slide through Adam’s fingers as Jake begins to slowly pull away from him, forcing Adam to shadow Jake’s movements, refusing to give Jake an opportunity to escape. “Finally!” Adam thinks to himself. “A chance to have a moment alone with the man I love and missed for so fucking long. He’s so fucking mad…maybe I can change that…”

While Adam looks at this moment as an opportunity to make a connection with Jake, to gage his reaction and his anger as well as show him how much Adam truly loves his husband, Jake's reaction ends up being exactly what Adam fears it would be. Jake refuses to be baited into a confrontation of any kind. He continues to try and wiggle his way out of Adam’s grasp, even as he manages to keep his hands passively at his sides. Knowing Adam the way he does, he knows that it will only rile Adam’s dominate nature more if Jake tries to violently push Adam away, so he keeps his movements small and non-aggressive, all the while staring at the center of Adam’s chest and struggling to show absolutely no emotion. Breathing becomes impossible, Jake’s heart close to pounding out of his chest. Months and months of longing, of lonely nights cuddled around cold body pillows pretending behind closed eyes that he was holding Adam or Tommy Joe in his arms could be swept from his memory, if he only could let go and trust his husband again. If he could only…but there is too much anger, too much distrust for Jake to just give in. Part of Jake wants to reach out, hold Adam in his arms and kiss him breathless—the rest of him would rather kick Adam straight in his nut sack.

“Babes, I’ve…waited so long to kiss you. Please…stay here with me…” Jake holds his breath as Adam leans down and tilts his head, his eyes darkening as Adam’s lips move closer…closer…

Both men jump, Jake’s nose colliding with Adam’s cheek as a door next to them squeals open on rusty hinges. DJ James pokes his head around the door, yelling “Jake…JAKE? Where in the hell…” Jake gasps in a ragged breath, his limbs beginning to shake as reality hits him once again…it’s his show, his responsibility. He needs to man up, put his needs behind him and take care of business. 

His eyes finally meet Adam’s, absorbing every flicker of emotion that crosses his handsome face as Jake calls out in a shaky voice “Yeah, James?”  
After a quick glance in Jake’s direction James says, his face turning red. “That bitch from GMA is here to interview you, and the mayor just finished his set. He wants to talk to you before he leaves for the night. Oh, and Randy…”

“Yeah, yeah…ok James.” Jake watches Adam’s jaw tighten, watches his nostrils flare in anger. Jake wants to forget his own anger and reach out, take Adam’s face in his hands and kiss his husband. But as they say, the show must go on…”I’ll be right there. Please ask the mayor to wait a moment for me.” James nods and ducks back through the door, slamming it behind him, leaving the husbands alone once again. 

Jake slowly raises both hands, placing his palms against the center of Adam’s chest, pushing lightly. “I have to go, Adam.” He pushes once again on Adam’s chest as Adam tries to grab his wrists, “Jake, wait a minute!” Adam pushes Jake back against the wall, focusing intently on Jake’s face. Without another thought Adam leans forward, capturing that tongue and sweet lips in one motion, Adam tasting lip gloss, wine and…desperation? 

Jake’s breath catches as he feels Adam assert himself in a kiss that curls his toes. His mind feels like it’s melting, everything starting once again to fade into the background. It feels like he’s been waiting forever to feel Adam’s lips on his, to be held in his strong arms. Adam knows how to pull Jake’s strings, to push his buttons to his advantage. It almost works…until…behind Jake’s closed eyes an image begins to appear—Adam kissing another man, on his knees taking a stranger’s cock in his mouth, Adam fucking a faceless man. 

Rage instantly fills every inch of Jake’s body. He surprises Adam, putting his considerable weight into shoving Adam back about two feet. Before Adam can react Jake spins in his feet, dodging a grasping hand as Adam chokes out “Wait Jake! Please…”

Jake gives Adam another push and then turns, yanking open the door that James recently appeared within. With a sigh of regret Jake gives Adam a grim expression, his gaze refusing to meet Adam’s. “Maybe you can forget your mistakes or forgive yourself easily, Adam…but I can’t. I have a show to run.” Jake rushes through the door, slamming it on Adam’s weak attempt at begging Jake to stay. Jake rushes down the corridor toward the rear of the stage, wondering if he and his husbands will ever have a real chance at fixing their marriage…

 

“…and then he grunted and he hit the ground with his face!” Tommy nearly chokes on his shot of tequila as Jensen finishes telling his version of how he met Jake. The three of them are sitting on an old lumpy couch, Tommy in the middle. “Crazy motherfucker finished the next scene with real blood running down his face instead of the stage crap that they wanted to paint him in. The assistant producer took him to the hospital where Jake ended up with 37 stitches!” Tommy grunts in response, replying with fondness in this voice “Yeah, sounds like my Jake. He never acknowledges when he’s hurt, brushes it off as if it never happens. I’ve never met a tougher man in my life.” Misha elbows Tommy in the side before reaching past him for the whiskey bottle, pouring each of them another shot as he comments “Jake should fight for the MMA, show those wimps how a real man bleeds.”

Footsteps echo in the hallway before Tommy hears a male voice comment “So…THIS is how we find you, getting drunk instead of trying to apologize to your husband for being an asshole, huh? Figures!”

Tommy looks up to find Sophie standing in the doorway of the lounge, her hands on her hips and her face a mask of indignation. Standing in front of her is someone that Tommy hasn’t spoken to for a long time, the thought instantly sobering him up, guilt flooding through him.

Jensen shifts forward, his body language showing his willingness to throw himself between Tommy and the stranger. Tommy raises a hand and places it gently on Jensen’s arm, whispering “Easy, Jensen…he’s a friend.”

“Are you sure about that, TJ? I’ve been trying to call you and Adam for months! How many unanswered phone calls does it take before you are no longer a friend, huh? Have we hit that point yet? I know Adam has…he means all but shit to me now.”

“C’mon, Brad! We…”

“Where’s Jake?” Brad asks Misha, acting as if Tommy were no longer in the room. “I have to speak to him immediately. Angel’s Cause is in real trouble.”


	14. Chapter 14

Much to Tommy and Adam’s chagrin Jake spends the rest of the night in the company of Brad and Sophie, holed up in Jake’s hotel suite. Frankie Iero and his wife Jamia take everyone else to a local nightclub to party it up, but neither Tommy nor Adam feel much like a night out without their husband so after a private conversation they decide to head home.

On his way out the door Tommy tries one last time to talk to Jake, reaching out to grab Jake’s sleeve in an attempt to get his attention. Tommy is surprised when Brad effectively brushes away Tommy’s hand, moving quickly forward to put his body between the husbands and hip checking TJ with surprising strength. Sophie ends up putting both her hands in the middle of Jake’s back and pushing him out the door, her expression showing her exasperation with the entire situation. 

 

Jake’s POV…

Half an hour later I’m pacing my hotel suite, Sophie is frantically thumbing through the internet connection on her phone and Brad’s eyes are following my every movement from a recliner in the corner of the room, a scowl on his handsome face. It’s been at least six months since I last saw Brad but since my wedding we have made it a point to speak on the phone or Skype at least once a week, sometimes more. Funny…the closer I’ve become to Brad, the more estranged that his (and ironically my) relationships with Adam and Tommy Joe have become.

“What the fuck, Brad? The FBI told me that they disbanded Brothers and Sisters in Jesus! How in the hell can there be a protest by that group if they do not exist?”

Brad throws up his arms in frustration as he yells out “Same group different name, Jake! They are now known as God’s Army and they make the Westboro Church look like a group of Girl Scouts on their first camping trip! And guess who in all holy gay hell they decided to make their first mainstream example? Angel’s Cause!” Before I can even begin to form an answer Sophie looks up from her phone. “Jake…” As I slowly make my way towards her chair I notice that Sophie’s lips are set, her face paling. “…look at this…” 

A story on their website (GOD’S ARMY—STANDING UP FOR GOD’S VALUES IN A GODLESS WORLD) is timestamped three hours prior. I feel my stomach flip when I read “DEVIL’S CAUSE—JAKE ANDOLINI SHAMES GOD AND AMERICA ONCE AGAIN.” The story tells of my attempts to bring financial and emotional aid to “those godless teens and twenty-somethings who have wandered away from Jesus” and then, of course, talks about my “godless, sinful sham of a marriage to two well-known sinners.” I glance up and notice that Brad is on his phone and the angry look on his face tells me that he is reading the same bullshit. 

If someone were to ask me exactly how I feel at this moment in time I would have to say disgusted, sad, unbelievably lonely…all rolled together with sudden nausea, like the floor suddenly opened up and swallowed me whole. Now I know how Adam felt during his GlamNation tour. Why in the fuck can’t the world just leave me alone? Why do I have to continually justify my sexuality? And why should they attack Angel’s Cause, when all we are trying to do is make life better for those who have been unjustly attacked for who they are? 

A knock at the door makes all three of us jump. I’m still in shock from the bullshit that I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from so Sophie jumps up from her chair and heads to the door. I hear a hushed exchange, Sophie’s usually relaxed tone turning sharp and guarded before I hear “I’m coming in no matter what Sophie so you might as well get out of my way…” I watch Sophie set her most vicious glare towards the visitor standing in the hallway before turning to look back at me for help…for approval…something…anything…

“Excuse me? Just who in the fuck do you think you are, talking that way…?” Brad barks out as he rushes to stand behind Sophie, placing his hand on her shoulder in a silent show of support. I love Brad, I truly do but the last thing I would ever think to call him would be a bodyguard. He is just too sweet under that “I’m so gay it hurts” exterior of his, he’s not the tough “macho man” that he thinks he is when situations like this arise. When he gets like this, my usual first reaction is to ruffle his hair and give him a bear hug.

The standoff at the door continues for another thirty seconds or so while I attempt to process whose voice I just heard. As soon as it dawns on me who it is I call out “Please just ask him to go, I’m not…” I watch as Sophie and Brad turn towards each other, watch them make eye contact before orchestrating their efforts to shove the door shut in Kellan’s face. Even as they both strain to push the door closed I watch Kell easily push the door open with one hand and muscle his way past the two of them with ease. Damn that man and his constant desire to work out! (Yeah, like who am I to talk—I’m always at the gym myself!) Kell mumbles a soft “sorry” to Sophie but ignores Brad as he makes a bee-line straight towards me at the other end of the room.

Brad doesn’t give up though. With a glance towards Sophie that clearly says “Relax, I’ve got this…” Brad once again puts himself in Kell’s path, snarking out “You may be cute but you must be deaf, bitch! Jake said he doesn’t want to see you so you can…” Kell scowls and tries to maneuver around Brad but Brad mirrors his movements, not giving in. “…just turn your over-muscular ass around and head out the door before I call the cops!” Sophie moves forward, pushing her way between these two, trying her best to de-escalate things to no avail. Kell, never one to be outdone replies “Who you callin’ a bitch, honey?” Turning his full attention on Brad, looking him up and down as if seeing him for the first time Kell smirks “By the looks of you, you’re the one that spends all his time on his knees, HONEY…”

I am starting to not feel well…

“Guys PLEASE!” I whine, trying to stop a confrontation before it gets out of hand. Kell and Brad have two things in common—they NEVER back down from a fight and when all else fails they result to insulting their opponent to the point of exhaustion (usually the only ones exhausted are the poor souls that are forced to listen to their bullshit). Sophie shoots me a pleading look from across the room, showing she’s feeling my pain.

“WOW, did you think that one up ALL BY YOURSELF??” Brad reaches out a finger to send a sharp poke into Kell’s right set of abs, his face a mask of innocence that belies his rude words. “If I had to bet whether you had more brain cells or abs, I’d have to say that…”

“Brad! Jake asked you to…”

Everything suddenly feels as if it’s moving in slow motion. My hands start to shake until my phone drops near my feet and I feel my knees buckle, my body pitching sideways. My body feels as if it’s been encased in quicksand, my movements slow and uncoordinated. My feeble attempts to catch myself fail as the side of my head connects with the coffee table before I land on the floor in a heap. I hear Sophie cry out my name before Brad asks “When was the last time he ate?” 

“What the fuck? Check his head, not his eating habits, asshole…”

Brad’s next question is obviously directed at Sophie even as I can hear the strain in his voice which tells me that he is trying to stay calm and ignore Kell. “Did he have dinner tonight?” I hear Sophie softly answer “No, he said he’d get something after the show.” Brad swears under his breath as my vision start to blur. “Call 911!”

“911? But…”

I hear Sophie begin to speak to an emergency operator as a damp towel is placed between my face and the carpet. I begin to notice an oozing sensation which I distantly realize is blood dripping down the side of my face. 

“He was diagnosed with hypoglycemia on Monday! No eating plus the shock he just had, no wonder he’s…”

“What shock?”

“SHUT IT CAVEMAN! I’m trying to explain…” I open my mouth to stop their fighting, to protest that I don’t need an ambulance and that I’m fine but darkness swiftly takes over.

 

I hear the sounds of arguing before my eyes are even open. My grunt of frustration happens seconds before I hear shuffling to my right, then I feel a hand lightly landing on my arm. “I’m here, Jake.”

I crack my right eye open and see Sophie leaning over me, her face pale and tired. There is a bandage covering the upper left side of my face which seems to pull with every movement I make as well as an IV in my left arm. More voices are added to the argument in the hall way but before I can comment Sophie grumbles “Brad and Kell have been going at it non-stop…but Adam and Tommy just arrived…” I give out a moan of frustration as I hear my two husbands raise their voices to be heard.

“Ask all of them to come in here, please.”

“Jake, are you crazy? You feel like shit…”

I wince as I hear Tommy suddenly yell “C’MON, SHUT IT!” at the top of his lungs. “Yeah but other sick people need peace and quiet. Just…tell them to come here.” When I see that Sophie has no intention of moving I add a firm but slightly begging “Please?” to the end of my request.

Sophie grumbles but stands, storming out into the hall to break up the argument and drag all four men into the room. She ends up pushing Kell and Brad into the room last when they do not even pause to listen to her request.

As I watch Adam and Tommy enter my hospital room both of them smile at me as if nothing in the world could possibly be wrong. Adam takes my hand in his as he moves to stand on my left side near my shoulder, Tommy standing directly across from him. I hear Tommy whisper “Hey honey” and I nod slightly, taking his hand in response, my eyes locking on his for a moment before they move to the end of the bed where Sophie is standing between Brad and Kell. Holy shit! When will these two ever give up? But then I realize that—even though Kell is still trading barbs with Brad—he is glaring at the way my husbands are clinging to my hands. When at last Kell locks his gaze on mine I see frustration and anger brewing there.

“I’m sorry that…HEY, CAN IT WILL YA?” I glare towards the end of the bed, startling both Brad and Kell as my voice raises a few octaves. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for scaring you like I did.” I nod to Sophie, Brad and Kell as I continue. “Thanks to all three of you for taking care of me…” Brad rolls his eyes and mumbles “Two of us you mean! Caveman here just got in the way…” I ignore him, cutting off Kell’s response by lowering my voice and asking “Did Steve call? How’s the Cause holding up since that post?” 

Before anyone can answer a short brunette enters the room wearing scrubs and carrying a chart. I’m pretty sure that this hospital gets its fair share of movie and television stars but I have to chuckle to myself as I watch this lady’s reaction to seeing Adam, TJ, Kell and Brad in one small examination room. Her gaze lingers longest on Brad who actually blushes bright pink as he stutters out “Uhhh…hi Melody.”

With her eyes suddenly adverted the young doctor softly answers “Hello Bradley. Hope you are well. Hello, Adam. Good to see you again.” She continues to walk towards me as I hear Kell snort before mumbling in a sarcastic whisper “Brad—ley! How cute!” I see Sophie sink her elbow into Kell’s side seconds before I hear Kell give a hiss of pain.

“Mr. Andolini? My name is Dr. Melody Bell.” She shoots Kell a quick glare before continuing. “And yes, I’m Brad’s sister.” I mumble hello to her and then introduce everyone else while Melody looks down at the chart in her hand, flipping through a few pages before arriving at the one she needs. She nods at everyone before stating “I understand that you fell earlier this evening and were diagnosed with hypoglycemia on Monday, according to the young lady who accompanied you in the ambulance.” Dr. Bell flashes a quick smile at Sophie which Sophie returns with a nod. Both Adam and Tommy tighten their hold on my hands until I have the urge to yank my hands free, but instead I take a deep breath and answer “Yes, both are true.” What a great way to tell my husbands that I have a medical condition!

Dr. Bell levels me with the same serious look that Sophie gives me when she knows I’m fibbing about something. “And did your doctor tell you how important food is to someone in your situation? That regular meals are a huge part of staying healthy?” I lower my gaze as I respond like a chastised kid whose hand was caught in the cookie jar. “Yes, but…” Dr. Bell cuts me off with “No “buts” about it, Mr. Andolini! The only way to keep your body from escalating to the next phase is diet, exercise, eating regular healthy meals and checking your blood sugar regularly if directed by your physician.” Dr. Bell skirts around TJ to place the chart on a small table next to the bed before removing her stethoscope from the pocket of her scrubs. I watch her step back towards the bed as Adam quietly says “Let Melody through, TJ.” Tommy reluctantly looks away from me long enough to whisper over his shoulder to Dr. Bell “sorry” as he lets go of my hand and backs up against the wall. 

After taking my blood pressure and listening to my heart Dr. Bell comments “Everything sounds good. The meds that we gave you through your IV to regulate your blood sugar seem to have worked, according to this latest round of bloodwork results. Normally this is where I would say that you are good to go, as long as you behave and follow up with your doctor. But in your case…” There is a collective intake of breath as everyone waits for my verdict. “…I’m going to keep you here 24 hours for observation. That fall left you not only with 21 stitches but a nasty concussion.” When I open my mouth to protest Adam tightens his grip on my hand for a moment before asking “Melody, what happens if Jake continues to ignore his health as he has been lately?” “Then he becomes a prime candidate for Type 2 diabetes.” With a gaze that sweeps across everyone in the room as she picks up my chart and makes her way to the door Dr. Bell’s states in her most serious tone “I’m asking all of you to help Mr. Andolini keep on track until his new habits become a part of his lifestyle. Your support will help immensely. I’m going to go order a room. I’ll check in later.” Dr. Bell nods at Adam before giving Sophie another smile on her way out the door. As I fight to keep from throwing a baby temper tantrum complete with pouting and kicking the bed I hear Kell mumble “Charming sister you have there, BRADLEY! The only one of us she was even slightly nice to was Sophie.” Brad sputters, trying to find a snappy retort but Adam beats him to it. ”Something wrong, Kellan? Your ego can’t handle the fact that a lesbian prefers Sophie to you?” I watch Sophie blush as Kell throws Adam a pissed off look but he keeps his mouth shut when he notices the glare I throw in his direction before I close my eyes in frustration. What the hell am I going to do now?

 

Forty-five minutes later

“Why in the hell can’t you just let people help you without turning everything into a soap opera?” My answer to Brad’s question is to stare mutely at the puke green wall of my hospital room. I asked everyone to give me some time alone after Dr. Bell left but of course my “Jake Time” only lasted a half an hour before Brad wandered back in. His excuse was to inform me that the paps had been alerted to not only that vile post but the fact that I was taken to the hospital by ambulance…so of course everyone is now thinking (or making up) the worst scenarios possible.

“Jake? Are you even…” Without moving my head I answer “Yeah, I hear you Brad. You want to speak to the paps on my behalf. And as much as I appreciate the gesture I can’t let you do it.” Brad takes a deep breath and I can’t help but imagine the reaming out I’m going to get so I cut him off before he can utter a sound. “If you speak to them for me that will only appear as if I’m trying to hide something. If it was just me I wouldn’t worry one bit.” Brad takes my hand and gives it a squeeze so I turn my gaze to his as I continue my explanation. “I took on the responsibility of spokesman for Angel’s Cause, Brad. I need to handle this myself. But I do have a large favor to ask of you.”

“Sure thing, Jake. What is it?” 

I take a deep breath before asking “Are Adam or TJ still here?” 

“They went to get something to eat but they should be back soon.” I see hesitation flash through Brad’s eyes. 

“Can you ask them to visit with me when they return, please? I owe them an apology…and I need to come up with a plan.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> This chapter and the previous one refused to be written--this one with five rewrites! So when my Muse decided to finally return to me I decided not to look a gift horse (or story) in the mouth...and wrote until I ran out of steam. Sorry it is my usual shortness but I have a feeling that the next one will be much longer...it will FINALLY be the showdown between all three of our boys. I will post it as soon as possible.
> 
> Thanks for hanging in there with me!
> 
> Donna

The quick departure of Brad, Sophie and Jake left everyone feeling confused and more than a bit uncomfortable. After a private word with Jamia and a phone call to Steve, Frank decided to gather everyone together by the back door of the theatre. Since it was plain to see that Jake had no intentions of returning anytime soon, Jamia suggested that Frank take those who had volunteered their time that evening for a night of dancing and drinking to thank them for their participation. 

Earlier in the week Steve had called a local car service and ordered a large white van to take the dancers to the club. The previous tour had taught Steve and Jake many lessons, this being the most important---never set up limos for the evening out. All they do is attract the paps and the celebrates never get a chance to just sit back and enjoy each other’s company (or get stinking drunk and make an ass out of themselves.) Misha and Jensen kept the group laughing on the ride to the club, picking on each other and Frank until the tension began to disperse a bit.

When they arrived the manager of the Hungry Vamp Nightclub led Frank and company to the VIP section of his club with the same pomp and circumstance that he would have led the Queen of England. Looking around at the scantily clad bodies rubbing against each other on the dance floor Frank giggles to himself as he thinks that this ‘den of inequity’ is probably the last place the Queen would ever find herself in.

As they enter the VIP section Frank watches a bartender take his place in front of an impressive array of top shelf liquor. A table full of appetizers on a table across the room makes Frank’s mouth water as he thanks the manager, slipping him a $50 bill as the man turns to leave. Everyone else in the group is standing in front of the wall made of one-way glass, staring down at the sweaty bodies gyrating on the dancefloor. At least no one will be able to see them if they all drink too much and things get a bit crazy…

The manager stops in his tracks and returns the tip to Frank, a smile on his face. “No need, sir, but thank you. Mr. Andolini has paid for everything in advance. Enjoy and if you find yourself in need of anything you have only to ask for it.” Frank shakes his head as the manager turns and walks away—as usual, Jake has thought of everything...

 

 

Adam is used to Tommy’s pacing but for some reason it’s making Adam want to scream at the top of his lungs tonight. What the fuck could be taking so long? This car service really has been shitty lately. The two of them should have just ate at the hospital as Tommy suggested but Adam wanted to find a place with a bit more privacy so they could talk. No such luck—the paps followed their every step, interrupted their meal three times and are now waiting for them outside of the restaurant. 

“He really wants to talk to us? I mean…” Tommy bites down on the side of the thumb again, his nervous habit returning. Reaching out to gently take TJ’s hand in his before Tommy bites his skin down to the bone, Adam meets Tommy’s brown eyes which plead with Adam. “…did Sophie put him up to this, or…” With a sigh Adam squeezes TJ’s hand, his voice thick with anxiety. “I have no idea, baby. Brad sounded pissed off on the phone, as if he was being made to do something against his will by calling us. I take it he’s not happy that Jake asked to see us.”

Tommy grunts loudly. “For the last two years or so nothing you or I do seem to make Brad happy so why start now?” Adam chuckles despite himself, running his free hand through Tommy’s hair just once so he can hear Tommy whimper. “Right now the last thing I’m worried about is how fucking happy Bradley is! I just hope we can work out our problems with Jake.” But as they return to Jake’s hospital room twenty-five minutes later Adam yanks sharply on Tommy’s arm, pulling them both into the shadows and out of Jake’s view of their return. 

“…can you do that for me?” Jake asks, his innocent tone barely heard over Kell’s angry sputtering. “Please Kell. I know that you would rather…” Adam peeks around the door frame and quickly takes in the bedside scene. Jake looks exhausted, dark circles thick under his eyes giving him a haggard look. His skin has taken on a pasty color, his ever-present tan appearing washed out. A stab of fear runs through Adam at the sight of his husband appearing so weak and tired as if the bed under him could easily swallow the strong man whole. Adam immediately thinks back to that fateful day in Cleveland, seeing Jake’s body lying on the sidewalk riddled with five bullet holes and barely hanging onto life.

Kell glares at Jake, his words sharp as he growls “YOU are the one who has NO idea what I’d rather, Jake!” Adam growls under his breath as Kell grabs Jake’s hand that holds the IV drip, causing a quick grimace to cross Jake’s face. Unaware that Adam and TJ are standing in the hall Kell continues, his eyes blazing with emotion. “I’d rather you divorce those two fools before they break your heart again with their bullshit!” Jake glances at the door and his face paling even further but Kell won’t be denied his chance to speak his mind. “You cling to hope when there isn’t any! How in the hell can they expect you to forgive them over and over like you do? Even Sophie doesn’t expect you to put up with their bullshit…”

Jake’s tone turns icy as Adam once again ducks back to his and TJ’s hiding place. “Leave her out of it, Kellan. This is just between the two of us…”

“Why? Listen, I love Sophie too, I really do Jake. But you have to open your eyes and see things as they really are! She wants you to forget all the pain you’ve gone through in the last three years and beg them to return to you FOR WHAT?” A chair loudly scrapes against the floor as Jake once again mumbles Kell’s name in warning. “SOPHIE hasn’t been here the last few years…I HAVE! I’M the one who…”

“Kissed me, remember?” Jake finishes quickly as Adam and Tommy gasp in shocked unison, the sound causing a nurse at the nurse’s station across from them to raise her head and give them both a stern look. The next few heartbeats happen before Kell mumbles a few words, too soft to be heard in the hall. “What was that? I didn’t hear you.” Jake asks, his tone sounding more and more tired as time goes on. Adam peeks around the corner once again as Kell barks out in anger, attempting to deflect Jake’s statement. “Why Jake? Why do you want to make a baby with Sophie?” TJ makes another shocked sound which causes Jake to turn his head quickly towards the door, this time catching a glimpse of Adam as he moves back towards the shadows of the hallway. Adam hears Jake sigh as he responds “Look, Kell…I’m tired as fuck and that is the last thing I want to discuss with you, especially since it’s none of your business. I called you here to ask you to try and get along with my husbands until I recover but I see I’ve made the wrong move…so I think it would be better if I ask you to stay away from all three of us, until I have the time to heal things with Adam and TJ. Can you do that for me? Can you respect my wishes and give us some space?”

After a small pause the sound of moaning reaches Adam and TJ’s ears—Kell moaning with desire and Jake moaning in surprise and shock. Then another sound fills the air, one as sharp as a gunshot. There’s no doubt about it—it’s the sharp sound of a face being slapped.  
“Get out!”

“Not without having my say first!” TJ tries to push his way around Adam but Adam once again grabs his arm, shushing him by sending another glare his way. “I will try and give you the space you need but I refuse to go away for good, Jake. Why should I? Leave and give Sophie another chance to lure you into fatherhood? Or so those two idiots can charm you into another round of heartache? No way in hell. I’m staying with the show, like it or not. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it! I’ll stay out of your way but I’ll still be here. Just don’t expect me to wipe away your tears when those two idiots break your heart.” Footsteps shuffle their way towards the door and down the hall while Adam and TJ hold their breaths, both wondering if they should stay or sneak away to discuss what they had just heard.

“You can come in now” Jake weakly calls out. “I know you’ve been listening…so let’s talk.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> The charities that I mention really have been lucky enough to have worked with the stars that I mention in this chapter.  
> Enjoy!  
> xoxoxo

Adam’s POV

Why am I always the peacemaker in this marriage???

The second that we hear Jake’s invitation to join him the air rushes out of my lungs as TJ slams me into the wall, trips over my feet and sprints full speed into Jake’s hospital room. “What the actual FUCK, Jake?” Damn it! Why in the hell can’t that boy just calm the fuck down for once?

“Tommy!” Even though Jake’s voice sounds rough as hell there is no denying the joy that seeing TJ brings him. It colors everything about Jake, always does—from the way his voice changes with affection, how his eyes light up and his breathing changes. Jake’s sexy firm chest hitches, his lungs gasping for air as a smirk crosses his perfect lips. My husband is drop-dead gorgeous even as he lays in a hospital bed dressed only in a thin gown and rough sheets but when he sees TJ? There is nothing more perfect in the entire fucking world.

Does Tommy see it? Hell no. The little punk only wants to pick a fight.

It’s gonna be a long night…

Wincing I pull my body off the wall and slowly enter Jake’s room, giving Jake a smile as I approach, coming to a stop at the head of his bed. I lean down and whisper a soft “Hey Baby…” just seconds before placing a gentle kiss to Jake’s temple, feeling the throb of blood rushing through his veins as he sighs in return. “Hey Adam” Jake responds, his eyes meeting mine before I straighten up, look around the room for the closest chair and pull it next to the bed, sitting down as close to Jake as possible.

“Is anyone listening to me?” Tommy demands, his hands on this hips and a scowl on his face. My eyes return to Jake’s, seeing the apprehension building as Tommy continues. “Does that bastard HAVE to follow your every movement? And what the hell was that about HIS KISSING YOU?”

“I wouldn’t go there if I was you, TJ.”

“Shut the fuck up, Adam!” Tommy sneers as his face turns dark red, memories of his own ‘kissing fest’ coming back to haunt him. “I’m talking about Kell and Jake…”

A nurse enters the room, concern turning to aggravation as she turns a glare on first TJ then I. It’s the same nurse that glared at us in the hallway. “Mr. Andolini needs his rest, he’s had too many visitors so far this evening. If you won’t leave I’ll be forced to call security…”

“Please, ma’am.” Jake starts, his eyes pleading for her understanding. “These are my husbands…” The nurse gives Jake a look of disbelief and then pity as he continues. “…and there has been a misunderstanding between us. If you can only give us a little time to talk it out, I promise I will get some sleep right after. I’m sure you know how hard it is to sleep when someone is angry with you?” The nurse glances at TJ out of the corner of her eye—TJ looks angry enough to punch a hole in the wall next to him, his eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. Her express changes slightly, her displeasure showing more clearly as she turns her head towards me. It suddenly hits me that she is actually trying to gage just how volatile the situation could become if she lets it continue. 

I take the hint and clear my throat as I stand up, slowly crossing the room until I come to a stop in front of the nurse, a friendly smile on my face. She gives me a look full of doubt as I explain “Don’t worry, I’m here playing referee between them! I promise we will behave—no screaming or anything that requires stitches!” A small smile cracks the corner of her mouth so I go for the kill—the patented Adam Lambert pout. “Pwweease?”

The nurse—her nametag stating that her name is Debbie—gives each of us a last serious look before turning towards the door, calling over her shoulder. “Ten minutes—and don’t make me regret my decision, gentlemen!”

We all heave a sigh of relief as Debbie turns on her heel and leaves the room but TJ, like a dog with a bone, dives right back into the fray. “Jake, if you and Kell…”

“I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG, TOMMY! AND I DON’T WANT HIM!” Jake hisses, his eyes glancing between us. I can see the truth in his statement but it seems that TJ is so out of control with anxiety and self-doubt that it is easy to see he doesn’t feel the same. “I want both of you!” Jake’s voice raises a bit as he continues. “Haven’t you noticed how hard I’ve been trying to keep the three of us together all this time? Or has being on the road completely melted your brain?” I reach out to take Jake’s hand in mine but he pulls away, his lips twisting in annoyance. “I have been the only one calling on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays…any event in our lives that happened while we were apart.” 

“And we were APART because you decided to become a movie star…”

“Because YOU decided to go off and play guitar for some of the biggest names in music! Did you expect me to stay home and play housewife while you toured the world making YOUR dreams come true?” TJ sputters out gibberish for a second but Jake’s tirade cuts him off. “I hate sounding like a girl but WHY is it that I’m the one…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…we’ve heard it all before, Jake” pops out of my mouth before I realize what I’m saying. Both my husbands turn to me in shock, TJ giving me a look that clearly says “Cut it the fuck out, Adam!” but I cannot seem to be able to turn off the word diarrhea now that it’s started. “You know how to whine but it seems that you are even better at keeping secrets, huh?” 

Jake’s voice turns wary, his eyes hooded. “Secrets, huh? Like fucking two guys in a hotel room after a night of drinking and drugs?” Jake glares at me before snapping his glare at Tommy. “Or spending every single night getting so fucking drunk you have no idea what day it is or how many guys you’ve kissed?” 

“I was talking about making plans with Sophie to have a baby without us…or how about the fact that you ended up in here because you refused to take care of yourself with an illness that YOU CONVIENTLY FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT!!!!!!” A look of guilt crosses Jake’s face, the intensity of it shocking me into clamping my mouth tightly shut. What the fuck is wrong with me???? Didn’t I just say to that cute nurse not five minutes ago that I would make sure that the three of us would behave and be nice to one another? 

I try again, this time with my voice as gentle as possible. “Honey…I’m sorry.” As tears enter Jake’s eyes I can see that he doesn’t believe me one bit. “I know that all three of us have fucked up in a hell of a lot of ways…but that doesn’t stop us from loving each other with all we have.” I shoot a look at TJ that plainly tells him to shut the fuck up and let me babble my way out of this mess…maybe.

Before I can say another word Jake cuts me off. “Both of you signed a contract stating that you would fulfill your obligations to Angel’s Cause and the Chippendales.” Jake’s icy voice tells me that my chance to fix things has just been shot to hell. Damn that Dago husband of mine and his temper! But then again…I pushed him into this. “As soon as I get out of here I’m returning to the tour, with or without the two of you. I…” A lone tear slowly makes its way down Jake’s face as he softly continues. “…hope that the two of you wish to stay but…I don’t know if you want to anymore. All I know is that I’m tired of fighting instead of talking, tired of life getting in the way of our marriage. I want us to be happy again like we were before we got married. I want the passion back. I want…” 

Before Jake can finish his sentence Debbie returns, a security guard shadowing her footsteps. “Alright gentlemen! Mr. Andolini needs his rest. Your ten minutes are up!” 

Tommy and I look at each other in silence before I lean forward to press a soft kiss to Jake’s trembling lips. He freezes the first couple of seconds before I feel his arms slowly circle my neck, the pressure growing as he ends up squeezing me tightly. As I pull back I whisper “No matter what, Jake—you are my love and my life. I’m never letting you go.” Jake nods as his eyes once again focus on my face. I wink at him as I move back a few steps, letting TJ know that it’s his turn to kiss Jake goodbye. 

Tommy shoots the security guard a sneer before walking up to his side of Jake’s bed. Debbie and the guard visibly tense but I know better. No matter how much my husbands fight with each other, at the end of the day they still love each other. I’m not worried that anything will happen.

Then again…I should have known better. 

Tommy mimics my movements, bending down to place his lips against Jake’s—seconds before Jake’s hand flies on its own, connecting with the side of Tommy’s face with surprising force. I barely hear Debbie’s gasp, the sound of it almost drowned out by TJ yelling “WHAT THE…GODDAMN IT, JAKE! I’m NOT Kell!” I shoot Jake one last pleading look as I follow Tommy out the door, my stomach sinking to my feet as Tommy screams over his shoulder “THIS ISN’T OVER, HUSBAND!”

 

“What the hell?” Misha, who is still riding a nice alcohol buzz from earlier in the evening, asks for the fourth time in fifteen minutes. Everyone knows what he’s referring to—Jake, the tour and the protestors that have arrived just in time to turn everything to shit instead of dollar bills.

“Misha.” Jensen’s southern drawl becomes sharper than usual as he tries to tell his friend without so many words to just shut up. “We are all freaking out a bit here! What we should be doing is finding a way to help.” Misha sticks his tongue out at Jensen before exclaiming “Yeah, we CAN help!” While everyone chuckles Misha bolts upright, his face glowing with excitement. “I mean…yeah! We…” Misha looks around at everyone sitting around him, his hands flapping with excitement. “Look…Frank created a guitar to raise money for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, right?” Frank nods. “And Jared’s worked with “To Write Love On Her Arms” before.” Jensen and Frank both nod in unison this time. Misha then turns to Jensen, his smile growing. “And you and Jared? Where do I start? Both of you with Operation Smile, Alzheimer’s Association, The American Cancer Society…and me with Random Acts…”

Frank gives a one shoulder shrug. “Aaaaah, Misha? Like, what the hell?”

Misha stumbles upright, pacing a few times before turning back towards his friends. “WE CAN DO IT! While Jake’s in the hospital…we can take over Angel’s Cause!”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has not been edited, so please forgive any mistakes.  
> xo

TWO DAYS LATER—JAKE’S HOSPITAL ROOM

It was a quiet morning in the north wing of Westfield Hospital. The only sounds that could be heard at the nurse’s station were the beeping of various machines…and the blaring of the television in Jake Andolini’s room as he flips from one channel to the next.

(TMZ)…Our top story—Angel’s Cause’s troubles increase as God’s Army puts Jake Andolini in the hospital. Will Jake’s ‘so-called’ husbands come to his rescue…or is their ‘marriage’ as fake as Jake’s acting?”

(Good Morning America)…“The Chippendales somehow managed to put on a show last night despite a large protest by a religious group known as “God’s Army.” The group stood outside the LA Revue for an hour before police were brought in, forcing the group to disperse and eventually arresting fourteen people. Many protestors held up signs as they physically tried to keep ticket holders from entering the building. The Chippendale’s road manager could not be reached for comment this morning.”

(CNN) “…about time that the ‘religious right’ is heard—loud and clear—in America! Protesters have a right to have their say, the same as their so-called ‘gay’ counterparts. The gays have had the ear of this country for far too long! It’s time we take back our right to have healthy, happy lives without those disease-ridden freaks trying to soil all that this country stands for! Raise your voice and take back decency!”

(The Morning Show) “…Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins and Frank Iero were just a few of the famous people who danced in the ill-fated Angel’s Cause fiasco in LA last night. The religious protest group God’s Army successfully kept attendees at bay last night, accosting them at the door with chants and signs. Attendance ended up being a quarter of the usual numbers last night, making some stars think about withdrawing from future shows. But what of Ackles, Collins and those other diehards? Will their careers forever be tarnished “by association” with the Cause now that Jesus disapproves of men stripping for charity? Only time will tell…”

(After a long pause…) “NURSE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY CLOTHES???! I’M GETTING THE FUCK OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW!”

 

“Well, last night was a clusterfuck” Jensen sighs, frustration and sadness showing in his tired face. 

Brad had called at 6am after Jensen had hosted a night of ‘partying’ with those unlucky celebrities that were a part of the mess the evening before. Brad ended up insisting that everyone—Jensen, Misha, Frank and the others—meet at his house at noon for a meeting to discuss their next move.

Jensen’s voice cracks as he continues. “We put the word out to our fans and even with all the tickets sold we only ended up filling sixty percent of the seats. The amount we took in was the smallest amount the Cause has EVER taken in at a charity event! So what the fuck do we do now?”

Brad stands up and begins to pace, his expression mirroring Jensen’s. “No matter what, we can’t walk away when those kids need us the most! Jake never would…”

“Yeah, but Jake has experience handling situations like this, we don’t!” Sophie chimes in, her voice wavering with uncertainty. “And where are Adam and Tommy Joe? They should be here…”

“I told them to stay away.”

Shock and stunned silence covers everyone in the room at this piece of information. Misha tries to speak but the best he can do to respond is to wave his arms around in Brad’s general direction, a broken squeak sounding for a few seconds before dying off.  
But not everyone is lacking words to express their feelings…

“WHAT THE EXACT FUCK, BRAD?” Sophie screams at the top of her lungs. “WHY would you do such a STUPID thing? They have a right to be here, helping where Jake can’t right now! And you of all people KNOW that I have spent what seems like forever trying to help Jake get back together with those two! You could ruin everything…”

Brad snorts loudly and then sneers. “Take your head out of your ass, girl! Those two have done nothing but fuck shit up since their wedding day! When they called this morning I told them that we will take care of everything, that they should mind their own business.”

“Brad…”

“NO!” Brad stops in his tracks and spins on his heel, almost tripping over Frank’s feet as he moves to place himself between Sophie and Brad, just in case. Brad’s temper is becoming famous within this circle of friends. “Face facts—Adam and TJ left that marriage a LONG time ago!” Brad comes to a halt, his arms open wide. “Between his health and those homophobic idiots Jake has more than enough to stress about. Why make matters worse by adding in two assholes who couldn’t care less?”

Misha seems to have found his voice, a look of disgust crossing his face. “C’mon guys! We’re here for the kids…” 

Sophie stands and tries to move closer to Brad but Frank once again moves between them. “Because THEY ARE JAKE’S HUSBANDS! JESUS, BRAD!” Sophie throws up her hands in the air in frustration, almost accidently hitting Frank in the face with her forearm. “You and I were in their wedding for fuck’s sake! But the difference between us is that I want to help them reconcile but you…”

“…want to see me in divorce court before the year is out” Jake finishes for Sophie, who covers her mouth with both hands as she squeaks in surprise. Everyone turns towards Jake as one, Brad’s face paling as he crosses the room quickly, skidding to a halt at Jake’s side. “Jake…I didn’t mean to…”

Jake slowly turns his gaze on everyone in the room before it’s turned full force on Brad. A sudden chill fills the room as Jake continues to glare at Brad, his voice soft but commanding as he practically whispers “Not…now…Brad.” Brad visibly flinches as Jake’s voice raises slightly, the tone even colder. “We’ll talk about it later.”

Jensen slowly makes his way over to Jake’s side and places his arm around Jake’s shoulders in a side hug. “C’mon bro! Have a seat and tell us just what the fuck you’re doing out of the hospital! I thought your doctor wanted to run a few more tests…” With a firm hand on Jake’s shoulder Jensen leads his friend over to sit next to Misha on a cushioned bench by a large bay window. 

“I…signed myself out.” Jake shoots Misha a quick smile before settling next to him on the bench. Quickly raising his hand to stop any negative comments he quickly continues. “It’s ok, though. They were going to release me tomorrow after a last round of testing. I’m doing better so they made me a deal—I promised that I’d show up first thing in the morning and take the tests like a good boy.” Misha softly laughs. “You, a good boy?” Jake glances at Misha and then joins him in laughter. “I’ll take you in the morning, Jake.” Jake laughs even harder at this statement. “You just want to make sure I “don’t forget” to show up, right, Misha?” 

A knock at the door has Brad scooting out of the room while everyone else circles around Jake, saying hi and making small talk. After a few minutes of mumblings from the front door Brad returns, rage tightening his features and shorting his steps.  
Entering the room close behind Brad are Adam, Tommy Joe…

And Kellan.

 

“So what do we do NOW, Dia?” Leila’s voice booms through the receiver. Dia had suggested three days ago that she and Leila sit back and let the boys work through their problems without any meddling from their mothers-in-laws. Leila has been chomping at the bit to swoop in and ‘fix’ things for a while now, but the recent ‘media blitz’ has taken her concern to a whole other level. “The last thing the boys need is one more voice telling them what to do…”’

“You’re beginning to sound like a broken record, Dia!” Leila fumes. “The boys need to have our support at a time like this! I think we should be there to lend that support in person…”

“You sound like my mother-in-law, always ready to swoop in and handle things that are really none of her business…”

“Are you saying that I should just turn my back on my son and ignore everything when he is going through the largest personal crisis of his life?” Leila’s voice sounds amazed but irritated. “I know your relationship with Tommy has always been laid back but Adam and I have a close bond…”

“…so he knows that he can come to you if he needs you, Leila. But if you fix this for them, how will they grow? How will they learn how to avoid the same kind of issues in the future?”

“By not getting drunk and kissing everything in sight…”

“…or by not getting drunk and having sex with two strangers!” Dia shoots back at Leila with equal heat. After a short pause to regain her composure Dia asks “Leila…you’re not going to back down on this, are you?”

The firm answer is one word, spoken without pause for thought.

“No.”

Dia sighs and picks up her desk calendar, her eyes scanning over the written dates in front of her. “Then let me request some time off of work…”

 

“…so as soon as Lane gets back to me I will go in front of the cameras and straighten this all out, alright?” Jake finishes, his voice so calm that it is easy to tell he is holding back all emotion. For the second time in an hour stunned silence fills the room while everyone struggles to digest what they have just been told. 

Misha sharply pokes Jake in the side to get his attention and then says how he feels in one simple word. 

“No.”

“No?” Jake’s response is filled with echoes of Adam’s dominant tone. Smiling to himself, Adam can’t help but think that Jake has learned at least one thing from him during their three-year marriage. 

But Misha’s response is full of dominance and strength that cannot be denied. “NO, Jake.” Jake quirks an eyebrow as Misha continues to speak his mind. “I am a grown man who makes decisions for himself. I will not have you going to the media and tell them you have decided to turn your back on the Cause simply because my career is at stake. HAVE YOU MET ME?” Jensen flinches, all eyes turning towards him briefly. The look on his face plainly shows that whatever Misha is about to say will not be pretty.

“I WORKED AS AN AIDE IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOR FUCK’S SAKE! Do you think I kept my opinions to myself simply because I was in a political entity? HELL NO! I USED IT TO MY ADVANTAGE! I never thought about how my opinions and decisions would affect my future because my opinions and my decisions are WHO I AM and I am not changing them FOR ANYBODY!” Jake sees a tear in one of Misha’s blue eyes as he continues. “I had a good friend in college who was gay. One night he was coming back to our dorm room after a football game. He was jumped by five football players who beat and stomped him to death simply because he spoke with a lisp…” Misha pauses to rub his eyes, his voice breaking. “The assholes who killed him got away with it! “College prank gone wrong”—bullshit! It didn’t stop then and it won’t stop now unless WE do something!” Anguish and determination are shining through Misha’s face as he turns towards Jake. “If everyone else in this room were to back out now to save their career, fine—I’ll still be by your side in this thing to the end. If YOU want to back out, fine—I’ll take your place as spokesman. I’ll do this myself if I have to…” Jake wraps both arms around Misha while he whispers “You don’t have to, Mish…I’m staying.”

“Me too” Jensen echoes, his voice full of unshed tears.

Everyone else in the room follows suit with a form of affirmation until Tommy softly asks “So what is your next step then, Jake?”

Jake looks up at Jensen as he moves to stand next to Misha, a gentle hand reaching out to land on his friend’s arm to comfort him. Jensen’s eyes catch Jake’s, a pleading look that counsels patience. Jake’s gaze stays locked on Jensen’s as he replies “The only thing I can do, TJ. I have to go proclaim to the world that I am healthy and that the tour will go on. Then I have to go to Mark to ensure him that no matter what, this tour means the world to so many people in need.” Jensen cannot help himself from smiling when Adam adds “Then Tommy and I will accompany you, honey.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> Thank you for reading this little mess of mine so far! This chapter was written in 15 minutes so if it is crap please forgive me! It did not have a final edit before posting so let this be your warning...
> 
> Comments are like cookie and I like cookies, so if you feel inspired drop me a note to let me know what you think!
> 
> Love,  
> Donna

TJ’s POV

Adam, Jake and I are in the back of a limo on our way to the office of Mark Renaldo, the CEO of Chippendales International when my phone goes off. I don’t even look at who it is—the ringtone gives it away. I mean, really…who else would I assign “mObscene” to?

“Hey Marilyn, how you doin?” I notice a small smile cross Jake’s lips for a brief moment. 

“Much better than you bebs based on the media as of late.” I snort instead of answer; Marilyn knows by now that from me, this is an answer within itself. Adam, who has just hung up from his own phone call and is oblivious to what I’m doing, shoots me a quick questioning look. My next statement lets him know who I’m talking about without any addition clues. 

“Yeah, too many religious freaks in the world for my tastes. And speaking of freaks…how’s the tour going? Do you miss me?”

It’s Marilyn’s turn to snort. “Well, yeah…” I hear the hiss of a bus door in the background and for a moment I am hit with an overwhelming wave of homesickness for the tour. “…but with you gone there’s more beer for everyone. But at the same time it’s been very boring. No spontaneous jamming at 4am, no spontaneous bouts of kissing other band members…”

“Fuck you Mary!”

“Not my job bebs. But I’m sure you’re with two sexy men right now who can satisfy any current kink you might have in mind.” I quickly glance at my husbands while my face turns bright red—if only that would happen! “But I DID call with a purpose. Are you currently with your two hubbies?”

“Yeah, Marilyn. Do you need to talk to all of us?” I ask, one hand already reaching out to rest on top of Adam’s as he is scrolling through his contacts in an attempt to make another call of his own.

“Please, bebs.” I wink at Adam and Jake as I set my phone on “speaker” and place it on the seat between Adam and I. “Ok, Marilyn…go ahead.”  
All three of our attentions are focused on my phone as Marilyn purrs “Good morning, gentlemen. I am calling with an offer that…like the Godfather…you cannot refuse.”

I notice Jake cock his head to the side before saying “Hello, Marilyn. So what is your offer?”

“Well…” I know Marilyn enough to know that, by the way he is dragging out drama, that whatever he has to say will be very interesting indeed. “…as I mentioned to Teej I have been watching the media circus that surrounds all three of you at the moment.” Adam grunts as Marilyn continues. “I was wondering if you would truly like to turn the circus into a three-ringed affair?”

Jake asks despite his best instincts “And how would I do that, pray tell?”

“By letting me dance in the show.”

Without thinking I blurt out “Oh holy mother of fuck!” Jake, with his proper upbringing, kicks me in the shin while Adam turns his brightest smile on both of us. “I mean…sounds interesting, Marilyn” I choke out as I swat Jake in the same arm that they took about a year’s worth of blood out of his arm at the hospital. He swats me back as he sputters “I…think that…but…what do you have in mind, Marilyn?”

We all hear shuffling around in the background as Marilyn explains “Well…I heard what that fucking church is doing, with their boycotts and their hatred. But regardless of my stance on religion…” Jake and Adam both look at me—they both know that Marilyn and I share the same views on a lot of things—which is one of the reasons we get along so fucking well. “…I know that at the end of the day, this is about the kids. I put a check in the mail to Steve yesterday for the Cause but I want to do more. And if it screws with those “Westboro fuck-a-likes” then more power to all of us at the end of the day, right?” With another chuckle Marilyn adds “I figured that I could dance to “Personal Jesus”…”

Jake has a tender look on his face—obviously Marilyn’s offer has touched him deeply—as he softly responds “Marilyn—I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for the kids. You know how much that charity means to us. But…”

“Yeah yeah…I know…don’t say it. You don’t want a freak like me up on stage scaring the hell out of some middle aged housewives! I get it. But…” I swear I can hear a hint of sadness in Marilyn’s tone “…I still wanted to offer, ya know?”

Jake, always sensitive to other’s feelings, blurts out “And believe me! We all appreciate it more than you know! But it’s not my decision.” Now it’s my turn for my eyebrows to touch my hair line but I know that in the end Jake is right. “We have to answer to the management of the Chippendales. If it was just our tour then I would say “Hell yes!” in a heartbeat, but I can’t speak for them.” I hear Marilyn make a non-committal noise.“We are heading to meet with their CEO right now. I’ll make you a deal, Marilyn.” Adam, who is not as close to Marilyn as Jake and I are, shakes his head “no” but Jake ignores him, winking at me as he continues. “I will personally ask Mark if you can join the tour. And I will call you as soon as we are finished with our meeting to give you Mark’s answer. If he says yes…you better pack your dancing shoes.”

I hear Marilyn giggle as I reach over and place a tender hand on Jake’s arm. As Jake’s eyes meet mine I give him a genuine smile before whispering “thank you” to my husband. Jake smiles back and nods as he asks “Just how many shows are you thinking of performing in?”

Marilyn sounds a little hesitant as he replies “Well…we are on a short break in the tour, and I wasn’t sure how much you would want me around…so I was thinking a show or two? And if things work out and you want me around later, we can work something out?” 

Jake nods even though Marilyn cannot see the gesture. “Sounds good! I will let you know when we are finished talking to Mark. Again, thank you so much, Marilyn. You have a good heart.”

I hear the sound of paper shuffling which means that Marilyn is at his easel creating another masterpiece. I wish I had just a tiny bit of his talent. “Sssshhhh! Remember…to the rest of the world…I have a black heart if I have one at all. Don’t ruin my rep!” We all chuckle through our goodbyes as the limo pulls up at Chippendale headquarters. But before we exit the limo I comment “I mean it, Jake. I’m grateful.” I watch Adam open the door and exit the limo but Jake stays behind long enough to answer. “I know, Tommy. And I’m sure that when we speak to Mark he is gonna shit his pants at the thought of Marilyn dancing in the show! But…” Jake’s voice mellows as it drops a few octaves. “…in Marilyn you have a great friend Tommy, I hope you know that.” I nod in response. “I know but remember, he’s your friend as well...or he wants to be.” We both hear Adam calling us to join him. As I climb out of the limo I hear Jake say behind me “I know, I’m the luckiest man in the world to have so many people around me that care.” I hear a smile in his voice as he says “Now let’s go ruin Mark’s day!”

 

“Hell no!”

These are the only words that Mark seems to be able to snarl out today. I have only met the guy once before and, because Jake was bringing a fuck load of attention (and money!) to his over-muscled dancers with the first tour, his attitude was all unicorns and puppy dogs and sparkly shiny shit. But today he was all “You all fucking suck and I hate your guts, get out of my face.” And the worst part?

Jake is sitting in the corner, his head in his hands. As I listen to Mark running his mouth my eyes are locked on my husband, concern on my face. Jake looks like a little boy who has just taken his 50th beating from this father in one day. The bags and dark circles stand out under his eyes, stark against Jake’s pale skin. Adam and I took Jake out to breakfast right before we arrived at this meeting so I know that he has eaten recently but I swear that he looks as if the skin is beginning to melt away from his bones. My once fit and tanned husband has now been reduced to a sickly, sallow looking man that looks like he’d break in half if I sat on his lap. The same way he did after the shooting in Cleveland…

I can’t take another minute of this bullshit! I have to stand up for my man…

“…so we are going to have to do things our way or…”

“Forget it.” I say before I even realize that the words have left my mouth.

“Excuse me???” Mark snaps. It’s obvious that he is not used to being corrected, much less talked back to.

“I said forget it!” Jake slowly raises his head, staring at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Adam? Adam on the other hand is grinning at me and nodding. He has seen this side of me when before, when Jake was in the hospital. A thought comes to mind as I continue. “Jake may have needed you before to sponsor his tour but he doesn’t need you anymore. So forget it.”

“We have a contract…”

“NO, YOU have a contract! A contract that you forced all three of us to participate in, so that Jake can help those kids that need us. HE is doing it for the kids…YOU are using us as a means to an end…YOUR WALLET! YOU don’t give a shit if those kids live or die, as long as your skanky strippers get to shake their asses for a buck.”

“Tommy…”

“NO Jake!” I turn my head towards him as I confront him with the thoughts that have been in the back of my mind for a long time. “YOU are better than this! YOU can do this without him!”

“He’s right.”

Jake and I turn in unison toward Adam, who has remained silent until this point. “You CAN do this tour without Mark. You have enough people behind you who care about you AND the kids. WE can make this happen!”

Mark, realizing that he is about to lose a ton of publicity barks out once again “We have a contract…”

“That you FORCED Tommy and I to be a part of and you know it! The only reason we became a part of it was that we knew that if we said no, you would not allow the tour to happen. We did as you wished and now, when things get rough, you want to try and demand how Jake runs his very own organization! Well…” Adam turns to look at Jake, reaching over to pat Jake’s hand in a show of support. “…I agree with Tommy. He CAN do this without you!” 

Adam and I stand in unison, each of us reaching out a hand for Jake to take. Well…we HOPE he will. But after a few seconds I shake my head slightly to get Adam’s attention.

Jake isn’t moving. 

Adam eyes begin to show frustration and a bit of doubt. I softly say “Jake? Honey?” No response. 

Jake takes a deep breath as Mark remarks “Obviously your husband doesn’t agree with you, gentlemen. He KNOWS that I’M the one who will be able to give his cause the proper springboard to success.”

At this comment Jake slowly sits forward in his seat, still ignoring our outstretched hands. I have to smile when I see the expression that is slowly taking place on that beautiful face—Jake’s jaw is ridged and set, his eyes blazing with a fire that I haven’t seen in a long, long time. Jake’s face is starting to turn bright purple so I take a small step back and lower my arm—and I notice, out of the corner of my eye—Adam doing the same thing. 

I’m sure that Mark is not aware of the bitching out he is about to receive. 

With a voice full of ice and steel Jake growls “The only person that I can trust at this time in my life is MYSELF, Mark. I will be forever grateful that you took a chance on the Cause and gave it a sounding board, but it’s time that I take things in a different direction. So…” I hear Adam’s sharp intake of breath—I know that he is thinking about that night he fucked those two men, just as thoughts of my drunken nights kissing and fondling (YES…I SAID FONDLING…both receiving AND enjoying) other people instantly enter my mind. Both of us know where we fucked up in our relationship with Jake, and we would be fools to think that Jake has forgotten OR forgiven us for our stupidity. And trust us completely? I think (or should I say know?) not…

“So I will go to the media and tell them that we have decided to part ways. That I intend to expand the tour beyond the capacity that the Chippendales can provide us. I will mention you in glowing terms, stating that you have decided to let us out of our contract with your best wishes. AND…” if it is at all possible, Jake’s voice becomes icier but pleasant at the same time. “…YOU WILL let us out of our contract because if you don’t…I will then go back to the media and tell them that you are the kind of a man who would manipulate someone into a contract based on money, not charity. I will make sure that YOU will end up the bad guy in all this, Mark.” 

Jake stands up and glares down at Mark, who returns his glare for a few moments before yanking open a file cabinet drawer next to his chair. Pulling out a file folder, Mark huffs as he pulls out Jake’s contract, ripping it down the middle and throwing both sections at Jake.

I cannot help but smile with pride as I watch my husband pick up the pieces of the contract, fold them and place them in his pocket before thanking Mark with a cold smile and then storming out of the room. Adam and I follow, neither of us bothering to give Mark a look or a parting shot.

As Jake reaches the elevator the door opens. Two well dressed women step out, both of them giving Jake a welcoming smile. The blonde says something to Jake that I do not hear but I am not surprised to see Jake only nodding to her in return. One thing I can say without a doubt—there is no doubt at all that his heart (and his body) belongs to Adam and I.

Now if I can only beat that ideal into Kellan, all will be perfect.

I hear Adam, his voice full of praise as he says “You were AMAZING in there! So what is your next move, babes?”

Jake enters the elevator first, slumping against the metal wall as soon as he is out of sight of Mark’s office. I’m the last to enter—as I turn to push the button to close the door and get us out of this hell I hear my husband’s suddenly tired, broke voice choke out “Hell if I know…but I have to call Marilyn and tell him to pack his dancing shoes...”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> I'm so very sorry that it took so long for this chapter to be born! I have started two new jobs and my time is not my own right now. I hope you like this chapter and where the story is going. I am hoping to have more free time in the next couple of weeks, and I will do my best to get another chapter out as soon as possible.
> 
> xo

Sutan’s POV

 

Hello darlings…I’m BACK! Remember me from the opening chapters of this saga? 

Sophie had to return to work, Frankie is at home (for the moment—he will join us again at the audition—but I’m getting ahead of myself…) with the wife and kiddos and me? I’m here to make sure that my favorite married trio behaves themselves. Are you feeling as skeptical as I am that it will happen? 

Bradley has been sent away for a ‘time out’ as well—poor darling! *yes, you DO hear a bit of the old ‘drag queen shade’ being thrown in there for good measure, you are NOT imagining it! * He just can’t seem to control that mouth of his long enough for anyone to take him seriously! I love the man; I DO…but really? 

Let’s get one thing straight here (and NO…that is NOT a pun!) …I do NOT condone the shit that TJ and Adam have pulled on Jake for the last three years. But at the same time…I know Jake pretty well by now. He is, while not as much as the others, still partially at fault for the entire situation. How you may ask??? By refusing to open up to his husbands when he was in pain. Jake has a habit of just sitting back and letting others walk all over him—and that, plain and simple—is the real reason things have gotten so out of hand. Jake should have laid the smack down on both idiots long ago…or hired me to do it!

Enough of that for the moment, darlings—now, where was I???…

 

 

THE MORNING AFTER JAKE’S MEETING WITH THE CHIPPENDALES

While Jensen, Misha, Frankie and the others were being sent home by Jake, Sophie was calling me from the airport. She gave me a frantic overview of what I had missed during the prior few weeks over the drone of a boring flight attendant screaming last call for Sophie’s flight. After a brief pause I hear the same bored voice comment “Have a nice flight” before huffing and puffing fills my ear. Unless I totally miss my guess, I would say that Sophie is literally running to the plane before it takes off without her—or she’s having sex with that bored-sounding flight attendant…

“Sutan, PLEASE…*huff puff*…PLEASE get on the first plane you can and stick…*huff puff*…to those boys like GLUE!”

*Deep sigh*--“Alright sweet cheeks! Just board your plane and stop worrying, momma’s got it all under control…” 

“I’ll…*huff puff* do the first but not the second…”

“Sugar, I’ll call you as soon as I get there. Now you go get on that flight and take care of yourself! Love you!”

“Love…” I hear the sound of a heavy door slamming shut and then our call drops.

I sigh as I scroll down my call list. This is gonna be interesting…

 

Trying to keep up with Jake (once you are lucky enough to find him) is harder than one might think. The next day Jake manages to contact every sleazy, self-centered entertainment reporter to set a joint interview with them—but only after breaking the news of the new tour on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show. As I am listening to the interview I can practically hear Ryan salivating all over Jake at being the first to break his news of a new tour. That fucking closet case! I know why Jake felt that he had to lower himself to do this but I hate that he had to whore himself out to that pig.

Of course Ryan just HAD to grill Jake about his relationship with Adam and TJ AGAIN, asking questions that forced Jake to take the high road just so he didn’t look like a douche with every answer. Without thinking, Ryan brought up that fucking church more than once, giving them unwanted air time instead of ignoring the topic altogether. 

But Jake held himself above all that, thanking and giving credit to those who helped him with the first couple tour dates. Of course, he used sweepingly beautiful words to thank his darling husbands as well as telling Ryan that they “would be there for him” throughout the entire upcoming tour. And with that being said, Jake finished his interview with “…and to any celebrity or professional dancer who is interested in our new tour, we are holding ‘auditions’ at the Nokia theatre this Friday. Please call Steve at Angel’s Cause to set up an audition. Remember, you don’t have to be an amazing dancer to make a huge difference to teens in need.”

Friday, huh? Well, I only have to babysit for three days before the audition. Sounds easy, right?

Wrong.

Kellan shows up at the “press conference” later in the day to give Jake his support, which led to another near-brawl between himself, Adam and TJ. After separating the three of them and reprimanding them like naughty school children, I jump into the interview to take the reporters minds off of the ‘off camera’ scuffle that I’m sure some of them heard. I camp it up with Jake, the two of us making the reporters laugh as they ask all kinds of questions about our friendship and my relationship to the tour. I can tell Jake is happy and relieved to have my help, considering the fact that the three men who claim that they want to help him more than life itself, can’t manage to even stand in the same room without fists being thrown. 

I take Jake out to dinner after, the two of us leaving those three idiots to fight it out on their own. But Jake, ever suspicious to other’s motives, asks “Sophie called you, didn’t she?” the second our waiter leaves with our order. 

I decide to play it low-key—I take a sip of my wine and mumble under my breath how cute the waiter is (he really is!) but it only makes Jake laugh. “Yeah…I wondered when she would call you. I figured that she would wait until the beginning of the tour, instead of making sure that I had a babysitter as soon as she booked her flight home!” 

I take a closer look at the man who has become not only my friend but…no, brother isn’t right. Closer than a brother. I have to admit that life has taken the two of us down separate paths lately, leaving us little time to spend together. Jake looks as sexy as ever, those muscles bulging bigger than life and that intensity that seems to always blanket him is still there. But at the same time there is…I guess the only word is a fragility to him that I have never seen before. He also looks tired, not in a physical sense exactly but you get the idea that he’s ready to just throw his hands up in the air and give in. I think it’s this last part that is bothering me the most, because I know that it comes more from his frustration with his marriage than anything else.

I want to wrap him up in a blanket and hide him from the rest of the world.

I reach out and place my hand on top of his. “It doesn’t matter how I got here, love. Momma’s here now, so you can stop trying to take on the weight of the world all by yourself. That’s what I’m here for!”

Jake laughs as he squeezes my hand tightly before letting it go. “Thank heavens I’ve got SOMEONE on my side that I know will act like an adult! I swear, those three…”

I cluck my tongue a few times in sympathy, a look of disgust covering my face for a moment. “I swear; they act as if they have never been outside of a bar in their lives! I’ll just have to teach them some manners!” Jake laughs again, a sound that I haven’t heard in a very, very long time. I’m gonna have to work on that!

As we eat our appetizers I finally get up the nerve to ask the question I’ve been dying but dreading to ask. I pin Jake down with a serious look and ask “Hon…are you REALLY thinking of divorce?”

“I’m…not sure.” 

Deep breath, Sutan! “Is…Kellan to blame?”

Jake’s sudden snort almost makes me drop my fork in surprise. “Kell? HELL NO!” Jake throws back his head and laughs some more. “Kell had NOTHING to do with my original decision to file for divorce, Sutan.” Jake tries to push away his plate of loaded potato bites but I firmly push it right back in front of him, causing him to raise an eyebrow at me before picking up another piece. “You and Brad were in our wedding—so was Sophie. But I really think that, of all three of you—you know what went on between the three of us. The whole story.” I nod, allowing him a few moments to gather his thoughts and eat a few bites. The man needs to eat to stay healthy.

“The year before we wed was busy but the three of us sat down a lot and talked about our future. They both knew that I wanted a family, it was no surprise to them.” A hollow look passes through Jake’s eyes as he continues. “They both agreed, both said that they wanted children and were hoping to start a family within the next five years.” Suddenly rage replaces the hollow look, rage at being misled. “I didn’t say anything during our first year of marriage—they were touring and I was too, with the Stones and others. But somewhere along the way, it hit me after a year that being a bodyguard was…ok, but…I wanted to start working on a family.”

The waiter brings our food. I nod and say a few things to him before he retreats to the kitchen. After a few bites in silence, Jake continues with his story.

“I Skyped with Adam and TJ to get their reaction—Adam said a vague “Umm-hummm” and Tommy changed the subject. And things haven’t changed one fucking bit! I didn’t expect them to say “Sure—let’s go find a willing vagina and get to it!” but I at least expected a dialog on the subject!” 

“So…in other words—they were hard to reach from the start, along this subject and in general? Brad told me that you couldn’t seem to get them to talk to you at all.” 

Jake stabs at his salad as he sadly replies “Yeah. I mean…there were some times that I would be able to connect a call, but there was always an excuse to get off the phone immediately. Either that or they would be drunk or the room would be full of people who wanted to talk to me. Adam was an expert at that—he would say hi and then turn his phone over to others and then leave the room. The minute I would say “Can you pass the phone back to my husband?” the answer was always “He’s not here anymore, but I’d like to ask you…”

I know my jaw is hanging open but no words are coming out. That fucker! I thought Adam had more class than that!

“TJ would just be drunk. I can’t tell you how many times he would either pass out on me or run off to get sick while we talked. And then I would end up talking to Marilyn in his place.” Surprisingly, a small smile crosses Jake’s handsome face, leaving me stunned for a moment before Jake simply states “I like talking to Marilyn, he is extremely intelligent and quite a humorist.” 

Huh. Never saw that coming…

The rest of the meal passes quickly but gives me a window into what has been going on with these three over the past three plus years.

In a nut shell (and I’m sure you readers have figured it all out by now) three things have been at the heart of this disaster:

1) Jake’s desire to be a family man—and his desire to make his wishes known.  
2) Tommy’s drinking  
3) Adam’s inability to be honest to his husbands—and knowing Adam like I do? I’m sure his zipper has not been as closed as Jake would like to pretend it has been.

We finish our meal in silence. Try as I might to take Jake out on the town for a fun night out, he claims that he’s wiped out by the day’s event and returns to his apartment for some much needed rest. 

Leaving me to contemplate how to kill my two besties without leaving any traces for the cops to find.

 

Shockingly, the next two days go by basically peaceful. Adam and TJ stay stuck to Jake’s side, just like good husbands should. Kell stays away (by order of Jake) but things still remain strained between everyone.

Then Friday arrives.

I am having an early lunch at Tony’s in WeHo when I hear a deep voice ask—

“Is this seat taken?”

I look up and nearly choke on my salad. Who in the world…but yes, I see now…

Brian Warner is standing next to my chair. Lord help me! 

It takes all of my drag queen reserve as I wave a hand towards one of the empty chairs at my table and reply “But of course, Brian. Or…” I notice him quirk an eyebrow as he sits next to me “…should I call you Marilyn, as Jake and TJ do?”

A slight smile crosses his lips as he replies “Marilyn will do, if you wish…RAJA…” I smile back. “Point to you, dearie. Now I see what Jake meant when he told me about you.” 

“Oh? What did that darling boy say, pray tell?” Marilyn leans near me, a conspirator’s air about him as he whispers “I won’t tell, cross my heart and hope to bleed!” 

I lean a little more towards Marilyn as I reply “He said he likes talking with you, that you are intelligent and quite a humorist.” 

Marilyn sits upright, a hand over his heart in relief. “Oh thank Satan!” I chuckle despite myself. “I was worried that he was going to say that I was a “saint of a guy, straight out of heaven! My reputation is saved!”

Marilyn without makeup is no less…unique…than Marilyn WITH makeup. He thinks he hides a lot of things from the world with that ton of cheap greasepaint he uses, but I know better. Jake wouldn’t even consider talking to him if he wasn’t a decent guy. I’m suddenly interested in getting to know him better…and giving him a makeover.

Little do I know at this moment—over the span of the next six months or so…I will have plenty of opportunity to do just that.

Starting this afternoon…

 

As it turns out, Marilyn is going to the auditions so I invite him to accompany me to the Nokia (after he pays for my lunch—what a sweet man!) Once there, we say our hellos to Jake, TJ and Adam, who seems somewhat surprised as well as dismayed to find me in the company of Marilyn. I have to make a mental note to ask Adam later why he seems uneasy in Marilyn’s presence. 

On the other hand, Jake pulls both of us in for hugs, his smile lighting up the entire room. TJ jumps up and down like a little kid, first climbing me and then Marilyn like trees, hugging and kissing the two of us with abandon. Adam meekly shakes Marilyn’s hand before leaning over to kiss my cheek as I whisper in his ear “What’s wrong, Boo? Not happy we’re here?”

Adam looks everywhere but at me for a few moments, his tone distant as he absently stammers out “Wha? No…NO! I’m just…” he takes a step back, leaning over to kiss Jake’s cheek before pivoting on his heel and walking backstage. Marilyn whispers “Freaky…” in my ear as Jake turns a blank stare towards Adam’s retreating back for a few seconds before turning back to the two of us with a tired smile. “So glad the two of you could make it! I need all the help I can get today, since Steve’s mother died this morning. He’s heading to Boston right now…”

We make small talk for a bit longer before someone calls Jake’s name from back stage. The celebrities should start arriving in a half an hour, so Marilyn and I wait for Jake to return with instructions while TJ walks off in search of Adam.

 

TWO HOURS LATER…

So far auditions have been going well. Jake, TJ, Frank (who arrived a few minutes before auditions started) and Adam are seated onstage, just a bit to the rear of the theater on the right side. Marilyn and I are in the first row, getting an audience perspective of the performers. We have been keeping in contact with Jake through our cell phones, letting him know our opinions on each act.

So far there have been male and female burlesque performers, circus people, unknown singers, professional dancers—the list goes on and on. But the tension in Jake’s face matches the tension Marilyn and I have started feeling over the last half hour or so.  
No “A-listers” have arrived to audition.

Without them this tour MIGHT bring in some money (if people are curious enough to check out the show to see what’s going on, IF Jake sells the show to the public in the right way) but since the idea is to make as much money as possible? 

TJ and Frank are whispering to each other as we watch a cute go-go boy go through his routine. Suddenly the left stage door opens to reveal Brad standing in the doorway, his face turned towards another man barely visible in the shadows behind him. 

Even though Marilyn and I cannot get a good look at the man in the shadows it’s obvious that TJ has a clear view of him. Tommy’s face gives away his panicked state—his eye pop wide open, his beautiful face turns marble white in shock. Marilyn shifts towards me in his seat as Tommy’s mouth opens for a few seconds before snapping shut, his eyes then shuffling back and forth to catch our reaction to his freak-out then snapping back towards the stranger in the doorway.

Marilyn claps his hands together in glee as I turn to see him smile at me, an evil glint in his eyes.

“Well, well, Raja! I feel like Sherlock Homes! Care to be my Watson? It appears we have a mystery to solve…”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> This chapter has been put on hold for so many reasons: writer's block, pain, PTSD, self abuse, students/classwork set up taking priority (as they should have)...and a major fight with someone I love more than life itself, who I NEVER wanted to hurt EVER...
> 
> While brainstorming this chapter (and at the same time, not speaking with said love of my life) I listened to "Take Back" by Adam (from the Trespassing CD) while sitting in a drive-thru, and everything just clicked. While I never cheated on my love like Adam and TJ in this story (it was stupid words that should have stayed in my mouth that caused our meltdown), it still means the same--how do you start over when you have no idea how to do so, after you've hurt someone so badly? 
> 
> Adam's lyrics are surrounded by *** on both sides. I wrote this in less than 20 minutes, and it was not beta'ed, so please kindly ignore any mistakes...
> 
> And to the love of my life...I'm SO, SO sorry...and I want to "TAKE BACK"...if you want to...
> 
> Please, comments are like cookies...and I'm hungry...xo

***All you ever think is “gimme gimme”   
but you never give back  
All I ever do is overthink   
and drink until I attack***

Sutan’s POV:

Thank heavens that the only one left to audition is the cute go-go boy on stage, because things are swiftly heading towards a meltdown…

“Shushhhh!” I hiss softly towards Marilyn, my eyes trained on the stage door. The music stops as the go-go boy ends his performance by spinning his body around quickly then landing in the splits directly in front of Jake, a huge grin covering his cute face. Adam glares down at the boy as if he has just smelled something rotten, his glance moving quickly between Jake and the go-go boy flirting with his husband. 

“Thank you! You will be hearing from us soon.” Adam’s cold tone causes Jake to shoot him a glare before Jake leans down to haul the boy to his feet with one strong hand. Mumbling something, a kind smile on his lips, Jake motions the boy towards the backstage curtain before hissing out “If you can’t keep your bad attitude to yourself, Adam…” 

“…he was flirting with you, plain as day! If you think I’m just gonna sit here and…”

“…oh, and YOU never flirted to get a job, RIGHT, MR. IDOL?” Adam shoots a glare towards Jake, who bats his eyes outrageously as he fangirls “I’ve ALWAYS been a such a BIG fan of yours, Paula!” Frankie snickers his cute little laugh, a hand quickly covering his mouth for a second before his face morphs into a look of complete shock. Sliding off his chair, Frank’s feet thud heavily on the floor as he takes a few steps towards Brad. 

“Matt? Is that you?”

Brad smirks first towards TJ, then in my direction as he steps aside, allowing the man behind him to enter to room…

M. Shadows, married man, father, singer…and by the look of guilty terror on TJ’s face…adulterer, glances from Frankie to TJ and then back to Frank. I feel Marilyn shift towards me again as he comments softly “Get out your popcorn, folks! We are in for a bumpy night…” 

Matt and Frankie walk quickly towards each other, meeting in the middle of the stage for a hug. My eyes continue to shift between Adam, Jake, TJ, Brad and Matt…

Looking for clues, for who knows and who doesn’t. 

Adam glances from TJ to Matt, and then back to TJ before his face tightens for a moment. Interesting. 

TJ is trying his hardest to look as if nothing in the world is possibly wrong…but fails so badly, he instead looks as if he’s swallowed an entire box of opened razor blades.

Brad looks as if he has just been told that he has won the gay lottery (all the men he could ever want and more) while at the same time he’s intensely staring at the floor, as if waiting for someone to yell at him…

It is easy to see that Matt is sincerely happy to see Frankie, but at the same time he is now doing his best to NOT look at TJ, who is now looking as if he is going to throw up any second. That boy couldn’t keep his shit together if someone paid him to…

And Jake? He is making notes on his clip board as if nothing in the world is wrong, as if he is on vacation on the beach instead of in this instant soap opera. Maybe he’s simply not aware of the stress around him…or maybe Hollywood owes him an Academy Award…

 

***We know how to talk it into the ground  
we know how to wear it out  
I ain’t gonna say we’re gonna end up in a grave and baby…***

 

“Wanna know what I think, dear Watson?” I shift slightly in my chair so Marilyn and I can make eye contact. I nod once, my attention instantly returning to the gay-Shakespearian nightmare playing out on the stage in front of me. 

“Matt “M” Shadows has RECENT carnal knowledge of our little TJ up there, Adam either knew or at least SUSPECTED because he looks green with envy, Frankie has no idea his friend has been touching another man’s dick, Bradley set this up on purpose and is proud as fuck of it, TJ is wishing he were dead at this very minute and Jake? That boy, even though he is doing his best to try and keep his thoughts to himself—is trying to figure out how many more movies he will have to make to pay for the L.A. lawyer he is gonna have to hire to dump that little shit…”

“Marilyn!”

From the stage, we hear Frankie’s voice rising. “…brings you here? I mean, I thought your tour was gonna head out to the U.K. next…” 

“Aaaahhh…” Matt sends a smile towards Jake, who returns it was surprising warmth. “…Syn took a bad fall last week, and he needs surgery. Looks like I’m gonna have a few weeks free, so I called Brad…” 

Brad lifts his eyes at his name, a smirk sliding into place. “He called me to ask if there was any place to get into trouble in L.A.” Everyone but Frankie and Jake turns their gaze towards TJ, who instantly starts fidgeting with his hair, his gaze lowering. “I told him I knew where the trouble he was looking for was hiding out these days…”

Everyone’s attention shifts back towards the stage door again as Zacky Vengeance walks onto the stage screaming “What the actual fuck, Brad? Can’t I get into trouble, too? Or did you invite me along just to referee…” I’m not sure who squeals like a little girl the loudest—Zacky, Frankie or Marilyn, who bolts out of his seat towards the stage at breakneck speed…

There goes my Sherlock Homes! Now I’m stuck figuring this out on my own…

When I glance once again towards TJ, I notice that Adam now looks as uncomfortable as Teej does…or maybe worse. Zacky hugs Frankie and Marilyn, then makes a beeline for Jake, shaking his hand with a tight grip. “Dude! It’s an honor. I love your movies!” Jake stands gracefully, returning Zacky’s handshake and making small talk, while Brad and Frank usher Matt in the direction of the others. Matt shakes hands with Adam, muttering something that I cannot hear, but whatever it is—for a quick second, Adam’s expression turns to one of rage, then hurt. 

Zacky eventually turns his attention towards TJ and Adam, talking to them briefly (and stiffly, I may add—no guilt there!) before Marilyn asks in a loud tone “So are the two of you here to take your clothes off?” Everyone except for Frankie freeze in place for a moment before they realize Marilyn was referring to the show. It seems the very stage itself takes a collective breath as Marilyn continues in a joking tone. “Or are the two of you simply here to be bodyguards?”

Wow…overshare without a word being spoken. Good job, Marilyn!

“BOTH!” Zacky bellows out in his rough voice. Wrapping his arm around Matt’s shoulders, the two look at Jake as Zacky states “C’mon, Jake! We DAMN sexy, even if those rich stuck-up dames won’t admit it out loud! We…” Zacky turns his head towards Matt a second, who nods once, a serious look passing between the two of them before Zacky continues. “…just want to help, is all. We will do whatever you want.” Before Jake can answer, a familiar voice calls out from the aisle leading to the stage on my right side.

“This old man and his friends feel the same way.” 

Adam beautiful face freezes in disbelief for a second as Brian May climbs the stairs to the stage, his fluffy looking mane of white hair bouncing as he walks. He is accompanied by Nick Carter and Darren Hayes, who are both smiling brightly as the three make their way over to Jake.

 

***How do we take back?  
What’s been done? What’s been said? Oh my…  
How do we take back?  
‘Cause no one wins, when love breaks down,  
We both die  
And I would give anything  
Just to chase the dark away & start all over again  
How do we take back?  
What’s been done, what’s been said? Oh my…***

 

I have known Adam a long, long time. I have seen all sides of him…diva—loving family man—conceited asshole—sad, lost little boy—caring best friend…but I NEVER thought I would look at Adam and see what I’m seeing now…

He’s done it. HE'S FUCKED THEM ALL…

Brian, Zacky, Darren, Nick…and who the FUCK knows how many others…

I could stand up in a court of law, place my hand on a bible and SWEAR that Adam fucked those four men. I could do it, because I know Adam so well. 

Adam stands up from his chair, his face as white as the sheets that are attached to Jake’s clipboard. Mumbling something to TJ, Adam looks up and locks eyes with me for a moment…

And he knows I know. I can read it in his eyes, even from this distance. And suddenly I feel just as sick to my stomach as Adam does…  
Jake’s gaze flickers from me, to Adam and then to me again, and I try to give him a look that says that everything is fine. I know, I can FEEL that he doesn’t believe it any more than I do.

 

***I fed you a fantasy but you’ve been drunk on reality  
All you want is to be wanted  
As long as you get it out of me  
We used to be a jungle, sticky and wild  
It used to be we owned the night  
All the stupid games we play   
And all the shit that we’ve been sayin’***

 

Adam takes a deep breath and steps forward, shaking hands with and greeting Brian, Darren and Nick as casually as if they had run into each other at a bar. Jake’s eyes glaze over for a second, his body stiffing slightly when he hears Adam implore his…fuck buddies, former lovers…?...to “come meet my husband.” 

 

***Remember, remember—the first time we collided?  
We lost it…we lost it…***

 

My eyes lock with Marilyn’s for a moment as I struggle to find my breath. Marilyn nods slightly, his lips moving to form a silent question.

“Where’s Brad?” 

I snap out of my stupor when I hear an evil laugh float through the air, and I catch a departing view of Brad’s backside as it disappears through the stage door.


	21. Chapter 21

*Tower of Babel is fallin’ down again, information disarray  
I don’t know who I should believe in, everybody’s an authority  
Fragments don’t count, they always end up fallin’ through the cracks  
Don’t think out loud, cause once outside your mouth can’t take it back  
Broken English—Adam Lambert

 

Tommy’s POV—his internal thoughts while Adam’s ‘men’ are being introduced to Jake onstage…

What the actual fuck? 

I’m sitting here watching Jake smile and shake hands with six men, each having the distinction of having sex within the last three years with one of his husbands. How the fuck can he do this, be so calm and collected when Adam and I are falling apart? This has been the most painful experience that I can remember for a long time—since Jake was operated on after saving my life, and we almost lost him, not once but three times. I haven’t thought back to that day for a long time…maybe that’s my fucking problem. I’m no longer that version of Tommy, the one that knew what he wanted, knew who he was (or so I thought) and which direction he was going. 

Ok, I admit it…I DID put myself and my desires before my marriage, before the men I love. I’ve been selfish and uncaring, and instead of facing my issues, I’ve fuckin’ chosen to hide like a child.

When in the fuck did I turn into this creature? (and yes…creature is the word for it.) A REAL man owns up to his shit. He doesn’t hide behind a warm body or a bottle…or both. So yeah, creature is the word for what I’ve become, and I’m not fucking proud of it. But where the fuck do I go from here? 

And Adam? He knew about Matt, I told him the morning after it happened…for the second time. I was chicken shit to tell Adam when it happened the first time, and Jake was filming on a closed set, so I didn’t say anything right away. But the second morning I opened my bloodshot eyes and stared directly into Matt’s green eyes I knew…I couldn’t do this again. And I needed to tell my husbands about my ‘wayward ways.’ Hell, who was I kidding? I couldn’t even tell Marilyn!

I called Jake, but the second I saw his sweet face on the other side of the screen—I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t break his heart. So I made up some fucking excuse to get off of Skype early and then I called Adam. I poured my heart out to him, and he didn’t even get mad. He told me he understood the loneliness of the road and my reluctance to admit my shortcomings (as in my doubts about parenthood) to Jake.  
Now I know why Adam was so nice to me then! The fucker is guiltier than I am! Watching his face melt when he watched his four fuck buddies enter the theatre was like watching Vincent Price’s face melt in the horror movie Tales of Terror. I’ve never seen Adam look uglier…but then again, I must have looked the same to him when I told him about Matt.

And here’s Jake, taking the high road as usual. No real surprise there. I know that he’s had a lot of practice holding in his thoughts and emotions as a kid. The only thing that I can say is that, whenever he decides to let loose on Adam and me, it will NOT be pretty! And dealing with Raja (and Marilyn too)…oh fuck, my ass is in DEEP SHIT!

ANYWAYS…enough about Adam and my collective fuck-ups! Back to the auditions…

OF COURSE, fuckin’ Kell ends up coming to the rescue! Shortly after Adam’s “unholy four” arrived Kell walked in with a group of the sexiest men (besides my husbands, of course!) that I have EVER seen! Taylor Kinney, Dave Annable, Tyler Hoechlin, Ricky Martin, Matt Bomer…holy hell! So many introductions, so many handshakes, so many conversations at once! Jake finally ends up calling everyone to attention and fills them in on his plans for the next couple of shows, then passes around a sign-up sheet. He asks everyone to write down when they will be available for the tour, and then thanks everyone for coming down. When Taylor asks if Jake wants to see everyone audition, Jake replies “Nah, if ya’ll dance half as well as you look, I’m golden!” Everyone chuckles but when I glance at Adam, I see that he’s thinking the same thing that I am—the last thing he wants to see right now are his husband’s lovers dancing half (or completely) naked. 

The second that Jake breaks up the audition I watch Kell strut over to Jake and lead him away by the arm to the back of the stage. Out of the main stage lights, I notice Jake’s face beginning to turn pale as Kell whispers something in his ear. I can’t help myself—all the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. Stupid fucker! I’d like to take Kell out to the parking lot and run over him with my car! 

I watch Jake nod his head and wrap his arms around Kell’s waist, squeezing Kell tightly as Raja joins them from the opposite direction. People begin crowding around me—I hear fragments of conversations but I can’t seem to focus on anything but Jake and Kell. I watch Raja says something but Jake, who raises a hand as if to ward him off, shaking his head without making eye contact. Raja glances over at Kell as he tries again, moving even closer as Jake retreats a few steps, dragging Kell back with him. Suddenly I can’t take it anymore—I make my way over to them before I even realize I’ve taken a step. I hear Adam call my name behind me but I ignore him.

I stop a few paces from Jake just in time to hear Raja ask “Are you sure, honey? I mean, you can stay with me if you’d rather…” 

Jake cuts off Raja’s comment, his head lowering until we can barely hear him answer “No thank you, Raja. I am going to crash at Kell’s tonight. The last thing I want to do is talk about all of this right now…”

Yeah, I’m an asshole— I must ‘poke the bear’ because I have no idea how to keep my mouth shut! I glare at Kell while blurting out “Jake? I just want to…”

The next thing I know, I am being dragged and slammed into the back wall of the theater…and not by Kell, but by my husband. It happens so fast that I hardly take notice of the large pieces of scenery that now blocks my view of the others (what a fucking time to finally have privacy with my husband!) as Jake’s hands twist and tighten in my shirt, lifting me upward until the toes of my shoes barely brush the ground. Jake lowers his head until the two of us are eye to eye, the hands holding me up beginning to tremble with rage. In a soft voice, too soft for the situation, Jake snarls out “Do you remember Father Wells, TJ? The nice priest that married us?” Jake’s voice starts to leak the rage traveling though his body as he pulls me forward and then slams me back against the wall, my head banging back so hard I’m beginning to see stars. “…well you better call him, honey. I’m sure he will give you a discount on your funeral if you schedule in advance.” I feel the air start to leave my body as Jake yanks his hands up hard, both fists connecting with my throat with full force. The next second I am laying on the stage, my dazed expression still connected with his. I watch through a fog as Raja attempts to pull Jake away from me, but Jake easily shakes off Raja’s grip. 

My unfocused eyes are searching for something stable, something familiar—and unfortunately, they connect with Kell’s gaze. My chest burns as I stare into his unforgiving gaze, the corners of his mouth turned up at the ends in an amused grin. I’m sure he is loving every second of the beatdown by husband is currently giving me. 

Jake reaches down for me, pulling me upright again as his right fist connects with my sternum. I feel more than hear the crack of bone as he hits me once, twice. Tears shine in the dim light as they run down Raja’s face as she begs Jake to stop, to just leave.

I take a jagged, broken breath as I watch Kell reach out his hand, gently placing it on Jake’s arm. From across the room I hear both Leila and my mother, both asking where I am. Jake turns his head to give Kell a quick glance, his voice rising slightly as he barks out “FINE!” before reaching down to raise my chin upward with one large hand. My eyesight wavering, I take in my husband’s looming form as I hear him hiss out “You and Adam better stay the FUCK away from me, or both of you will end up in a worse state by the time I’m through with you! I’M DONE WITH BOTH OF YOU!”

I watch Raja run off towards the others as Kell wraps his arm around Jake, leading him towards the stage door to my right. Kell glances back just long enough to give me a wide smirk.

 

 

Jake’s POV:

I don’t remember Kellan driving me to his place. All I am aware of is the fact that my right wrist hurts like hell and I feel so drained. The car pulls to a stop as the clang of the security gate behind us snaps me out of my daze. “We’re here, Jake. Let’s go.” I woodenly open the door and pull myself to my feet, automatically following Kellan to the elevator that takes us to the penthouse flat that he acquired a few months ago. I’ve never been here before but the last thing I want right now is a tour of his new place. The only things I want are bottles of alcohol and a bed so I can sleep this fucked up day away…

I stumble out onto the balcony, my hands gripping the railing so tightly I feel the blood drain from my fingertips. 

“Here…” I look over my shoulder to see a tumbler being shoved in my direction. “…sorry, the only ‘hard stuff’ I have is tequila.” I grunt my thanks before draining the glass without thinking, handing it back to Kellan, who quirks an eyebrow at me. “You do realize that you have just thrown back approximately $38 in tequila, if we were in a bar…” 

“More.”

“Jake…”

“I said MORE, damn it!” Kellan snorts his amusement as he slides the balcony door open again, yelling over his shoulder as he walks back into the apartment. “Just don’t jump while I’m gone!” I turn my attention back to the traffic below, the buildings that stretch out in front of me into the twilight. Now why in the fuck would I want to jump? I’ve got too much anger, too much to live for…

“This is your LAST, Jake.” I slam back the last two shots Kell hands me, which is just enough liquor to feel my anger begin to fade around the edges. But my anger is instantly replaced with panic as I realize that my phone is missing from my pocket.

A smirk nearly splits Kell’s face at the realization that I’m searching for my phone, which is suddenly held in front of my face. “Gimme, Kellan! I need to check…”

“Nothing! You need to check nothing.” The phone disappears as quickly as it appeared, right back into the back pocket of Kell’s skintight jeans. How the fuck does he manage to stuff ANYTHING into those jeans? Uhhhh…maybe that last shot was a bit too much…

Trailing Kell (and my phone) back into his living room I mumble “C’mon, Kell…” I reach out to snag my phone back, my hand accidently touching the back of Kell’s thigh, causing him to jump at the sudden contact before swatting my hand away. Damn, my depth perception is off! “NO Jake! I will not have you sitting here taking calls designed to make you feel bad for what happened today.” I watch him leave the room quickly, his bare feet softly shuffling across the bare floors leading to what I assume is his bedroom. Part of me wants to follow, to wrestle him for my phone so I can get the initial onslaught of guilt over with. I know that I’m bound to get a lot of shit for my treatment of TJ earlier.

My attention is instead drawn to a wall that vaguely reminds me of the pictures in Sophie’s living room. The wall is covered with pictures of Kellan with past co-workers, Kellan and his sister (who I met on set of our last movie), his parents…but there is one, a very old one that really catches my attention. It’s grainy and yellowing around the edges, obviously taken on a back patio of a bar at night. Kellan is standing under a spotlight, his arm around a gorgeous young man dressed in an AC/DC shirt and tight jeans, who is turned towards Kell. There is something…familiar about the look that this young man is giving Kellan. It’s the same look that Adam, Tommy and I are giving each other in our wedding pictures. Kellan? He looks very happy, his smirking smile practically splitting his face in two. And even though he is facing the camera full on, it is easy to see that the young man next to him is the reason for that smile.

“…I put your damn phone in my wall safe. I’ll give it back to you tomorrow morning, I promise. I just want you to…where are you?” 

“Over here.” Kell slowly walks over to me, coming to a halt at my side. I turn my head slightly, my eyes meeting his. I’m surprised to see Kellan take a deep breath, his expression tense and guarded. “Who’s that young man with you in this one?” I watch Kell take another deep breath before mumbling “No one special. C’mon, let’s order you some food so you can get a good night’s sleep for once…”

“No” 

“No?” Kellan gives me a challenging look designed to scare me into following his orders. Instead I turn towards him, mirroring the young man in the picture as I state “You know all about my life, Kell. I want to know more about yours. Who is he?”

Kellan glances down at the floor as he mumbles “No one, Jake. Just…an old friend, is all. No one special. I’m not even sure why I still have that one up on the wall.” Kellan reaches up and pulls the picture off the wall, his motion so swift and violent that the nail the photo was hanging on flies halfway across the room, bouncing off the floor and sliding to land against the far wall. I watch Kell storm over towards a small garbage can in the corner, watch him drop the framed photo into the can before turning back to me with a fake smile. “So…what DO you want for dinner?”


	22. Chapter 22

Kell:

 

I’m standing in a room full of Victorian bedroom furniture, all black and red velvet and lace. I am dressed only in leather pants, my chest and feet bare. The room is dimly lit, my eyes having a hard time adjusting to the near darkness. I take a quick look around and discover that I am alone, at least I think I am. Where is everyone? How did I get here?

I cross the room, place my hand on the door knob and try to turn it. Locked. Bending down I notice that the door is one of those old-fashioned kinds, you know—that need a skeleton key? I glance around the vicinity of the door—no key. I feel my way over to what feels like a dresser in the shadows, my fingertips gently brushing over the top. Nothing. One by one I open the drawers, my hands gingerly shuffling under what feels like lace and silk clothing. Still no key.

I make my way over to the bed, my hands out in front of me. I run my hands over the bed posts, hoping to find a key hanging there. 

Nothing. 

My frustration begins to grow as I systematically search the rest of the room to no avail. Returning to the door, I try the knob again before pounding my fist on the door, my voice full of growing anger as I call out for help.

Still nothing. 

From behind me I hear a male voice. “Are you SURE you want to leave, Kellan?”

I turn around and make my way once again to the bed, my hand reaching out until it contacts one of the bed posts once again. “Who are…”

“I asked you a question, Kellan. Are you SURE you want to leave?” 

From far away I begin to hear knocking, as if someone is trying to enter this realm where I am. I turn back in the direction in which I heard the voice, once again asking “Who are…”

“You hold the key, Kellan. You just need to know what you want.”

I reach out with both hands until they connect with the duvet. The distant knocking continues, this time accompanied by voices that sound distorted, stressed. I run my hands over the velvet, hoping to find someone, anyone. I call out “Where are you?”

“I’m here, Kellan. I’m here to help you. But you are the one who holds the key to all your wants and dreams. Why do you fight it so?”

My body slowly begins to float towards the ceiling. I kick my feet and punch out with my hands, so desperate am I to stay in the room. From deep in my soul I know I must discover who is speaking to me, find out how they know so much about me. But just when my head should be hitting the ceiling of the room, I realize that there is no ceiling, just open space. The knocking and voices become louder as I hear the voice from the room whisper “I’m always here, Kellan. Come back and visit me. I get so lonely here…”

I open my eyes. I feel my heart hammering, my stomach churning as if on the verge of throwing up. My eyes take in the room around me—I’m in my room, not the room of my dream. 

And that damn knocking keeps getting louder! 

I sigh heavily as I slowly drag my ass out of bed and head towards the sound with only one eye open. Why in the fuck is there a throbbing behind my fucking eyes? Oh yeah…I smirk to myself as I remember the three bottles of tequila that Jake and I polished off last night…

“Who the fuck is it?” I growl out, the knuckles of both index fingers doing their very best to gouge out my eye balls through closed eyes.

“Open up! We know Jake’s here!”

Female voices. Most likely Jake’s mothers-in-law, whom I’ve never met before. Fucking fantastic. From the living room I hear Jake grumble “Open the door, Kell. They’ll knock all day if you don’t…”

I fling the door open against my better judgment, one eye opening a crack. I plaster on my best “Captain Jack Sparrow smile” and comment in a genteel voice “Good morning, ladies! What brings you to my humble home…”

“Can it, Luntz! Where is he?” Dia Ratliff charges at me, almost setting me on my ass as she tries to shove past me in a rage. I glance over her shoulder and make eye contact with Leila Lambert, who is glaring at me, her lips pursed in disapproval. It is only then that I realize that I am standing in the doorway to my apartment in only a skimpy pair of sleep shorts. 

Fuck my life…

Dia comes to a halt in front of an equally disrobed and disoriented Jake, who is now standing in my foyer mumbling something under his breath that sounds like a cross between a Catholic mass prayer and an apology. Dia quickly reaches out and slaps Jake across the face, both of her hands then anchoring firmly on her hips in a gesture of motherly disdain. “That’s for sending my son to the hospital.” Another slap, then another come in quick succession as Dia growls out “That’s for breaking his ribs, and THAT’S for cheating on him…”

Without thinking I rush up next to Dia, Leila hot on my heels. “HEY…HEY HEY!” Great, now I sound like the fucking Beatles…or Fat Albert! I glare down at Dia, my hands resting on my hips in a comic mirrored image of her. “WE did NOT sleep together! I am NOT your son…” Pain blooms through my right cheek, the sound of flesh on flesh loud in the room seconds after Dia’s hand connects with my cheek. “Watch your mouth…” Leila glides silently around me, coming to a stop between the two of us. Leila raises one hand in the air to block the next shot from Dia, her expression serious. “We did NOT come here to physically fight either of them, Dia! We came here to get Jake’s side of the story…

“We did?” Dia snarls out. “The way he…” she points to Jake, who is standing silently in shock, his left hand holding his cheek “…let Tommy tell his story, before beating him up?”

I have never raised a hand to a woman in my entire life. My mother instilled (before preschool) the idea that women were to be treated like fine glass—to be handled with care. When I pushed a girl on the playground when I was four years old, my mother dragged me by my ear to our car and took away my favorite toys for the rest of the week. Right now? I’d GIVE you my Trans Am, if only I could push Dia over my balcony railing! But of course, my mother’s voice is whispering in my ear, telling me to behave and “be a good boy,” so instead of committing murder I plaster on another smile while trying to sound friendly. “Look, why don’t we take this standoff into the living room, so I can shut the door. In this age of technology, we could be on TMZ in seconds. My neighbors are gathering…” Sure enough, a cursory glance from all four of us proves my words to be true. One guy in jogging gear, the young couple in robes from across the hall and a lady carrying a purse-sized dog who just happens to have her cell phone tilted our way are all staring at us as they slowly wander by. 

It takes both Leila and I to convince Dia to move into the apartment, but once we are in my living room I notice that her attention is immediately drawn to the couch, which is still haphazardly covered with pillows, blankets and sheets. I notice Dia glance from Jake to myself and then back to Jake, who raises an eyebrow, his hands outstretched. “I TOLD you I didn’t sleep with Kell last night! I slept on his couch. I didn’t lie to you, Dia! But after yesterday…” I notice Jake’s hands begin to tremor as the color slowly drains from his face. I rush to my kitchen, frantic to find something for Jake to eat before his sugar crashes. I run back into the living room and hand Jake an apple, a bagel and a glass of milk. “Here Jake…before you get sick.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Leila give me a strange look, her head tilting slightly to the side. What did she just take out of my gesture? That I’m mothering Jake, or I’m showing something more? Jake gratefully takes the apple from my hand and takes a few bites, while I place the rest on my coffee table.

Twenty minutes later (all bedding piled in the corner, the four of us sitting on my living room couch in a huddle that I’m sure must be comparable to the worst Cold War roundtable talks from the 1960’s) Jake and I are no closer to calming Dia down than when she arrived at my apartment. Jake gave his mothers-in-law his side of the story, even filling them in on the audition yesterday. “I know that you both are going to think that I’m crazy, but I know for a fact that I am right. I know that Adam and Tommy Joe have both cheated on me! Hell, their very reaction when those men arrived gave them away! Who needs a confession?” 

Leila, always the voice of reason (or should I say, the less of a ‘loose cannon’ of the two women—at least she listens BEFORE freaking out!) chides “Now Jake, you know that is NOT true!” Jake’s chest puffs out, his hands begin to gesture as his mouth opens with a retort, but Leila cuts him off before he can begin. “You wouldn’t want anyone making judgements…” Leila glances at Dia, who softly snorts, her expression quickly locking with mine. I give her back look after look, refusing to back down as Leila continues her thought. “…on YOU that way, would you? I mean…what just happened here…” 

Jake straightens his shoulders and shifts forward to the end of the couch, his body turning to face Leila head on. Jake clears his throat and states in a clear voice “With all respect, Leila…when your relationship with Eber went…bad…you KNEW long before you confronted each other, right?” The expression on Leila’s face proves Jake correct. Hollywood is a small place—everyone has heard the story of how the Lamberts ended up in divorce court. How ironic that Adam seems incapable of keeping his fly zipped—like father, like son…

Dia swiftly reaches out to slap Jake’s cheek but I intercept her hand, holding her wrist snuggly to make a point but doing so without hurting her. But my tone is pure acid as I say “Mrs. Ratliff, I understand that you are very upset that your son was injured yesterday, and that you are extremely frustrated with your son-in-law. But if you insist on raising your hand to ANYONE in my home again, I will throw you over my shoulder and walk you to your car. I say that with no disrespect, even though you INSIST on disrespecting Jake and I with your actions. I have simply given Jake a haven in which to think through his marriage. I am not here to take advantage of him at this low time in his life, nor am I trying to entice him into a life of sin.” I glance over at Jake at this point—and notice that he is blushing. How cute… “I am his friend, nothing more and nothing less. I just wish you would try to understand…” After that, the four of us sit in silence for a few minutes, all of us avoiding eye contact. I hear my cell phone ring in my bedroom, so I excuse myself and run to answer it.

“Darling?” I hear silverware clanging and low voices, and suddenly I realize that I’m starving—Jake had breakfast but I didn’t. “…where the fuck HAVE you been? I tried to call you to meet me for brunch but…” 

“Where are you?

“Well hello to you too, motherfucker!” Jason laughs, his tone much too bright for so early in the day. (SIDE NOTE: Jason has been my best friend since 3rd grade, when I beat up two bullies who cornered Jason outside school and stole his backpack. He is my Bradley—feminine as the day is long and too fierce for his own good.) “I’m at the Grande Folle for brunch, come join me! It has been WAY too long since I’ve laid eyes on that beautiful body of yours, Boo…”

I think back to the scene of silence that I just left in my living room moments ago and reach for my jeans. “I’ll be there in fifteen or so, hon. Save me a seat.” 

Two minutes later I return to the others, who are still sitting in silence. Time to shake things up a bit…

“Here, Jake.” I hand Jake’s cell phone and a spare key to Jake, who startles out of his thoughts long enough to take them from me. I glance at all three of them in turn while softly commenting “I have to leave for a while. You are welcome to stay and talk as long as you wish. Please help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Jake?” He raises his head to make eye contact with me. “Might as well take the opportunity to talk it all out, huh?” Jake nods once, his expression blank. “I’ll see you later.” I turn my gaze first on Leila, then Dia before respectfully nodding. “Ladies, I wish we could have met on better circumstances. Goodbye.” I hear both ladies mumble their goodbyes as I make way out the door for my second grilling of the day.

 

The second I walk into the restaurant I hear Jason squeal. It’s not hard to spot him from across the room—he’s as tall and regal as Raja but even more beautiful, with his lavender-colored shoulder length hair and ebony skin glowing in the sunlight from the windows behind him. Jason has modeled internationally for over two decades now—in an industry where your name can be forgotten in a second. He has remained at the top of his field and he never lets his competition forget it. Sometimes I feel as if I am the only one who can manage to break through his ice queen image, the only one who knows the REAL Jason. 

I brought Jason’s name up to Raja and Brad one evening when I first met them. We were all out to dinner with Jake and when Jason was mentioned, Raja made a face as if someone had farted directly under his nose, while Brad commented in a bored voice “Oh, THAT fish…” I never mentioned Jason again.

I can’t help but blush as Jason stands up, circling the table to give me a greeting that would be worthy of a returning warrior—hugs, kisses and a stray tear or two. Now I know how Jake must’ve felt meeting Brad for the first time! Some of the other diners and a few of the wait staff flash me a look of jealousy as I take my seat. If only they knew how unsettled Jason’s greetings always make me feel! I may be used to having eyes on me, but Jason makes it a point to ensure that everyone knows I’m in the room and it makes me nervous, as if I’m auditioning for a part. But after we order and drink our first round of mimosas, Jason goes in for the kill.

“So, Kelly (his pet name for me since 7th grade) ...when do I get to meet your new boyfriend?” I nearly drop my garlic bread in my lap in shock. “Oh, don’t pose with me, I know better! I’ve seen the photos and Jake is DREAMY, darling! Bravo for finally finding someone! I mean, it’s been so long since Drew…”

I grab my napkin from my lap and hastily wipe it across my mouth before giving my hands a cursory wipe, then throwing the napkin down on the table as if it hurt my feelings. Before I even take a chance to think my feet are shuffling under me and I stand so quickly, I’m sure that if I took the time to look around the room, I would find that all eyes were on me. But before I can manage to push back my chair and storm out of the room, Jason has both hands clutching my arm. “Oh darling, sit down! Don’t cause a scene…” I glance around to see every eye (discretely or otherwise) focused on my swift reaction to our conversation. Damn him! Now I know that Jason set up this public brunch so that in the end I would only have two choices—storm out and embarrass myself, or be forced to sit here with a smile on my face while my non-existent love life is grilled to the 8th degree.

Well…at least option #2 includes good food…

I slowly sit back down and rearrange my napkin in my lap before taking a deep breath. When my eyes meet Jason’s, I see a hint of victory which is quickly masked by a sincere look of concern. “Kelly? I’m…” The waiter approaches our table with our second round of mimosas, giving me the opportunity to slyly ask “So how is the world of modeling, darling?”

We make it to desert before Jason runs out of stories about his recent modeling jobs. “Kelly, I know that you do not wish me to bring up Drew…” 

I keep my eyes locked on the tabletop, my hands clenched into fists that are resting on my thighs. “So, don’t. Simple concept, isn’t it?”

“Fucker.” There is no anger, no reproof in the word, only affection. “It has been too long since I’ve seen you smile.”

“Smile?” I raise an eyebrow at Jason as I spoon another mouthful of chocolate cake into my mouth. “I smile all the time.”

“Yeah, that crooked little smirk designed to prove you’re a sexy muscle-bound God. Which you are.” I flash the very grin that Jason just mentioned, just to be a prick. Jason drops his spoon in aggravation, his hands landing on his hips in a perfect imitation of Dia from this morning. “C’mon, Kelly! I’m being serious!” I watch Jason’s eyes fill with tears and instantly feel horrible. Unlike Brad, Jason does not use tears as subterfuge. I take Jason’s hand in mine, squeezing tightly as I softly say “Boo, calm down please. I’m sorry that I’ve been such a bastard, but Drew is not…a topic I wish to discuss…”

Jason squeezes back, the steady pressure comforting. “Difficult or not, Kelly, you NEED to discuss him! And he was NOT a topic, he was your BOYFRIEND for four years! Have you forgotten that, Kell?” Tears fill my eyes before I can even begin to hold them back. “No, I haven’t forgotten Drew or what he meant to me! But…” I pull my hand away from Jason’s and reach in my back pocket for my wallet. Opening it, I pull out three $20 bills and throw them on the table, my eyes refusing to meet Jason’s again. “I love you, Boo. And I know that Drew was your best friend, and you miss him as much as I do. But I can’t do this now.” I stand up slowly, pausing over Jason who seems frozen in his seat, his expression showing frustration and despair. I move forward, bending to take Jason in my arms for a hug which he does not return. Why does this have to be so fucking hard? I want to take both our pain away but it seems that all I do is fuck up, like always. Shit, if it wasn’t for me, it would be Drew sitting here having a nice brunch, instead of me. That’s the way it should’ve been…Drew should have lived, not me…

I kiss Jason on the forehead, whispering “I’ll call you soon, Jay. I promise.” Jason’s head snaps up, tear tracks shining in the low light of the restaurant as he replies “Yea, of course. Hold on to Jake, Kelly.” I nod in response, my throat tightening too much to answer. I make my way around my chair and start to walk away as I hear him call out…

“…you never know when he might slip through your fingers...”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4th everyone (if you celebrate it or not!) 
> 
> Here are some fireworks for you! Sorry this chapter is so short, but I think you will agree, sometimes cliffhangers are appropriate! And a special thanks to Gemi for the one-liner...love you babes! I also thought that Frank's lyrics were perfect for this chapter.
> 
> xoxo

“Sometimes we miss old friends, until we remember we weren’t friends.  
You see, treachery in memories always takes a different spin…until it happens again and again.  
And it’s that time again, you’re just in time to break me down.  
You said you want my pain? So I gave you pain.  
I’ll give you pain, until it’s gone. 

They Wanted Darkness—Frank Iero and the Patience (from the CD Parachutes)

 

Brad sighed deeply as he steps out of the elevator. Learning to DJ was a wonderful new way to gain club attention, but after six hours, he was tired. Brad believed in keeping things fresh, no matter which genre of art, writing, acting or music he happened to be delving into for the moment. Since ‘club-techno’ was the music that he was releasing next, Brad hoped to get his name in the scene before his CD release date two months down the road. Besides—DJ’ing events also meant free drinks, a paycheck and the attention of the best-looking men in the club scene. Not a bad evening out in the long run…

Walking into his apartment Brad knew immediately something was wrong. A light was on in his living room, one that he rarely ever used. The smell of men’s cologne was so strong that he felt his throat begin to close a bit, and the sound of someone pacing made his heart race. What the actual fuck? Brad straightened his shoulders and gripped his cell phone tighter as he stormed into the living room to meet his intruder head-on.

The second he rounded the wall connecting his living and dining areas, Brad felt all the blood in his face begin to drain. 

Adam. Adam? What the fuck? Brad holds his phone close to his side as he quickly unlocks the screen, then activates an app, his thumb tapping a few times before squaring his shoulders in preparation for verbal battle. 

“Get the fuck out, Addy. You don’t live here anymore, remember? Or has your recent string of men and alcohol caused you to forget what year it is and who you’re living with? Or...” Brad lifts his chin in a direct challenge. “…are you waiting for an appointment at the no-cost AIDS Clinic down the street?” Adam’s eyes narrow in irritation. Normally Brad would back down at this sign from his ex, but he can’t help but add in a snarky tone “I understand that they fill up early in the morning, so you better leave now to get a good spot in line. But honestly? The way you’ve been acting, I think you should go to the Spay and Neuter Clinic instead…”

“Very funny! Fuck you, Brad!” Adam turns on his heel and gracefully stomps (yes, Brad must take two seconds to contemplate how Adam manages to look so fucking graceful all the time, even in sky-high boots that his height does not demand) till he is looming over Brad. “Why did you do it, huh? Why did you have to…”?

“…WHY??” Brad screams, his phone accidently slipping from his hand. Instinct kicks in as he places both hands in the center of Adam’s chest and pushes as hard as he can. It’s a holdover from when they lived together—in every fight they had (and there were many) Adam liked to stand over Brad to intimidate him, to make him back down. Seems as if nothing ever changes… ”Why did you cheat on Jake and TJ?” Brad pushes hard once again, this time managing to shove a stunned Adam back about a foot, giving Brad a chance to pick his phone up off the floor and place it on his coffee table. Brad then turns on his heel and heads to the kitchen, Adam following close behind. “Why did you feel the need to cheat on ME, Addy?” Yanking the refrigerator door open, Brad grabs a bottle of water. After taking a few pills from his pocket, Brad swallows the pills and then slams the water bottle on the counter. “Why do you cheat on every man you love, Addy?”

“What were those pills?” Adam’s voice is still pissed, but concern creeps in around the edges. “Brad, if you got those from the club…” 

“…it doesn’t matter what they are, Addy…ANSWER the QUESTIONS!” Pure acid begins to leak through. “You cheated on me, over and over until I walked away. THEN you portrayed me as a home wrecker to your fans, saying that I was the one who spurned your love, who wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, who left you broken on the floor. ME!” Hurt, disbelief and rage glow from within Brad’s eyes so strongly that Adam must turn away. “I loved you SO FUCKING MUCH that I let you make yourself a martyr, let you vilify me to my friends, my coworkers, your family, my family—even as it all made me famous. FAMOUS!” Adam follows Brad back to the living room, this time choosing to stand across the room from him. “Sure, I was famous…for being your ex, the one who will be FOREVER labeled the man who hurt poor Addy Lambert! WHY DID YOU DO IT, ADDY? WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH IN BED FOR YOU? Did you just stop loving me—OR DID YOU NEVER LOVE ME AT ALL?”

Adam slowly tries to circle around the room towards Brad, the same way someone would approach a wild animal. Brad, wary of Adam’s every attempt in his direction, eventually moves to the back of the kitchen, which is a straight shot to the front door. He highly doubts that Addy will do anything to hurt him…but one can ever truly be sure of what Adam Lambert would do. 

In a soft voice Adam begins “Braddy, I…never set out to hurt you. Hell, I’ve never really gotten over you, not after all this time.” Brad leans his back against the kitchen island, his arms crossing over his chest and his head cocked to the side, eyebrow raised in criticism. “We were so good together. I knew that you wanted to make us permanent, long term. I panicked.” Brad snorts, shaking his head. “No shit, Addy! But most people who freak out over relationships are NOT found the next morning in the arms of their boyfriend’s best friend! What, it’s easier to distract yourself with fucking than to face facts…”

“YES!” Adam screams out, his arms swinging widely. “Replace fun with long-term responsibility, FUCK YEAH it’s easier! But you need to remember…” Brad feels the hair on the back of his neck begin to rise with each passing second. Here come the excuses. ”…we were both young. Neither of us were making steady money and we both lived for the club scene. Besides…” Adam slowly steps up to Brad’s side, one hand gently landing on Brad’s forearm. “…back then I traveled all the time with my singing gigs. It would have been unfair to leave you alone so much…”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP ADDY!” Brad shakes off Adam’s touch roughly, hurt glowing from his sad eyes. “You couldn’t tell the truth if your life depended on it!” Brad seems to shrink into himself, somehow looking smaller and more fragile than he really is. A voice in the back of his mind whispers to Adam “Look at him. You’ve done this to him, it’s all your fault.” “People with jobs travel all the time but THEY MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WORK! If you REALLY loved me…” Brad shakes his head as if waking up from a bad dream. “Enough about me. What about Jake and Tommy?” When Adam doesn’t answer right him right away Brad tries again. “So much time had passed since us. You became famous and I thought that you had grown up, that you were beyond cheating on your partners.” Adam looks down at his feet in guilt. “I guess you just managed to do a better job at hiding what you were doing. If I had any idea that you were still up to your old tricks, you can bet your sweet ass that I would have told the two of them what they had in store for them if they married you!” Adam tries to offer his ready-made excuses but Brad cuts him off again, his tone of voice even sharper than before. “And poor Jake! He is such a wonderful man. He has been through pure hell the majority his life, yet he still manages to trust and love people. He doesn’t deserve the hell you have put him through! You knew what Jake wanted out of life before you committed yourself to him forever, but you STILL married him! If living a life of growing old with your partners and a kid or two isn’t what you want, why didn’t you simply tell him and file for divorce, instead of destroying him? I’m sure there are plenty of men who would…”

“NO!” Adam snarls, his wrinkled forehead a perfect backdrop to his scowl at Brad’s words. “Jake is mine and…”

“What? Possessive much?” Adam once again tries to touch Brad, who once again moves out of Adam’s reach. “I used to find that alluring—how possessive you were, how jealous! I thought it came from a place of love. Boy was I wrong! Now you sound like a spoiled rich boy who has a closet full of toys that he won’t play with, but he insists on keeping because they are HIS, and NO ONE is allowed to touch HIS things simply because he OWNS them! Right, Addy? We are just play toys for you to collect and own?”

“You are NOT a toy, and neither are TJ or Jake! You are the men that I love…” 

“…but not enough, Addy. Can’t you see that? If you loved any one of us with your whole heart, you would feel the same way that we feel about you. That you were enough, more than enough. But I can see that is not the case…”

Adam tries one last time to take Brad into his arms, but Brad pushes with both hands against his chest until Adam is forced to give up. Brad looks up at Adam, his eyes full of tears. “If you love Jake, you will do the right thing, Addy. Talk to him. Confess what you did and WHY you did it. Talk to him about your goals for the future, if they include children or not. Tell him if you want to stay married to him or not. But TALK TO HIM! It’s only fair. And most of all, BE THERE FOR HIM!” Adam nods but Brad refuses to let him off the hook easily. He reaches up and pulls Adam’s head downward by handfuls of hair until Adam is hunched over, leaving him with no other option but to lock eyes with Brad. “You and I are in the past. A part of me will always love you, and I long ago forgave your childish ways from when we were a couple. But you need to focus on the present. You have been a SHITTY husband so far, Addy. Fix it. And if you decide that fixing it isn’t what you REALLY want, then END IT! End that poor boy’s suffering and ask for a divorce before you stick your dick into someone else.”

Brad lets go of Adam’s hair and wordlessly, Adam takes his keys from his pocket and removes Brad’s apartment key off his key ring. He slams it down on the counter top next to Brad before striding to the front door of the apartment. But just as his hand grips the door handle, Brad calls out one last warning.

“Karma, she’s a pure bitch, Addy. She loves to kick you when you’re down, and you are as far down as you can get, cheating on a spouse the way you did. You better keep an eye out for voodoo dolls full of pins, cause when she strikes, it’s gonna hurt…” 

Adam stomps out the door, slamming it behind him. Brad feels the tears he has been holding back until now begin to fill his eyes as he walks over and locks his apartment door. “Thank fuck that’s over” Brad thinks to himself, one hand wiping away the tears that have begun to fall. “I’ve been wanting to do that for so fucking long!” Heaving a deep sigh, Brad walks into his living room, pausing to bend down to retrieve his phone from the coffee table. After tapping his phone a few times, he turns up the volume button and then taps the app one more time. He slightly startles as he hears his own voice, raised high with stress demanding “Get the fuck out, Addy…” Turning off the app, Brad then heads towards his bedroom, turning off lights as he goes. The last thing he does is to place his phone on its charger before falling asleep.

When he wakes the next morning, Brad realizes that he has a full day of visits ahead of him—first Jake and Kell, then TJ and lastly the “in-laws.” He can’t wait to share the recording he made last night with each of them…


	24. Chapter 24

Brad slaps his alarm clock angrily before yawning and stretching. Damn, but his California king bed feels so lonely! Brad’s dreams last night were all focused on the good times he had with Adam early on in their relationship—all those times in the clubs, nights out in drag, at Burning Man, and holiday picnics with Adam’s parents. Now awake, tears fill Brad’s eyes as his attention turns back towards Adam and their confrontation the night before.

After replaying events through a few times, Brad decides to keep the recording he made a secret for a while longer. Feeling completely insecure and alone, Brad knows that eventually he will be called on the carpet for bringing Adam’s fuckbuddies to the audition. And knowing Adam the way he does, Brad figures that he will end up being the scape goat—Adam will try his hardest to turn attention away from himself when he is finally busted by Jake. Sometimes, the best way to counter a sneak attack is to make one of your own.

When Brad steps from the shower twenty minutes later he finds six voicemails waiting for him—two from TJ, one from Adam, one from Jake and two from Leila. The last two are not a big surprise. It’s no secret to anyone that Brad loves Leila just as much as his own mother. Hell, for a long time, Brad called her mom, and secretly prayed that Leila would eventually be his mother-in-law.

The break up with Adam was particularly hard on Brad, but he wasn’t sure who he felt worse about losing. Leila had stepped away from Brad for a while, ignoring his phone calls and attempts to visit. But in the end, it was just another side effect of loving Adam Lambert. Leila took Adam’s side over Brad’s (he is her son, after all) and once again, Brad was the ‘bad boy’ who hurt her son. It took them a long time just to be able to be in the same room with each other, and in the end, it was much easier ignoring ‘that’ conversation. So, Brad disguised his hurt under his sharp southern wit and walked away without telling Leila that it was Adam doing the cheating. 

Boy is she in for one hell of a surprise!

After squeezing his tiny ass into a pair of skinny jeans (and adjusting his crotch twice before he manages to zip up) Brad sits down on the end of his bed. Water drips from his freshly washed hair down his bare back, sending shivers down his spine. What to do now?

After considering his words carefully, Brad taps the ‘to’ and ‘cc’ fields in a blank email template with Leila, Adam, Jake and TJ’s names before composing the following email to all four of them: “Please forgive me for declining to return your phone calls. Please respect my request for privacy. I will be out of town for a while, and will return your calls when I return.” After signing his name, Brad quickly sends the message before he can change his mind. The last thing he wants to do right now is to deal with any of them. But after a few seconds debate, Brad’s thumb scrolls down his favorites list until he finds the name he wants.

“Hello? Who the fuck is calling at this hour? You better be dying…”

“Hello, Sutan. Sorry for the early hour but…can we talk?”

 

“One, two, three, four…Misha! Will you stop that, please? I’m trying to teach Jared how to properly move his moose feet!” 

“Oh, fuck you, Jensen! Jared knows how to move just fine, it’s YOU who dance like a ferret crawled up your ass! No wonder they say white boys can’t dance!” Laughter fills the room as Jensen sticks his tongue out at Misha while purposefully gyrating his hips like a mad man. Misha artfully ignores Jensen while addressing the entire room. 

“Alright everyone! Thank you for gathering here with us today.” Misha’s makes a hand gesture towards Jensen and Jared. Jensen smiles at the room while Jared (who so far hasn’t had any interaction with the Cause, as far as dancing goes) looks slightly uncomfortable and shy, shooting everyone a quick wave before looking at his feet.

“This is your chance to get comfortable dancing on stage before the tour hits the road. We chose this dance studio because…” Misha waves a hand in Jensen’s direction, encouraging him to start his presentation. Jensen smirks, his muscular arms bulging as he takes a short run at one of the many poles in the room. Everyone holds their breath as Jensen pushes upward off the floor with his bare feet, his arms carrying him higher and higher as he climbs the pole. Once at the top, he tightens his lower legs and does a back bend, his body upside down with his back against the pole, his hands extending and curled around the metal. He stays this way for a moment before slowly sliding and climbing upside down until he is about two feet from the floor. Using just his hands, he bends his body in an arc until he is doing the splits, his inner thighs straddled to the point that they are almost touching the floor. 

As the room erupts in a roar of applause Jensen, using just his upper arm strength, pushes and pulls himself upright again. He nods his head once at everyone, the ever-present smirk returning to his face. Jared moves forward to pat Jensen on the shoulder a few times, and the two exchange a few words before Jared yells out “The role of Jared Padalecki is now being played by Jensen Ackles.” Everyone in the room breaks out in laughter, prompting Misha to walk over to Jared and play punch him in the arm, admonishing him to behave himself.

“Alright, everyone!” When the laughter dies down Misha briefly waves his hand towards Jensen. “We do NOT expect all of you to exhibit the same skills shown by Mr. Ackles!” Jared places a hand over his heart, using the other hand to wipe pretend sweat off his brow in an expression of relief. “But you find that some of the clubs that we will be dancing in will have at least one pole available on stage if you wish to use it. We…” Misha motions to Jensen and himself. “…wanted you to have an opportunity to become familiar with them, even if you do not plan to use one in your routine now.” Jensen moves over next to Misha, his hand settling on his shoulder. Misha looks around the room and says, his voice a bit unsteady. “Thank you all for your continued support for the Cause. We seriously couldn’t do it without you and your desire to help the children. Jake seems to have taken on the world this time around, and I know that your help and friendship mean the world to him.” Jensen pats Misha on the shoulder and then says “DJ Amber will be spinning tunes for the next three hours, and lunch will be provided at noon by Cheyanne Valley. Everybody have a good time out there!”

 

Brad was stunned to open his door to find not only Raja but a surprise guest standing in the hall. Raja simply sashayed past Brad, her face as stern as any old-fashioned Catholic nun with a ruler in her hand. No surprise there, considering the fact that Raja was at the Nokia and witnessed Brad’s ‘evil deed.’ 

The real shocker was Marilyn, who gave Brad half a smirk and an “Hiya” as he slipped right past Brad, entering the apartment as if it was his very own. Marilyn’s hair and make-up were both a bit—disheveled, and if Brad were to be honest, he would have to say that Marilyn looked as if he had just taken a hard ride in the backseat of some car…

“Raja…” 

“Did you order us brunch, darling? How sweet of you!” Raja’s hand sweeps over the coffee, mimosas, shirred eggs and pastries on Brad’s kitchen island in a gesture of approval. “Je t'aime!” 

“Help yourself…” Glancing at Marilyn out of the corner of his eye, Brad’s southern twang becomes thicker as he adds “…both of you.” Marilyn shoots another off-center smile at Brad before offering his thanks and helping himself to a cup of coffee.

“Soooo…” Brad motions Raja to take his turn at the food when Marilyn heads to the dining room with a plate heaped high. “…does your co-pilot’s current state of…well, let’s just say he looks ruffled at best!…does this mean that you have taken to riding hard rockers…”

“Bradley!” The hand that is not currently occupied with a plate full of brunch goodies shoots upward to land on Raja’s chest in a motion of ladylike shock. “I will have you to know that, while I DID spend the evening…”

“…and the night…” Brad’s eyes flash in devilment. 

“…in the company of that young man in there…” Raja straightens up to full height, her hand now making a cross over her heart “…we did not do anything…”

“…that required clothing.”

A snort can be heard from the dining room, which brings a slight blush to Raja’s face. Brad throws his hands in the air, his head snapping from side to side in a classic drag queen move. “Well excuse me for worrying about your reputation, Miss Shady! But then again, it’s up to you if you wanna be ‘spreading your stuff’ around like peanut butter…”

“OH SHIT! Why haven’t I found the two of you earlier in my life? The two of you are PRICELESS!” Brad and Raja share a blank stare before the two end up laughing so hard that tears come to their eyes. “C’mon, ladies! You wouldn’t keep an admirer waiting, now would you?” With smiles on their faces, Brad and Raja gather the rest of their food and join Marilyn in the dining room before he can protest further.

To everyone’s surprise the three of them spend the next 40 minutes having fun eating and catching up with each other—that is, until Raja tells Brad about Jake’s rage at the theatre.

“…He WHAT?”

“Sent TJ to the hospital! I was there, Dia and I were the first ones to rush back and see him a mess on the floor.” Raja takes in Brad’s look of disbelief before commenting “I mean, I knew that Jake had a temper, but I never thought…”

“Neither did I, Raja. What a fucked-up mess!” Brad jumps up from his seat and starts to pace. After a few minutes of silence (Brad continuing to pace, the other two staring at him) Brad leaves the room for a moment.

“He’s really torn up about Tommy, Raja.” Before Raja could make a comment, Brad has returned, coming to a stop at the end of the table.  
“I…want the two of you to know that I never intended for anyone to get hurt in all this mess. I just wanted everyone to know the truth. So…” Brad pushes an app on his phone before placing it on the table between Marilyn and Raja. “…please listen and try to understand.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how you get into the middle of writing a chapter and the next thing you know, you start second guessing yourself so badly that you cannot finish the chapter, no matter how hard you work at it? Well that is what happened with this chapter. I ended up throwing out half of what I had written and 'da-daaa!'--I finished it in only 10 minutes. Sorry for the delay, folks!
> 
> The 1st song I included seemed to fit what I was feeling while I wrote the 'Kell' section of the chapter (even if a 'real shape' is not felt by Kell at all...or is there one? You decide...). The second song, of course, you will recognize from Bulletproof Heart. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> And if you celebrate--Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, folks! xoxo

“I’m in love with the shape of you  
We push and pull like magnets do  
Although my heart is falling too  
I’m in love with your body”…  
Shape of You—Ed Sheeran

 

Kell walks through a small bright white room into total darkness, the sound of a door slamming shut and a lock clicking loudly behind him makes him jump. Walking with his hands out in front of him, Kell is forced to take slow steps forward. 

“I’m so glad you’ve returned. I’ve been so lonely…” 

“Ok, keep it together” Kell thinks to himself as panic causes bile to bubble up his throat until his eyes water. “The voice sounds sad, not hostile. Talk to it.” Taking a deep breath, Kell calls out in a shaking voice “Do I know you?”

A thin laugh sends a chill down Kell’s spine. “Of course you do! Do you not recognize me?” Without thought Kell shakes his head, then belated realizes that he needs to speak his response. “Um…no, sorry.” He is surprised when he hears the voice waver a bit as it softly answers “Oh.” Kell thinks he’s never heard so much sadness in one word before. “Sorry, Kellan. I’ll…” there is a slight hesitation, a heartbeat or two before the voice finishes “…send you back.”

Kell feels his panic rising again, but this time it’s different. He feels his heart start to pound harder as he calls out “NO!” A heartbeat, then “…I mean, please wait.” Still nothing. “I…want to get to know you.” 

Shrill laughter, followed by “Oh, you KNOW me, Kellan! But it seems as if I were easy to forget. Maybe I should let you ponder on that for a bit, hum?” 

A blinding white light fills Kell’s senses seconds before he feels as if he’s floating through the air. Tears begin streaming from his eyes as he mumbles “Remember me” over and over until he jolts awake in his bed, his hands clutching the sheets under him. His first impulse is to reach for his phone on the bedside table, thumbing quickly through his call list until he finds what he is looking for.

“This better be good, Kelly! I’m in the middle of…” Kell’s shaky voice cuts off Jason’s description of his evening ‘activities.’ 

“Jason?” Kell swears that he hears soft peals of laughter reverberating through his bedroom as he continues, panic filling his voice. “…Drew is haunting my dreams…”

 

The bass is pumping so hard though the speakers that Adam thinks his heart is about to jump out of his chest. As he pushes his way through the Friday night crowd, Adam’s initial thoughts of sneaking out of the club return. Why the hell can’t he find Terrance? He’s been looking for him for the last ten minutes, so he can finally say his goodbyes and head back home to Tommy. It’s as if the fucker had dissolved into thin air! He even checked the bathroom stalls just in case the birthday boy had managed to snag a cutie in the crowd and dragged him off for some fun. 

As he continues to scan the packed dancefloor, Adam’s thoughts turn once again to his earlier conversation with TJ.

Tommy (half asleep on pain killers) insisted that Adam attend Terrance’s birthday party tonight at Club Adore, even though Adam worried about leaving him home alone. “Go, tell Terrance I said “Happy you’re older than dirt now day.” Adam snorted at his husband’s attempt at humor, considering how stoned he was on Vicodin. Jake’s solid punch broke four of TJ’s ribs, causing him to have to spend the next four weeks in a chest wrap that looks like something out of an old mummy movie. 

The more Adam tried to talk his way out of attending the party the more Tommy demanded he go. “I’m fine here, honey! I’m just gonna fall asleep anyways, you might as well go out and have some fun…” 

The last thing Adam ended up having tonight was fun. After arriving half an hour late to dinner (the damn car service forgot to pick him up for the second time this week) he realized that he left his wallet at home on top of his dresser. Luckily his brother Neal had been invited to Terrance’s “dinner and dance” party—he covered Adam’s bill and floated him $40 for drinks at the club. But the prime rib dinner that Adam ate hadn’t settled well on his stomach, so here he is, alternating between trips to the bathroom and scouring the crowd to find Terrance so he can leave this fucked up mess of an evening behind him.

And that’s when he hears it…

“Hey I heard you were a wild one  
If I took your heart it’d be a home run  
Show me how you do  
I wanna shut down the club…with you  
Hey I heard you like the wild ones…”

A huge grin instantly covers Adam’s face as his thoughts turn back to ‘that night’ in the club. His memories feel almost tangible—watching Jake drag a protesting TJ across the dance floor to this song, the way Jake wrapped his body around Tommy from behind. Adam remembers feeling as if his body was on auto pilot as he abandoned his dance partner without a word to cross the room until he was standing in front of the pair grinding in front of him. Adam can still feel the roughness of Tommy’s jeans as he tightened his grip on Tommy’s waist, slithering closer to his prey—so close that their cocks began grinding together as Jake pushed TJ against him with each beat of the music. Adam feels himself grow semi-hard as he remembers his hands sliding against Jake’s…

But the two moments that stand out most in his mind from that evening were interconnected—the look of pure ecstasy on Tommy’s face as the two men ground into him over and over, and the look in Jake’s eyes that evening. That look dared Adam to step up and be a man, to challenge Jake for Tommy. 

The look in Jake’s eyes that night made Adam feel a laundry list of emotions that, if he is being completely honest with himself, he hasn’t felt since that night. Not with such intensity, anyway. Anger, annoyance at someone else trying to take ‘his man’ from him, excitement at the very idea of having to fight for Tommy against what he felt were greater odds, but most of all…lust. He can admit to it now, even though he could (or more accurately, would) NEVER admit it out loud—the very thought of challenging Jake for Tommy made Adam want to bend Jake over the closest piece of furniture and fuck the hell out of him…

What the actual FUCK?? “NO!” Adam thinks to himself as he surveys the dance floor once again. “That CAN’T be Jake!”

Out of the corner of his eye Adam notices Jake grinding on a short blonde dude in the middle of the dance floor. “No, that can’t be!” Adam thinks to himself. He feels the blood drain from his face, feels a combination of dismay and shock. “Jake has been spending all his time with that fucking bastard Kell, he wouldn’t be here alone…” 

Adam steps back into the shadows of the room as he watches Jake lean his upper body down until its draped over a short blonde, Jake’s chin finally coming to rest on the blonde’s shoulder. Anger flares through Adam as he watches Jake’s cock grind into the twink’s ass over and over to the beat of the music, Jake’s hands tightening on the twink’s sharp hip bones.

This can’t be happening!!! But Adam continues to be mesmerized by the sight of his sexy husband as the music begins to slow temporarily. Adam’s stomach pitches sharply as he watches the short blonde throw his head back, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he shifts back against Jake’s chest…his face mirroring Tommy Joe’s the night they danced to this song together in the club…

Rage building, Adam storms through the crowd towards Jake, his hand reaching out to shove his husband off the TJ-lookalike Jake is holding. But instead of shoving his husband, Adam accidently ends up tripping on another dancer’s foot, his hand slamming hard into the blonde’s chest.

“Get the fuck off him, Jake! What the hell?” 

The next few moments feel as if they take place in slow motion: Adam realizing (way too late, considering how aggressively he collided with the blonde in front of him) that the low lights of the club had played tricks on him. What he thought was Jake and some blonde slut turns out to be a Jake look-alike and his boyfriend. 

Before Adam can apologize over the pounding beat of the music, the body builder side-steps his way around his boyfriend, his eyes murderous and his hands tightening into fists. “Just what the fuck, asshole?” Adam (as TJ is always forced to do when he interacts with Jake) throws his head back to be able to look into the body builder’s eyes, his hands raised open-palmed in a gesture of compliance, silently begging for mercy. But for some reason this only serves to piss off the buff Jake look-alike even more, giving Adam only a few seconds before he is flying backwards onto his ass. Shrieks, the sounds of bodies shuffling away from the trio, and the yells of bouncers drown out Flo Rida’s singing as a huge fist makes its way closer and closer to Adam’s jaw…

 

“So, have you decided if are you going on tour with us, Raja?” Marilyn asks while sliding his sunglasses on, so he can clearly see Raja’s reaction. The morning sun (well…as early as you can get for a rock star and a drag queen…meaning the two are sitting in an outdoor patio enjoying brunch at Raja’s favorite restaurant…) causes Raja to squint down at the newspaper in her hand as she turns to the entertainment section. 

Marilyn watches as Raja suddenly raises her hand to her chest in surprise, a startled mini-shriek filling the air. She scans the newspaper page quickly before holding up the paper for Marilyn to see, her tone full of rage as she bites out “Looks like I have no choice, do I?”  
The headline “Lambert Gets More Than Entertainment” holds Marilyn’s attention for a few seconds before he goes on to read the by-line.

“Lambert Knocked Out Cold In Club, While Ex-Lover Admits To Sex with Singer After His Marriage To Movie Star and Guitarist.”

Marilyn gives Raja a stunned look, dryly commenting “Tour? What tour?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it seems as all I am doing lately is bashing Adam. Honestly, this was not my intention when I started writing this story. But since I have placed Adam at the center of this tale by giving him multiple 'cheating partners' I must admit that he will get a large amount of blame...in the beginning. TJ and Jake (as we will soon see) are not precious angels, and they will have their day 'in court' as the saying goes. So Adam fans, please hang in there with me, this is not all about making your boy be the only bad guy. Thanks to all of you for hanging in there with me!  
> xoxo


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revenge never brings redemption…or does it?

As Jake opens his second beer of the night he hears a soft knock at his front door. “Maybe if I ignore them, they will go away” he thinks to himself. But when the knock repeats once…twice...three times, Jake slams his beer down on his side table before lifting his legs off the ottoman in front of him. “Can’t even watch the fucking television without bullshit” he mumbles as he stands and walks to his front door. His mumbles turn to curses when he looks through the peep hole, his expression turning murderous. 

“GO AWAY!”

“Jake, please! I need to talk to you! It’s important!”

“Fuck off!”

“Jake, we have to talk…”

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DOOR OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!” Jake growls as he storms away from the door, heading back to his couch and a night of horror movies. But before he can even leave the hallway, Jake can hear his husband scream at the top of his lungs.”

“We’re NOT married!”

Jake skids to a halt and turns back to the door without a word. His only thought is “Nice tactic, wish I had thought of that one myself!” even as he yells “Bullshit! You’re just trying to get me to open the door!” The voice on the other side of the door cracks a bit as it responds “Just give me five minutes…FIVE! You can kick me out after if you want, but we HAVE to talk…”

Jake blinks a few times, his hand frozen on the door lock for what feels like forever. When frantic pounding begins again seconds later he yells out without thinking “ALRIGHT, cut it out already!” He flings the door open to reveal his husband’s tear stained face and disheveled appearance. 

“Come in, TJ. Your five minutes have already started.” Jake turns his back on Tommy, leading the way back into the living room with his obviously shaken spouse following closely behind him. 

“Jake.” Pain and sadness leak through as Tommy clutches his ribs with every breath. As they lock eyes, Jake cannot help but feel remorse for hurting TJ like he did—even if Jake can barely remember what happened through the haze of the rage he felt in the moment. Still… 

“I’m sorry to barge in on you like this, but we have a problem…” 

“Tommy…” Jake cuts in, a look of contrition on his face. “I’m sorry I hurt you…”

“…Jake, that’s not important right now! You need to hear this…” Tommy clutches his side as he sits down in the very seat Jake had recently vacated. “You remember Father Wells? The wonderful priest that married us?”

A smile crosses Jake’s face for a moment. “Of course I do! He was so wonderful to you and Adam when I was in the hospital. We all went to his funeral last year…” Tommy breaks in, his voice once again sounding strained. “Brad told me after the wedding that Father Wells filed papers at the court house regarding our wedding. He told Brad that he was obligated to file a marriage certificate for every single couple that he married.”

“Tommy…” 

“I called a lawyer this morning after a long night of pacing the floors. I’m sure you know of Adam’s latest mishiva.” Jake’s scowl is so harsh that TJ hastily continues “I decided to see about getting a separation agreement.” 

“WHAT?” Jake screams, scaring away poor Jasper who was slowly making his way across the room towards Tommy. 

Tommy blinks a few times before blurting out “I mean…against Adam, not you! My lawyer said that he wasn’t sure—we are the only three-way marriage in Hollywood, after all! So he told me to go down to city hall and get a copy of all papers regarding our marriage, and then bring them in with me to my appointment next week, he would look at them. But…” Tommy’s eyes fill with tears, his arms tightening around his middle as he continues. “…when I got there, the lady behind the counter couldn’t find anything regarding our marriage, nothing at all! NO papers filed by Father Wells, NO marriage certificate, NO bill of marriage, NOTHING!!! I had her look under all three of our names, and I forced her to turn her screen around so I could see what she was doing! I was sure she had made a mistake, but then the clerk told me that the last ceremony that Father Wells conducted, according to her records, was exactly ten months before ours!”

Jake later realizes that he must’ve gone into temporary shock. That was the only reason that he stood for who the hell knows how long without blinking, without speaking or conscious thought. During this time Tommy manages to stand up and slowly make his way to Jake’s side, moving slowly and cautiously, as if he was approaching a wild animal. 

“Jake?” 

Nothing

“Jake honey? Are you ok?” Tommy gingerly reaches out his hand to touch Jake’s bicep, his eyes locking on Jake’s with a wide-eyed look of concern.

The only sound is a distant tinkling of the bell on Jasper’s collar as a slow grin slides its way across Jake’s handsome face, his eyes lighting up and shining in the dim light of the room. Without looking directly at TJ, the pitch of his voice gives away the thoughts going through his mind.

“Problem? You said we have a problem, honey?” Tommy nods once, his face scrunching up in confusion. Jake turns, reaching out to place his hands upon Tommy’s shoulders, squeezing with light pressure just once to make sure he has Tommy’s full attention. Staring down at TJ, Jake’s grin turns into a full-fledged smirk.

“I don’t see a problem here at all, Teej.” 

It takes Tommy a full minute to comprehend the point Jake is making, and when he does, his reaction is the opposite of Jake’s—tears fill up his eyes, silently sliding down to wet his tee shirt, his nose turning red instantly. “But…” Tommy reaches out his right hand towards Jake’s cheek, his fingers gently brushing through Jake’s long dark hair. “…you sound HAPPY to be single! Aren’t you…I mean…” Tommy sniffles twice, his other hand wiping away his tears as best he can. “…don’t you want…ME?”

Jake stares at Tommy for a long moment, his eyes connecting with TJ’s briefly before surprising Tommy with a light kiss on his forehead.

“Goodbye, Tommy Joe. You know the way out…”

“Jake…”

“NO, TJ! I still love you, but I can’t…I…” Tommy tightens his grip on Jake’s hair until Jake is forced to untangle TJ’s fingers or lose his long locks. “After all we have been through, do you think it would be so easy to just say “fuck it, let’s find another officiant and try again?”

“NO! I just hoped that you would be willing to…at least with me…” Fear, desperation and longing cross Tommy’s pale face briefly before he continues “…I mean, I know I made mistakes but I…I still want you, babes! I still love you!”

Jake looks down at the floor, mumbling “Loving you has never been the problem, Teej. It was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. But I can’t…” Jake takes a deep breath and tries again. “…maybe someday, but not now. I…can’t. Take care of yourself.”

Without another word to his former husband, Jake turns on his heels and heads towards his bedroom, Jasper following close behind. Tommy hears the bedroom door slam shut before Jake’s voice can be heard seconds later as Tommy makes his way slowly to the door.

“Jensen? Jake here. Yeah, sorry to call so late. Can you please call the dancers together in the morning? We need one last rehearsal before the next show. I have an interview with Oprah Winfrey in the morning. No, Adam and TJ will NOT be touring with us any longer—please make sure everyone knows this when you call. Nope, no more scandal, drama and soap operas for us! Angel’s Cause just became the focus of my life again, as it always should’ve been! Let’s go make some money for the kids!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe me...this is FAR from over!!! xo


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! Hope you are all surviving the lovely winter weather (yes, that was sarcasm!) Living in the American Midwest, I'm tired of this mess already! But since it is snowing and colder than hell, I would rather sit in the house and write than go outside (hence, another chapter so quickly LOL). 
> 
> This chapter I call Aftermath, since it time to clear away all the rubble of the tragedy and try to access the damage done. Since (by now) you know that I LOVE writing twist and turns in my stories, I'm sure you are prepared for anything by now! So...maybe that means that the ending won't be a shock. (This chapter was written quickly and was not beta'ed, so please kindly ignore any mistakes). Please let me know what you think of the story so far, if you feel so inclined ...
> 
> Hope you enjoy!  
> xoxo

After turning on one of the local news channels the next morning, Jake feels his stomach flip over when he hears (while dressing for his early morning interview with Oprah) the following report:

“Rumor has it that the infamous trio everyone LOVES to talk about is in trouble. Unknown sources confirm that Jake Andolini, Tommy Joe Ratliff, and Adam Lambert---who had a marriage ceremony a little over three years ago on the beach at Tyra Banks’ estate—were NEVER legally married! It appears that Father Wells, the aged Catholic priest that went against the Pope to marry these three young men in typical Hollywood style—never officially filed paperwork with the State of California after the nuptials! Ratliff and Lambert could not be reached for comment, but Brad Bell, a member of the wedding party, made the following comment to reporters late last night:

“I’m GLAD to see that my three friends now have a chance to re-evaluate their lives. How many of us wish WE could just wake up in the morning and have a do-over, you know? Now they can REALLY decide if they are made for each other, if they want the same things out of life, and if they don’t…then POOF!...they can walk away without any hard feelings. In a way, it’s as if they hit the lottery—the honesty lottery.”

“Recent newspaper headlines and internet photos suggest cheating by Ratliff and Lambert during their three plus year union. Andolini has managed to keep his reactions to both events private, refusing to comment even when directly approached by the paparazzi. Now that knowledge of their marriage disaster is out in the open, maybe Andolini will open up and share his thoughts with the world.”

As Jake zips up his tight black jeans he tilts his head towards his television and mumbles “Yeah, maybe” to himself as his cell phone rings.

Its Adam. With what Marilyn would call a “shit-eating grin” Jake hits “accept” on his phone.

“Jake! I was hoping that…”

“Adam! I’m on my way for my interview with Oprah this morning.” A few seconds of silence are followed with “That’s…one thing I wanted to talk to you about, Jake.”

“…So talk.”

“I spoke to Tommy this morning and the two of us have decided to turn away all questions regarding our relationship from this point on out. Are you with us on this?”

Jake chuckles to himself before answering “Sure. If any reporters ask about your and Tommy’s relationship, I will make sure not to comment on it. I wish the two of you the best…”

“JAKE! Why do you always have to be such a prick?”

Jake makes his way into the kitchen, followed closely by Jasper who is impatiently waiting for his breakfast. Jake pets Jasper for a moment before feeding him, then sighs loudly. “Adam, I know what you were getting at. The two of you can make whatever pact you want to make, but leave me out of it. I have been quiet this long, I know who and who not to share our dirty laundry with, but I refuse to be told who and who not to speak to. Until you serve me with a restraining order, I shall use my discretion in all conversations with the media.” As he locks his apartment door Jake adds “Be glad that I’m not like some ex’s, drowning my woes in beer and screaming my problems to anyone who will listen. Maybe…” Jake waves at the limo driver as he pulls up to the front door of his apartment building before getting in the back seat. “…you can consider it my parting gift, darling.” 

“Very funny! The three of us haven’t even sat down to talk things through yet and you are talking as if we truly ARE over, Jake! Which is another reason I’m calling.” Jake rolls his eyes as Adam continues. “After the show, why don’t the three of us find a quiet place to talk things out? Tommy and I will meet you at the club…”

“No.”

“But…”

“NO, ADAM! You and TJ are officially off the tour as of last night. I thought Teej would have told you that, considering he heard me tell Jensen on his way out of my apartment last night! And there is no reason to meet up anywhere, considering the only thing left to talk about is the house that you purchased in WeHo. Keep it, its yours after all. I have been staying at my apartment for so long that I moved all my things out of the house at the end of last year. The only thing left for me to pick up is my motorcycle, and I plan to pick it up after my interview this morning. You and TJ can live there together from now on.”

“Jake, I don’t want you to pick up your motorcycle, I don’t want you to walk away and act as if you never met the two of us! I want us to sit down and…”

“What? Have the very same conversation we are having right now?” The driver lowers the divider window, causing Jake to lift his head and pay attention to his surroundings. Damn, Oprah’s house is fucking HUGE! “We are here, sir.” Jake thanks the driver before returning his attention to Adam, who is making frustrated noises through his side of the phone. “Adam, I have to go, I’m at Oprah’s house. Goodbye.” Jake hangs up the phone and immediately turns it off—it would be the height of rudeness if it rang in the middle of the interview.

His interview with Oprah goes much smoother than Jake thought it would. During the early part of the interview, she asks direct but broad questions about his upbringing and how he “discovered he was gay,” before turning her attention to his involvement with the Cause. Things end up a little emotional when Jake recounts his short time with Angel before her death, and Oprah allows him to reflect without much interruption. But of course, at the end of the conversation, the topic turns to his “marriage” and his two “partners.” 

The old Jake would have taken the high road and changed the subject, but…that would not have been fair—to Oprah, the Cause or to himself. Since Oprah had taken it upon herself to go out of her way to schedule this interview before the break up, it was only fair to air out the topic on her show. 

Still…Jake has his own personal decorum and code of honor to uphold—so he only allowed things to go SO far in the end…

 

(Oprah) So…I understand that you are single again! Would you care to comment on that?

(Jake) Let’s just say that a technical difficulty turned my world upside down? I think that’s a fair statement to make, considering the circumstances. 

(Oprah) I won’t delve into the problems your relationship has faced lately, but I’m sure there must be a part of yourself that feels relieved at the news? Since it gives you a chance to sit back and look at things with clear vision?

(Jake laughs) You are not the only person with this opinion! And yes, I do see the unique opportunity I have been given to…change direction, if that is my final decision. But to be honest…I’m still stunned at the news, and I want to take some time to let it all sink in before making any life changing decisions.

(Oprah) Of course! That’s very insightful of you! But…if I may ask…(here Oprah shifts in her seat so she is sitting even closer to Jake)…do you have any ideas as to what you want your future to look like?

(Jake, after taking a moment to think) Yes, I do. Currently I want to donate my time and effort towards Angel’s Cause. I want to make a difference in the world, no matter how big or how small. Someday soon though I would like to start a family. I love children—I grew up in a large farm family. And somewhere down the line, I would enjoy making another movie or two. 

(Oprah) I do have one request, Jake.

(Jake—smirking) Do you want a lap dance, Oprah?

(Oprah, smiling broadly) Oh my no! I was going to ask if I could touch your bicep. 

(Jake throws back his head and laughs before asking) If you do, will Stedman beat me up?

(Oprah, chuckling along with Jake) Not if I can help it! (Oprah tentatively reaches out and strokes her hand slowly down Jake’s arm, her expression one of awe) If I may ask…how often do you work out?

(Jake) Every other day for 1 ½ hours or so, but on the days in-between I like to kick box or do some low energy exercises. I started this workout schedule during my bodyguard days.

(Oprah, her face still showing her amusement) Well, it’s obviously a program that’s working, that is for sure! (Jake blushes as Oprah turns directly towards the camera) Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for watching ‘Morning with Oprah’! (With an affectionate look in Jake’s direction) My deeply personal thanks to my guest Jake Andolini for sharing his time with us today. And I highly encourage you to support Angel’s Cause. Before you go…(Oprah reaches into a drawer in the table next to her)…Stedman and I wish to show our support with a $10,000 donation. 

(Jake) Thank you SO much to both of you! It was a pleasure speaking with you today, and your support means more to me than you will ever know!

 

Feeling good about the interview, when his ride arrives Jake asks the limo driver to take him to the house to up his motorcycle. “Might as well get it over with” Jake thinks to himself. “If it wasn’t for the fact that Indian Chieftain cost me a fortune, I’d just tell them to sell the damn thing and keep the money! But I love that damn bike too much…” 

Jake sees both Adam and Tommy’s cars parked in front of the house as they approach. “Great, so much for a quick getaway…” The vans and cars of the paparazzi are blocking the front gate, forcing the limo driver to call for security to assist him in making a path to allow the limo entry to the grounds. After ten minutes or so Jake finally exits the limo to calls of “Hey Jake! Back for a quickie before you pack your things?” “Jake! Are the three of you reconciling?” “Any plans for a Vegas wedding? I hear Elvis is available if you hurry!”

As he quickly strides towards the house the front door magically opens. “Get in here before they eat you alive” TJ hisses, his expression grim. In the dim light, Jake notices that Tommy looks like hell—his hair hanging limp and unwashed, at least three days of stubble covering his cheeks. Dark circles make him look…fragile is the only word that seems to fit. Tommy is wearing one of Adam’s old baseball shirts, the extra material sagging all the way down to the knees of his sweatpants. The ace bandage wrapped around his chest is the only thing that fills out his shirt, exaggerating his thinness. With his bare feet completing the picture, TJ looks like a skinny little kid who was roughly jarred awake after a long nap. Out of the corner of his eye, Jake catches the glint of light bouncing off TJ’s wedding ring in the dim lighting of the house.

Adam’s face looks pinched and worried, his hair unkept. No makeup, fancy clothes replaced by old jeans and a tee shirt, no jewelry except his wedding ring. Adam appears to have lost 20 pounds or more, his clothes hanging loose on his frame in a way that mimics TJ’s. Jake feels like the very picture of health and vitality standing next to the two of them, and the feeling is very uncomfortable. Guilt runs though him at the very thought that he is the only one of the three no longer wearing his wedding ring. 

The trio stare at each other until Adam suddenly barks out in a rough voice “Oh for the LOVE of God! Can we sit down in the living room instead of standing here like strangers at a funeral?” Without waiting for a response, Adam’s bare feet smack the hardwood floors as he leads the solemn parade into the sunken living room. 

Looking around at the white overstuffed furniture, the pricey but extremely ugly art on the wall and every surface, Jake is reminded why he hates the modern monstrosity he is standing in so much. Shortly after their honeymoon, Adam went out one weekend and came back on Sunday night with the news that he had purchased a house for the three of them. At the time, TJ and Jake were both (upon discovering which house Adam had in mind) trying to encourage him to withdraw his offer, but Adam refused. To Adam, appearance is everything. He HAD to keep up with (but mostly outdo) those in his class or better, showing just how opulent his tastes were. 

Jake and Teej? They had the same taste in what a house should really be—a HOME. The place where you feel free to put your feet up on the sofa or coffee table, where you can pile up dishes in the sink without getting dirty looks from stuck up visitors, where an occasional dirty sock on the floor isn’t a reason for World War Three. In other words…the two of them simply wanted a place to relax and be themselves, instead of a showplace for MTV’s Cribs.

After the three take their seats Jake clears his throat. “I just came by to pick up my…” Tommy’s soft tone cuts in “…but please, Jake! We need to talk all this out. I’m…” tears choke off his words, despair showing through his eyes. “…so very sorry for…”

Jake’s tone turns tender as he cuts in “Teej, I KNOW you are sorry. We all are. But…” his tone suddenly sounding exhausted “…it’s too late for sorry. You were sorry when you cheated on us. You’re also sorry for all your drunken nights of kissing others. Adam was sorry every time he fucked someone that wasn’t us and for avoiding me. I’m sorry that I broke your ribs. I’m also sorry for annoying the two of you with my skype conversations…”

Adam clears his throat. “Tommy and I were NEVER sorry for those calls, even though it may have seemed like it at the time. The two of us were just so full of guilt that we just couldn’t face you.” Tommy mumbles under his breath in response. “YOU couldn’t…”

“Tommy!” 

“NO Adam! You seem to easily gloss over the fact that, while I am FAR from fucking blameless here, you cheated on ME and with multiple guys, too! NOT JUST JAKE! But you seem to think that only JAKE needs an apology from you!” Tommy stand up to tower over Adam, who reaches out to take both of Tommy’s hands in his. Tommy backs up a step. “You seem to think that you can do ANYTHING you want, and I WILL FORGIVE YOU! WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT THAN JAKE? HUH? I’m TIRED of being your little side bitch!” Swinging his hand towards Jake, Tommy continues “You treat him like shit but you put him on a pedestal, all you really care about is how HE feels, what HE thinks, what HE will do in response to whatever! I sometimes wonder why you didn’t just marry him and leave me the fuck out of it!”

Adam jumps to his feet, his arms reaching to encircle Tommy but TJ’s too quick for him, skittering out of the way. “Babe! You KNOW I love you! I love BOTH of you…”

“You have an interesting way of showing it!” Tommy blurts out, his face flushing when he realizes that his words are a double-edged sword. “At least when I cheated, I told you about it…”

Jake’s voice is laced with ice as he comments “Oh REALLY?” When the other two turn their attention to him, Jake resumes with “Mind telling me how I was left out of this process, TJ?”

“Jake…”

“NO, really, TJ! Just HOW did you manage to admit your sins to only ONE of your husbands instead of both of us? Is the idea of a three-way skype conversation harder than a three-way with your husbands?”

“JAKE! 

“Go on, Teej. I’m waiting to hear this one, I really am…”

“I TRIED to call you, but you were in a closed set filming! And when I finally connect, I just…you just looked so happy to hear from me, and I just couldn’t break your heart…”

“…and you think that finding out about you and Adam being unfaithful wouldn’t hurt me later, huh?”

“Get off your high horse, Jake!” Adam suddenly yells at the top of his lungs. “I’ve always known about your little drunken ‘indiscretion’ when we were engaged! I could have dragged you over the coals, but I chose to forgive you instead! And now, you sit there WITH YOUR HOLIER THAN THOU ATTITUDE ACTING LIKE…” 

“Wait…WHAT?” Tommy Joe’s face loses all color, his pale skin taking on the color of a corpse. Taking a shaky step forward, Tommy gives Adam a look of total confusion. “I…don’t understand…” 

Before Jake can open his mouth to defend himself, Adam cuts him off with words full of venom. “Our perfect little husband has skeletons in his own closet, honey. Four months before we married…” Adam shoots Jake a gleeful look as he finishes. “…Jake had a drunken one-night stand…with Sophie.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings! 
> 
> 100 kudos! Wooooo! Thanks to all of you that kudo'ed (is that a word?)  
> By the end of this chapter, you may change your mind...
> 
> Please remember, I have to break these boys down before I can build them back up again. This chapter is the real beginning of that process. I am NOT trying to bash Adam here, each of the three boys will end up run through to ringer before I am done. 
> 
> In this chapter, Tommy gets to speak his mind. The next chapter will center on Tommy and Jake. I am far from finished putting Jake in his place...and the tour is NOT forgotten! 
> 
> As always, thank for hanging in there with me! 
> 
> With love,  
> Donna xx

Tommy’s POV:

 

“I did not!”

The following silence is so dense you could cut it with a knife. 

I don’t get it. Why is it SO fucking hard to communicate once you’re married? I mean…sure, before you wed there are always large and small fights, misunderstandings and shit like that. Everyone is on their best behavior so their loved one doesn’t throw up their hands and run away screaming. But the second that ring strangles your finger? Its like all communication ends and you FINALLY see just who in the motherfuck you’re married to!

Ok, so everyone has different ‘definitions’ when you talk about cheating. Some see going as far as fucking as cheating, while others call a simple conversation with the opposite sex (if you are alone with them or you spend too much time with them) cheating as well. 

I’m trying through all layers of fuck-all to understand why Jake would close his mind at a moment like this. I mean, sure…what I did (and, let’s get real here—every single time Adam opened his pants for any reason since we married and parted ways, it feels like he cheated, so YEAH—Adam’s in a special class of cheating by himself!) is purely that—CHEATING! I own it, I asked for forgiveness and I want to move on toward rebuilding if we can—BUT JAKE’S MIND IS SO FUCKING CLOSED IT COULD BE A BANK VAULT!

Is it the way he was raised? Does he have a holier-than-thou complex I didn’t know about? Does he think that if I feel guilty enough, I will ignore any transgression he made, no matter how big? Or is it a simple case of all three of us being on a different page where cheating is concerned? And if that is the case…what ELSE are we divided on, hum?

Let’s find out, shall we?

I gingerly sit down on the edge of the love seat, my ribs suddenly stabbing me. I wrap my arms around my middle, my head hanging low as I state in a voice laced with acid “Go on, Jake—PLEASE explain…” I feel Adam’s eyes land on me as I take a short, shuddering breath that hurts every fucking bone I own. 

“TJ, it’s not how it appears! I DIDN’T CHEAT on you or Adam!” To my right, I hear Adam snort softly. “Sophie and I went out on the town when she came to visit us in LA. You and Adam were still in Chicago at Barry’s gig, remember?” Jake’s voice goes from a frantic whisper to shaking when I refuse to raise my head to meet his gaze. “The two of us ended up smashed, so we took a cab home. We only slept in the same bed—nothing happened! The next morning, Leila arrived unexpectedly at 7am to take us out to breakfast, and when she saw the two of us in our robes, she assumed…”

“Stop.”

“TJ, that is all that happened! We explained everything to Leila and she seemed to understand at the time, but…” Jake glares at Adam and continues, his voice filled with sarcasm. “…I should’ve known better.”

Adam snarls out through laughter “Yeah, right! An innocent night, considering the two of you had sex once in your early 20’s!” At this news I try to make eye contact with Jake, who is suddenly finding the fireplace much more interesting than returning my gaze. “And then I recently find out that Sophie has spoken to you in private about being a surrogate for our baby that WE THREE HAVEN’T EVEN DISCUSSED YET! And to top it off…” Frustration takes over Adam, making him swing his arms in a wide arc, barely missing me. “…Sophie telling you that if you decide to divorce us, she will gladly give YOU a baby! Damn, Jake! It appears that Tommy isn’t the only one who is forgetful today, is he?”

Jake (his face suddenly becoming as pale as mine must be) mumbles “How did you find out about that conversation?” Adam quickly paraphrases the old proverb “Eavesdroppers never learn anything good, baby.” 

Without thought I snidely comment “If I were you, Adam, I’d watch my mouth. You have nothing to fucking gloat about.”  
Silence fills the house again.

Just what the fuck do we do now? In three years we have gone from happily married to three strangers sitting in our own fucking house, acting as if we’ve never seen each other before.

The only thing I know is that I can’t do this anymore. More than anything, I want to grab Jake and Adam by the hand and drag them off to bed for a cuddlefest before falling asleep in a puppy pile like we used to do when we toured together. But my mind keeps returning to the conversation I had with my lawyer. Abuse comes in all forms. Marriage and abuse are two things that do not belong together, EVER!  
With a glance (first at Adam, who looks cocky as hell to finally have one-upped Jake, then to Jake, who is still looking everywhere but at either of us), I decide (with a diva-sigh that Raja would no doubt approve of) to shake things up a bit.

I break the silence by pulling out my phone, swiping and typing until I find what I am looking for—an audio file sent to me by Bradley. As I tap the file icon then place my phone on the table I comment “Before we say anything else you should listen to this…”

Adam’s eyes bug out of his head as his and Brad’s taped conversation echoes through the living room. Adam shifts uncomfortably in his seat as I watch him search through a databank of set excuses for his part of the tape. When the file ends I cut off any excuse he waiting to offer by saying “Brad sent this to me yesterday, and he wanted me to share it with the two of you. He also wants you to know that he has already shared it with Raja and Marilyn, before making the decision to send it to me. I guess it’s time to put all of our cards on the table, huh?” When neither of my husbands say anything or even look at me, I continue. “I think that the first thing we need to do is to admit that we all have made mistakes, and to own up to them.”

Before I can gather my thoughts, Jake cuts me off with “I meant what I said before, TJ. I’m so very, very sorry that I hurt you.” Jake shifts in his seat until the two of us are facing each other, his expression grim. “After…Adam’s lovers…” Out of the corner of my eye I see Adam once again shift in his seat, his bare feet flashing out under his long pants as he moves. “…unexpectedly showed up at the audition, I…couldn’t handle it. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but you dogged me to the door. You and Raja. I…didn’t mean to hit you, I didn’t mean to break your ribs. I…” Jake’s face pales with his words. “…know it is never right to raise a hand to ANYONE, especially someone you love. I’ve…never been that angry before, never felt so useless and alone. But none of that makes it right, what I did. I’m surprised you are talking to me now, considering. I love you, TJ.”

“You have a shitty way of showing it, Jake! Do you have ANY idea what he’s been through?” Adam snarls.

“Fuck off, Adam!” I turn to glare at Adam. “Jake is TRYING to share his thoughts with me, I want to hear what he has to say!” I stomp my way forward until I’m standing in front of Adam. “Just WHO the MOTHERFUCK are YOU to cut down someone’s thoughts or feelings, HUH? YOU, who always has to be in control of everything except for YOUR DICK!” A stunned look crosses over Adam’s face, his eyebrows practically on the ceiling in surprise. I feel my heart break in two as I look once again, from one husband to the other.

“Jake, I accept your apology. I was more hurt than angry that you laid hands on me like that, and I will accept your apology THIS time. But…” I walk over to Jake, stopping in front of him to place a hand under his jaw until he raises his head and looks me in the eyes. “…the next time that you pull a stunt on me like that, I WILL CALL THE POLICE. UNDERSTAND ME, JAKE! I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND HERE…” Jake reaches out and takes both of my hands in his, squeezing them tightly. “I understand, TJ. I will never hit you again, I promise.” I squeeze Jake’s hands tightly before letting go, my hands feeling immediately cold the moment Jake places his hands back on his lap.  
But I’m not finished…oh FUCK NO, I’m FAR from finished!

Turning to face Adam this time, I continue with “And the three of us need to get an AIDS test, right away.” Adam immediately shoots a glare my way, but I ignore him, continuing with “Considering there were times that we did manage to meet up over the last three years, we should each be tested and share the results with each other.” Jake shakes his head in agreement as I finish with “…just in case.” 

Adam glare turns into a sneer. “Sure, why not? Who knows if TJ picked up something from Marilyn…”

Jake moves so fast I barely have time to register his movements before he has yanked Adam off the couch and has his hand clenched into a fist, ready to let it fly. I give out a hiss of pain as I place my hand on top of Jake’s, squeezing tightly. In a voice full of tears, I utter “Jake! You promised!” 

“I didn’t promise not to hit this piece of shit!” Jake tightens his hold on Adam, hauling him even closer to Jake as Jake gives me a tender look. “How dare he talk to you like that? After all he’s done.” 

I push myself between the two of them and Jake reluctantly releases Adam, his face still full of rage. “Jake…you REALLY need to get some therapy for that rage issue you have! And you…” I turn to Adam, who is now standing at the end of the couch, his face unreadable. You need therapy to deal with your sex addiction and your cheating. And me?” I can’t help it—I throw back my head and laugh out loud like a man gone totally insane. “I have to go to therapy and AA and get on with my life. Because our marriage is over. Over? I’m not sure it ever fucking got off the ground.” I take a deep breath as I take in Jake’s broken look, take in Adam’s eyes and stance that show his denial at my words. In a deeply exhausted voice, I ask “Jake, can you give me a ride?”

Jake slowly walks over to my side. “Of course, darlin.”

As I walk towards the door to the garage, Adam steps in front of me, cutting off my exit. “Where do you think you’re going?” He hisses. “If HE wants to leave, fine. But you and I have talking to do…” 

I put my hand on Adam’s hip and push with as much power that I have in my broken body. “WE are not talking until YOU call a shrink and GET SOME HELP! And since you refuse to believe you have a problem…I’m leaving you.” Adam attempts to move towards me, but Jake cuts him off, his hands out as if to shove Adam back if necessary. “Don’t make TJ call the cops on us, Adam! Cause if you want to escalate things…” Jake shoulder checks Adam out of the way, flinging open the door to the garage seconds before I feel his hand on the small of my back, pushing me forward gently. As I make my way into the garage I hear Adam yell “Oh, so now you’ve forgiven the golden boy and are now running off into the sunset with him! How romantic!” I yell over my shoulder as I watch Jake take two helmets down from the shelf on the wall. “NO, he and I still have a lot to work out, nothing is ‘fixed’ as you like to say! I asked him for a ride is all.” As I walk over to Jake, he hands me my helmet and climbs on his bike. “I will be back here tomorrow for my things. I agree with Jake—this house sucks. Keep it, sell it…who gives a fuck? It’s yours. You bought it for your ego anyways.” Jake kicks the bike into life. As I climb on the back of the bike Adam slides to a stop next to us, his hand reaching out to encircle my wrist before I can wrap my arms around Jake’s waist. I can barely make out Adam yelling “Please, TJ! Come back in the house! Let’s talk this out…”

I look up into Adam’s face. He’s turning on the charm, giving me his bedroom eyes that turn on his fans all around the world. I cannot help but wonder how many of his lovers fell for that very look, those long eye lashes, his sexy little innocent pout that underneath promises so many filthy nights of fun. I fell for that look the day I met Adam, the day we spoke on that balcony at that party, when he held me the first time late at night on our tour bus, the day we said “I do.”

No more. Never again.

Tears fill my eyes again as I yell back “We’re through, Adam. I’m sorry.” I yank my wrist out of Adam’s grip, my ribs throbbing to the vibration of the bike under me. I quickly wrap my arms around Jake’s waist and Jake guns the bike, quickly taking us back to the front gate and the waiting paps.


End file.
